"Goodbye" by Myself :)

KyleSchmidt · 12-24-2009, 01:03 PM

Tell me what you think of the song I made recently.

"Goodbye"

Soften the words of the peaceful voice.
The one that calls me with rejoice.

Capture my fears and take them far away.
Some place better known where people are astray.

I'm scared.

Deep in the woods,
there are animals out there.

Ones that just might harm,
not that you would ever care.

I'm lost, in my thoughts.
Don't go because...

They will take you away.
And in the meadow you will lay.

Stranded.
Abandoned.
Love.

Baby, don't cry.
I know you will fly,
above.

I know that you're very far from here.
You've left, I try not to shed a tear.

It's hard, you have clue.
What God's put me through.
I've got nothing to lose.

So long,
you don't belong.
You walked out,
nobody knows about.

This love you gave me.
What you threw away.
Now all I can say.
Is one word...
Goodbye.

Arya Stark · 12-24-2009, 01:04 PM

I like the style you used, but I'm not sure I like the poem itself.
It's a little bit corny.
But overall, I do like it.
What was the inspiration for this?

KyleSchmidt · 12-24-2009, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AwwSugar

I like the style you used, but I'm not sure I like the poem itself.
It's a little bit corny.
But overall, I do like it.
What was the inspiration for this?

Yes, I have to agree with you on the 'corny'. A few bits and pieces of it are indeed corny.

One of my close friends passed away but when I was writing the lyrics I threw in a few verses that more people could relate to as if someone broke up with another. Like this verse:

'So long,
you don't belong.
You walked out,
nobody knows about.'

That one could relate to a relationship or a death of a close loved one.

I'm not sure.
Thank you for the honestly.

Arya Stark · 12-24-2009, 01:12 PM

I think everything's corny, though, so maybe that part shouldn't be taken too much into consideration.
I actually have this thing against rhyming, I don't know what it is.
Maybe I should stop commenting on rhyming poetry.

KyleSchmidt · 12-24-2009, 01:19 PM

I have a few others that don't rhyme at all. Here's a poem I wrote a few months ago you might like, or not. I don't know. Ha.

"Guilt"

The pain...
This is the real thing.

The guilt is eating away my flesh.
My head is throbbing with torture.

And as the days go by, the thoughts
creep up on me like some sort of monster.

I have my doubts.
Is this me or isn't it?

I'm trapped inside this chamber.
And there is only one way out.
There is a decision to be made.

Shame is resting in my head.

Do I have the courage to make a choice?

Confusion is chasing me in my tracks,
and there is no where to hide now.

If I make the wrong choice,
I know somewhere down the road there are consequences,
whether I realize that or not.

It seems as if any choice I choose, there
is always guilt involved.
It hurts like you couldn't ever imagine.

I need to get out now.
I'll have to face the truth one day.
There is no more running.

Should I go this way or that way?
Only time can answer my questions...

Arya Stark · 12-24-2009, 01:50 PM

I like this one a lot better. I like that you're question everything, because that's what I do in poetry as well.

Quote:

I have my doubts.
Is this me or isn't it?

Reminds me of Kingdom Hearts.
Do you play video games? xD

KyleSchmidt · 12-24-2009, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AwwSugar

I like this one a lot better. I like that you're question everything, because that's what I do in poetry as well.

Reminds me of Kingdom Hearts.
Do you play video games? xD

Ha; I play Kingdom Hearts; I don't know if I even based it off of that though. :P

Arya Stark · 12-24-2009, 01:57 PM

It just reminded me of the beginning of the first game.
Where he was like, "Is this real?"
xD And then it all goes into "Simple and Clean"
[=

KyleSchmidt · 12-24-2009, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AwwSugar

It just reminded me of the beginning of the first game.
Where he was like, "Is this real?"
xD And then it all goes into "Simple and Clean"
[=

LOL. Thats a very vivid memory from the whole series.

That whole intro is amazing.

Arya Stark · 12-24-2009, 05:11 PM

Hahaha, I could describe the whole thing.
Hmph.
Just didn't want to.

12-24-2009, 01:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
KyleSchmidt Groupie Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 17	"Goodbye" by Myself :) Tell me what you think of the song I made recently. "Goodbye" Soften the words of the peaceful voice. The one that calls me with rejoice. Capture my fears and take them far away. Some place better known where people are astray. I'm scared. Deep in the woods, there are animals out there. Ones that just might harm, not that you would ever care. I'm lost, in my thoughts. Don't go because... They will take you away. And in the meadow you will lay. Stranded. Abandoned. Love. Baby, don't cry. I know you will fly, above. I know that you're very far from here. You've left, I try not to shed a tear. It's hard, you have clue. What God's put me through. I've got nothing to lose. So long, you don't belong. You walked out, nobody knows about. This love you gave me. What you threw away. Now all I can say. Is one word... Goodbye.

12-24-2009, 01:19 PM	#5 (permalink)
KyleSchmidt Groupie Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 17	Guilt I have a few others that don't rhyme at all. Here's a poem I wrote a few months ago you might like, or not. I don't know. Ha. "Guilt" The pain... This is the real thing. The guilt is eating away my flesh. My head is throbbing with torture. And as the days go by, the thoughts creep up on me like some sort of monster. I have my doubts. Is this me or isn't it? I'm trapped inside this chamber. And there is only one way out. There is a decision to be made. Shame is resting in my head. Do I have the courage to make a choice? Confusion is chasing me in my tracks, and there is no where to hide now. If I make the wrong choice, I know somewhere down the road there are consequences, whether I realize that or not. It seems as if any choice I choose, there is always guilt involved. It hurts like you couldn't ever imagine. I need to get out now. I'll have to face the truth one day. There is no more running. Should I go this way or that way? Only time can answer my questions...