Halebopp

I have some songs I just threw together (rocky relationship ending spawned some creativity...funny how that always seems to happen). This is my first foray into songwriting so I was looking for advice. Its the first two songs on this link. The last is just a fun cover.

Advice is appreciated.

AG Anders on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads

I'm new here and I'm sorry if this is the wrong place in the forum, I didn't know where else to place it. Thanks.

OceanAndSilence

your songs are fine in structure, really... you just need to refine your vocals. work on intonation and clarity... some lyrics are good but a lot of the time i cannot hear them clearly. there's also no conviction in your voice... say that **** like you mean it dude!

VEGANGELICA

Hi Halebopp,
Yes, broken romance does often spawn creativity, doesn't it, since people feel very strongly about their relationships! I listened to your three songs (the two original and the cover) and felt the first two were pleasant and might benefit from some more variation in their tunes. I enjoyed the cover of Wagon Wheel a lot...the violin and banjo (both played very nicely) and the two of you singing were all nice...plus it is a catchy song. I felt the sound of your voices fit that style very well.

I agree with OceanAndSilence that it was hard to pick out all the words and understand them...which probably relates to how you were recording the vocals and also how clearly you were enunciating the words. Also, sometimes a few notes were a little out of tune. If I recall, your second song had more variation in structure than the first song...so I gravitate more toward that one.

Would you like to post your lyrics here? Then it is easier to understand how they fit with your melodies.

--Erica

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Halebopp

Thank you two for your comments. As you can probably tell I've never been a singer, so I'm trying to figure our how to sing in a way that actually sounds alright. I agree I need to enunciate more, though i think part of the problem is that these were all recorded over laptop speakers.

I'll post lyrics when I have a chance.

Halebopp

I’m not the person you wanted to have
But outside I’m waiting, with snow on my head
And if you want to swim there don’t bother to dry, dry your hair

Lights dim and nobody cares
The fading footsteps just make you aware
Of the things I tried to do for you but couldn’t

And if your feet wander let them wander to me
And if the waters on, make yourself a cut of tea
To stay warm by

My smile remains, it hangs crooked
My face it does not look it
And outside the house is a porch of glowing, burning red

My eyes they see so many shapes
Passing by like those calendar dates
And I know I should talk, should speak before its too late

And if your feet wander let them wander to me
And if the waters on, make yourself a cup of tea
To stay warm by


AND


It’s a black eyed susan on the window sill
It’s the nighttime feeling of the morning chill
Frost youre on your way
Indian summer couldn’t make you stay

Green to gold and gold to red
Theres not a word I haven’t said
Falling on the rue
I’m going to see it through

But these tired words bounce of the snow
Reflect my mind with nothing to show
There’s warmth in my pocket’s line
But these hands they are not mine
These words, they are not mine


It’s a black eyed susan on the window sill
It’s the nighttime feeling of the morning chill
Love you’re on your way
Indian summer couldn’t make you stay

Green to gold and gold to red
There’s not a word I haven’t said
Falling on the rue
I’m going to see it through

someonecompletelyrandom

Forget trying to sing well. Lots of singers can't sing at all, including myself.