Something New?

~~serenechaos2319~~ · 10-28-2009, 01:24 PM

You will all probably think this sucks . . . it hasn't been edited yet and it's really just a collection of ideas on the same general topic over the course of a week.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Something New?

I’m filled with so much creativity
That my pen can’t seem to put down.
I’m racking my brain for all I’ve got in me
But no ideas are coming around.
I want to write
About the thrill of the night,
But I can’t find the rhythm,
I lost the words,
There’s no rhyme.
I’m so sick of
Sappy love songs
I write too many of those.
It seems like I got here to late
And every possible topic
has become a cliché.
Distractions all over
Blocking the words.
Why can’t I keep my eyes off her,
Why do images of her body
Overpower my thoughts,
How do I cut these damn feelings off?
Being surrounded
By music and inspiration
Is getting me nowhere.
I wanna break away from the system
And go against the grain.
But how can I be successful
When all I know,
all they’ll know
is the mainstream?
I don’t mean to sound emo or depressed,
Because I’m not.
But confused?
Lost?
That I am
Without a doubt.
How do I look like I’m not trying
and still get my feelings out?
Looks like as far as lyrics go,
I’m S.O.L for now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please let me know what you think

Pillowmint · 10-28-2009, 07:18 PM

Some of the rhymes seem kinda generic to me, like "Write" and "Night", but I like the format of it. Especially all the questions you ask.

Nicktarist · 10-29-2009, 04:44 PM

I've felt the same for the majority of my life, but you can drop any references to pen and paper. Use a more obtuse metaphor because the 'I'm at my desk writing this song' has become the exact cliché your running away from.

peace,
-nick

~~serenechaos2319~~ · 11-03-2009, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pillowmint

Some of the rhymes seem kinda generic to me, like "Write" and "Night", but I like the format of it. Especially all the questions you ask.

1) I am a teenager & therefore only really know generic rhymes.

2) I'm glad you like it, it's the best thing I've written in at least a year.

~~serenechaos2319~~ · 11-03-2009, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicktarist

I've felt the same for the majority of my life, but you can drop any references to pen and paper. Use a more obtuse metaphor because the 'I'm at my desk writing this song' has become the exact cliché your running away from.

again, I am a teenager and quite new to writing about slightly mature topics (I used to write songs about wanting to meet Disney Channel stars that were 3 years older than me and they all SUCKED) but I'll take your advice into account. Thanks.

Nicktarist · 11-03-2009, 03:40 PM

Quote:

again, I am a teenager and quite new to writing about slightly mature topics (I used to write songs about wanting to meet Disney Channel stars that were 3 years older than me and they all SUCKED) but I'll take your advice into account. Thanks.

There is no justification for good or bad writing. Quality is Quality.

peace,
-nick

iron9567 · 11-03-2009, 07:10 PM

what genere do you see this as? just wondering,

OceanAndSilence · 11-04-2009, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicktarist

There is no justification for good or bad writing. Quality is Quality.

peace,
-nick

this

just work on your language; since you're still in school try asking an english lecturer about figurative language and how you can apply it in songs. don't rhyme for the sake of rhyming.

~~serenechaos2319~~ · 11-05-2009, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iron9567

what genere do you see this as? just wondering,

I don't really know . . . I don't think that deeply into it, I just write and post what comes out if I like the look of it.

10-28-2009, 01:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
~~serenechaos2319~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 6	Something New? You will all probably think this sucks . . . it hasn't been edited yet and it's really just a collection of ideas on the same general topic over the course of a week. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Something New? I’m filled with so much creativity That my pen can’t seem to put down. I’m racking my brain for all I’ve got in me But no ideas are coming around. I want to write About the thrill of the night, But I can’t find the rhythm, I lost the words, There’s no rhyme. I’m so sick of Sappy love songs I write too many of those. It seems like I got here to late And every possible topic has become a cliché. Distractions all over Blocking the words. Why can’t I keep my eyes off her, Why do images of her body Overpower my thoughts, How do I cut these damn feelings off? Being surrounded By music and inspiration Is getting me nowhere. I wanna break away from the system And go against the grain. But how can I be successful When all I know, all they’ll know is the mainstream? I don’t mean to sound emo or depressed, Because I’m not. But confused? Lost? That I am Without a doubt. How do I look like I’m not trying and still get my feelings out? Looks like as far as lyrics go, I’m S.O.L for now. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please let me know what you think

11-03-2009, 07:10 PM	#7 (permalink)
iron9567 musicbanter peeping tom Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 74	what genere do you see this as? just wondering, __________________ thanks The iron man I don't want to change the world. I just want to make the world colder then the day I came.

10-28-2009, 07:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
Pillowmint I Am the Lizard Queen Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 134	Some of the rhymes seem kinda generic to me, like "Write" and "Night", but I like the format of it. Especially all the questions you ask.