brandonplaysguitar

Hey all! I'll be posting some of my lyrics here looking for some feedback. Any input at all is immensely helpfull, thanks! I think I'll start off with an older track about my descent into atheism. Enjoy.


Naive

Since when does wishful thinking cure your malady?
Since when do contradictions speak infallibly?
Since when does mindless faith make society?
Since when does superstition breed morality?

[chorus]
We live and die for you
But you bitch and moan
We sweat and cry for you
But bleed on our own
We live and die for you
But you don't care
We kill and lie for you
But you're not there

I'm losing all my faith and starting to burn out
It's nothing they would ever be concerned about
It's something hard to picture, they wont know where to start
Maybe it's much to hard or, maybe they're not too smart

[chorus]

And I know it's not right
It's not fair
But I know you wont help
You'll just stare
And I know you'll stay still
You don't care
But I know you're not there
You're not there

I know they can't see
I know they're naive

Nicktarist

There's nothing fundamentally wrong with the song itself. The rhyming is pretty basic and the form is pretty standard. As a note (and only if your comfortable)--It would be nice to hear a sound clip or video of you playing the song. It helps put the song in context.

peace out,
-nick

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someonecompletelyrandom

The first verse is very clever indeed. The only part I didn't care for was the chorus, but that's based on personal opinion and you didn't really do anything wrong. Although I don't particularly agree with the message of the song, I can see it's message loud and clear.

And trust me, people who believe in God aren't as naive as you might think.

brandonplaysguitar

Thanks for the feedback Conan and Nick!
Here's another pretty old song.


Turn Your Head Away

The thermometer is going up in flames
It's hard to admit when you're the one to blame

(chorus)
So you learn, learn the hard way
This is something that cannot afford to wait
Turn, turn your head away
Easier to deal with it when it's too late

This must have started a long, long time ago
When will you believe what I already know?

(chorus)
Do you not see the canary
In the coal mine?
The reservoir's running out of space
And we're running out of time

(chorus)

Arya Stark

I could see these lyrics being used in an actual song, but I don't any specific part of it is worth commending.

I must ask, though.

What did you mean when you brought up the canary in the coal mine?

__________________

MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

brandonplaysguitar

Everything's Okay


So why do people hate?
It only brings them pain
And why do I just wait
For a reason to complain?
We're all just drifting by
We're all drifting away
So please don't ask me why
I drift the other way

But I'm still trying
But I'm still trying

So why do people die?
It only brings us pain
And why do I still try
To make myself insane
Well I'm the one who cries
I'm the the one who sees
But let's just close our eyes
And let's all make believe

That were all flying
That were all flying

Things can't get much worse
Anyway
I guess I'll be the
First to say
Everything's okay

So why're you crying?
So why're you crying?
Everything's okay