Unquestionable
 

I remember lucidly our thoughts
The days when we were whole and beautiful
Gentle caresses, sweet touches
The visage of beauty I've come to behold
I remember well... that we did care
What I saw in your eyes
These feelings can't speak false
Unquestionable it was my love...
Unquestionable.
I've yet to recall what went wrong...

Now you claim, we never existed
You claim that those magnificent eyes
Spoke deep into my soul...
Only to conjure these seeming falsehoods
Never say we never existed dear...
Never say you and I were a myth.
I'd prefer if it were only I who never existed
Please let it be I who never existed...
It was unquestionable...

What is this about?

Oh ummm... it's about this girl I met, that I liked and we developed a relationship... or... so I thought I guess. And now everything between us feels meaningless... though I'm sure it wasn't...

I like it. I'm glad I'm able to understand it more now, though.

Thank you... I'm glad you like it :)

There wasn't anything that stood out particularly, but it didn't feel cliche, so good job. I pretty much knew what it was about without the explanation.


I might have to try my hand at some romatic themed poetry now :)

Lol thanks, I know I didn't have those few lines that you'd read and give you goosebumps as I wanted to, but I wrote it basically in about 10 minutes just to vent some feelings... lol

Next time I'll try to give you some chills and that line that you'd want to read over and over again :)

I'm looking forward to your stuff though! :D

lol we'll see, one of my guy writer friends literally writes love poetry all the time! (but he won't let me read it unfortunetlly) I have personally never even attempted one with that particular theme... so it will be interesting on my end of the pencil anyway.

:) and i know you like those lines that ppl want to read over and over again and quote later on. You can do better than this for sure :) lets see something that took more than 10 minutes.

Lol, I don't write love poems alllllll the time! Hahaha :P You'll have to steal his book then! (shouldn't be a problem...lol)

But yes, I do intend to put some more effort into my next piece! And I'm looking forward to yours! :)

Hi Dr. Seussicide,
These lines in bold strike me the most with the anguish of this poem. The speaker is wishing s/he didn't exist instead of the relationship having been unreal. This is such a sad state in which a person can be: feeling it would be better not to exist at all instead of face that someone s/he so valued and loved did not reciprocate those feelings and all the experiences that had felt like real joy and love were false.

The first line gets me everytime I open this thread.

In a good way or a bad way? :P lol

Oh and to Vegangelica, I'm glad you felt the emotion when you read those lines, because that day I think it's safe to say I certainly was in a bad place

It makes me want to use it in a monologue.

Ohhh, I see, then you have my copyright permission to do so :)

Yayayayay. As soon as I'm done with the homework I've been procrastinating all day. >.<

Writing is more fun.

Lol! Your welcome! I swear I've been procrastinating all weekend though! I have a lot of reading to catch up on :( but alas I find myself on the internet for the whole day, lol.

Writing is way more fun indeed, I wish I could just write all day... and listen to music... *sighs*

I do that. >.<


PUTANOTHERPOEMUP

Hahahaha, I will! When I get some more free time, I wanted to put more effort into the next :)

How about you post some of yours in the meantime! :D

>.< Ohh, I don't know about that.

Lol, How come? :S

The "criticism" of some of the members is not wanted. ;;

Oh... I see... although I don't think you should let your creativity be mauled over by pretentious bastards... because I'd honestly love to see some of your work :)

It's not that I would allow them to stop me from writing. I just don't care for their opinions.

I'll show you some of my work when I find it. I still haven't unpacked some of my belongings. Haha.

Lol, I'll definitely look forward to them :)

I'll send you my DA in a PM.

I'll send you one of mine that I'm hesitant to post as well! When I find it that is, lol :D

Yay for poetry sharing! xD

Hahaha, :D

not yay for poetry sharing when (kindof) nice people such as myself don't get to partake! unfair! Dr. Suessicide you should know better! *gasps randomly* I posted all of my terrible poetry.... fear is healthy. *pouts in corner due to very obvious lack of new poetry*

You know I wouldn't not share it with you :)

I'll poetry share wif you. [=

follow me...
 

your lips traced mine and we made the night race, repairing are broken heart both you and me[/CENTER]

Whoops! Crazymorbid, I think you meant to start your own thread so you can post your poems/lyrics in a thread of your very own!
--Vegangelica

Wrote this about 2years ago. Thought I'd post it up.

Dr. Seuss, this is a powerful, very old-fashioned sounding poem about a child killing himself (due to depression, I assume). It sounds like an Edgar Allan Poe poem...something from the 1800s...due to the florid style and word choice.

The lines above are my favorite. Such a strangely beautiful way to turn killing oneself by slitting one's wrists into a metaphor. I don't ever think I've seen the word "transmogrified" used in a poem, either!

The most chilling line for me is "in serene harmonics," since it makes me imagine someone going through the act of killing himself in a viciously yet calmly determined manner. Plus, conductors swipe their hands around a lot, so I imagine the person cutting again and again vigorously. I play violin, too, so I know that bow motions are very strong. Someone holding a razor instead of a bow and slashing at himself again and again would do a lot of damage.

I like the way you use so many music metaphors in these lines. The contrast between the image of music (so beautiful) and someone killing himself (so brutal) is striking to me. I feel the poem would be more powerful if you shifted some of the flowery wording into more everyday speech, for example using "your" instead of "thy," "offer" instead of "bequeath," "she will never" instead of "ne'er shall she," etc.

Your poem is nicely disturbing! It reminds me a little of the parts I've seen of the movie "May," where a fragile mind turns to murdering others, not killing herself. The movie, like your poem, deals with the sadness of this transition from life to death, and I love how the movie's song "Do You Love me Now," by the Breeders, holds some of that tragedy in it...the same tragedy I hear in your poem:

Thank you for the kind words Vegan :)

Well, the thing is, I had to write this poem for a school project I had to do about suicide, and when I saw the "Depression and Suicide Thread" I decided to post this. It's supposed to be written in acrolectal language (high register) or mesolectal (midway between high and low registers) or basolectal (low register). I decided to write my piece in acrolectal language as you can see, so I guess that's why it sounded very similar to old English. I'm glad that you liked it though :)

I had wondered if there was a connection to that thread.

I don't know about acrolectal, mesolectal, and basolectal registers...I'll have to look those up...but I did suspect the poem was for a school project, since probably no one these days would use that old type of English if not for that reason. I didn't want to mention that in my previous post, though, in case you actually preferred writing archaic-sounding poetry! I'm relieved that you don't, because it sounds very stilted to me!

Well of course, although I did enjoy writing it in that kind of language style.

And maybe I wrote a few more just for fun ;)

Pray tell...forsooth thou dost lie! ;)

Thy tales are never proven false, lest you confer evidence of these seeming falsehoods :p: