Unquestionable

Arya Stark · 09-13-2009, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeggieLover

not yay for poetry sharing when (kindof) nice people such as myself don't get to partake! unfair! Dr. Suessicide you should know better! *gasps randomly* I posted all of my terrible poetry.... fear is healthy. *pouts in corner due to very obvious lack of new poetry*

I'll poetry share wif you. [=

crazymorbid · 09-14-2009, 04:44 PM

follow me my dear, into the red soked sun.
will remember times, where we were once one.
as you repair my broken heart, sowing back the peices wherever they lay.

it only took one day, to change my life
those 3 words you spoke in my ear....
"i..love...you" you said with such power you made me shutter

your lips traced mine and we made the night race, repairing are broken heart both you and me[/CENTER]

VEGANGELICA · 09-14-2009, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazymorbid

follow me my dear, into the red soked sun.
will remember times, where we were once one.
as you repair my broken heart, sowing back the peices wherever they lay.

it only took one day, to change my life
those 3 words you spoke in my ear....
"i..love...you" you said with such power you made me shutter

your lips traced mine and we made the night race, repairing are broken heart both you and me[/CENTER]

Whoops! Crazymorbid, I think you meant to start your own thread so you can post your poems/lyrics in a thread of your very own!
--Vegangelica

Dr.Seussicide · 08-09-2010, 12:47 AM

The Altercation In Which Darkness Triumphed

Thy thoughts echo despair,
The gallows remain their home.
Shadowed executioners rise,
Reminiscent of imagery beheld,
As I gazed into forsaken mirrors.
The darkening of my thoughts,
Overshadows my lust for life.
The thirst for living-
My ignorance of such blasphemy prevails.
For within the spiraling abyss of my blackened mind,
I bequeath myself a vessel of damnation.

Cries of the grieving mother,
Resounding thunderously through the nocturne,
Shall be made my swansong
Her eyes grovel for deprivation of sight,
As they glance at failed incisions.
Ne’er shall she bask in my childhood’s innocence,
Ne’er shall she witness joy within these eyes…
Eyes surrendered to morbid infatuations.

The severity of such agonizing depression,
Devours at the virtue of one’s soul,
Till divine tears weep at one’s very existence, however,
I shan’t bear such mental inflictions any further,
My psyche pleads murderously for its sanity.
Thus, my razor shall be metamorphed to my bow,
My wrist transmogrified to my violin,
And in serene harmonics, I conduct the symphony of my demise.

Wrote this about 2years ago. Thought I'd post it up.

VEGANGELICA · 08-09-2010, 05:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr.Seussicide

Thus, my razor shall be metamorphed to my bow,
My wrist transmogrified to my violin,
And in serene harmonics, I conduct the symphony of my demise.

Dr. Seuss, this is a powerful, very old-fashioned sounding poem about a child killing himself (due to depression, I assume). It sounds like an Edgar Allan Poe poem...something from the 1800s...due to the florid style and word choice.

The lines above are my favorite. Such a strangely beautiful way to turn killing oneself by slitting one's wrists into a metaphor. I don't ever think I've seen the word "transmogrified" used in a poem, either!

The most chilling line for me is "in serene harmonics," since it makes me imagine someone going through the act of killing himself in a viciously yet calmly determined manner. Plus, conductors swipe their hands around a lot, so I imagine the person cutting again and again vigorously. I play violin, too, so I know that bow motions are very strong. Someone holding a razor instead of a bow and slashing at himself again and again would do a lot of damage.

I like the way you use so many music metaphors in these lines. The contrast between the image of music (so beautiful) and someone killing himself (so brutal) is striking to me. I feel the poem would be more powerful if you shifted some of the flowery wording into more everyday speech, for example using "your" instead of "thy," "offer" instead of "bequeath," "she will never" instead of "ne'er shall she," etc.

Your poem is nicely disturbing! It reminds me a little of the parts I've seen of the movie "May," where a fragile mind turns to murdering others, not killing herself. The movie, like your poem, deals with the sadness of this transition from life to death, and I love how the movie's song "Do You Love me Now," by the Breeders, holds some of that tragedy in it...the same tragedy I hear in your poem:

Dr.Seussicide · 08-09-2010, 12:56 PM

Thank you for the kind words Vegan

Well, the thing is, I had to write this poem for a school project I had to do about suicide, and when I saw the "Depression and Suicide Thread" I decided to post this. It's supposed to be written in acrolectal language (high register) or mesolectal (midway between high and low registers) or basolectal (low register). I decided to write my piece in acrolectal language as you can see, so I guess that's why it sounded very similar to old English. I'm glad that you liked it though

VEGANGELICA · 08-09-2010, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr.Seussicide

Thank you for the kind words Vegan

Well, the thing is, I had to write this poem for a school project I had to do about suicide, and when I saw the "Depression and Suicide Thread" I decided to post this. It's supposed to be written in acrolectal language (high register) or mesolectal (midway between high and low registers) or basolectal (low register). I decided to write my piece in acrolectal language as you can see, so I guess that's why it sounded very similar to old English. I'm glad that you liked it though

I had wondered if there was a connection to that thread.

I don't know about acrolectal, mesolectal, and basolectal registers...I'll have to look those up...but I did suspect the poem was for a school project, since probably no one these days would use that old type of English if not for that reason. I didn't want to mention that in my previous post, though, in case you actually preferred writing archaic-sounding poetry! I'm relieved that you don't, because it sounds very stilted to me!

Dr.Seussicide · 08-09-2010, 01:24 PM

Well of course, although I did enjoy writing it in that kind of language style.

And maybe I wrote a few more just for fun

VEGANGELICA · 08-09-2010, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr.Seussicide

Well of course, although I did enjoy writing it in that kind of language style.

And maybe I wrote a few more just for fun

Pray tell...forsooth thou dost lie!

Dr.Seussicide · 08-09-2010, 01:35 PM

Thy tales are never proven false, lest you confer evidence of these seeming falsehoods

09-14-2009, 04:44 PM	#32 (permalink)
crazymorbid Groupie Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: USA, OHIO Posts: 4	follow me... follow me my dear, into the red soked sun. will remember times, where we were once one. as you repair my broken heart, sowing back the peices wherever they lay. it only took one day, to change my life those 3 words you spoke in my ear.... "i..love...you" you said with such power you made me shutter your lips traced mine and we made the night race, repairing are broken heart both you and me[/CENTER] __________________ I met my love before i was born, He wanted love, I taste of Blood. He bit my lip and drank my war from years before

08-09-2010, 12:47 AM	#34 (permalink)
Dr.Seussicide FakingSuicideForApplause Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: I live in a van down by the river Posts: 1,365	The Altercation In Which Darkness Triumphed Thy thoughts echo despair, The gallows remain their home. Shadowed executioners rise, Reminiscent of imagery beheld, As I gazed into forsaken mirrors. The darkening of my thoughts, Overshadows my lust for life. The thirst for living- My ignorance of such blasphemy prevails. For within the spiraling abyss of my blackened mind, I bequeath myself a vessel of damnation. Cries of the grieving mother, Resounding thunderously through the nocturne, Shall be made my swansong Her eyes grovel for deprivation of sight, As they glance at failed incisions. Ne’er shall she bask in my childhood’s innocence, Ne’er shall she witness joy within these eyes… Eyes surrendered to morbid infatuations. The severity of such agonizing depression, Devours at the virtue of one’s soul, Till divine tears weep at one’s very existence, however, I shan’t bear such mental inflictions any further, My psyche pleads murderously for its sanity. Thus, my razor shall be metamorphed to my bow, My wrist transmogrified to my violin, And in serene harmonics, I conduct the symphony of my demise. Wrote this about 2years ago. Thought I'd post it up. __________________ I'll stay if I ever could, and pick up your pieces babe, because there's never a perfect day. Don't fret, baby, we're simply growing And my darling, I wouldn't mind to die like this.

08-09-2010, 12:56 PM	#36 (permalink)
Dr.Seussicide FakingSuicideForApplause Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: I live in a van down by the river Posts: 1,365	Thank you for the kind words Vegan Well, the thing is, I had to write this poem for a school project I had to do about suicide, and when I saw the "Depression and Suicide Thread" I decided to post this. It's supposed to be written in acrolectal language (high register) or mesolectal (midway between high and low registers) or basolectal (low register). I decided to write my piece in acrolectal language as you can see, so I guess that's why it sounded very similar to old English. I'm glad that you liked it though __________________ I'll stay if I ever could, and pick up your pieces babe, because there's never a perfect day. Don't fret, baby, we're simply growing And my darling, I wouldn't mind to die like this.

08-09-2010, 01:24 PM	#38 (permalink)
Dr.Seussicide FakingSuicideForApplause Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: I live in a van down by the river Posts: 1,365	Well of course, although I did enjoy writing it in that kind of language style. And maybe I wrote a few more just for fun __________________ I'll stay if I ever could, and pick up your pieces babe, because there's never a perfect day. Don't fret, baby, we're simply growing And my darling, I wouldn't mind to die like this.

08-09-2010, 01:35 PM	#40 (permalink)
Dr.Seussicide FakingSuicideForApplause Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: I live in a van down by the river Posts: 1,365	Thy tales are never proven false, lest you confer evidence of these seeming falsehoods __________________ I'll stay if I ever could, and pick up your pieces babe, because there's never a perfect day. Don't fret, baby, we're simply growing And my darling, I wouldn't mind to die like this.