itstravassbro

I've never showed what I write to anyone. I'm just gonna throw my favorites out there and see what comes of it. Brutal criticism is appreciated. So is praise haha. Anyway, here goes.
--------------------------------------------
I'm tired of
always being nice
But if I was mean
I'd just make you cry

No good deed
can go unpunished
No good girl
is worth my time.

I'm the best guy
you've ever met
but for some odd reason
that I just don't get

I can't be yours
because you won't be mine
i think it's time
for me to cut the line

and grow up
move on
you're more beautiful
than a breaking dawn

and if i can't
have you
i don't want
no one else too

it breaks my heart
to say this
i've never felt your kiss
and today i walk out
baby, you'll be missed

but it's better for us both
i just can't be friends
no one ever said anything
bout seeing it to the end

I grow up
move on
you're more beautiful
than a breaking dawn

Goodbye
lil girl
I could have
rocked your world

but you stared
in to my eyes
and you took me
by surprise

You made me
lose composure
and now i'm ready
for some closure

I grow up
move on
you're more beautiful
than a breaking dawn.
----------------------------------


Thunderstorms
Crack their wicked whips
You can feel it
in your finger tips

it's almost as hot
as your Florida kiss
yeah you can't quite
come back to your grips


Falling rain
runs down the drain

Watering
my sugar cane

You're coming like
a railroad train

I'm shakin you
right to your frame


I never thought
that it could be like this
I'm so lost
in your florida kiss

I never thought
that it could be this way
I can feel your thunder
everyday.

One step at a time
I'm one step behind
----------------------------
I'd love to surf,
If the waves were nice
and I stand here to test
the water.

So I look out to sea
and stupid-ass me,
I just ignore
the storm.

I wish for calm
and try to push it along.
I venture out
chest deep.

I get hurt everytime,
with a board to the chest
the storm's as strong
as ever.

Maybe next time,
when I want to surf,
The clouds won't begin
to gather.

I'm a fool.
----------------------------------
Excavate and release
tensions from within
never stop just begin
play the game but not to win

and I pretend
to shine again
working only
with my friends
Fly by night
work by day
try to play
waste away

Feel alright,
act Okay
steal a glance
look away

Feel these thoughts
write them down
get your mind
to spin around


never stop,
just begin
don't catch your breath
grab the wind.

Float like bees
Buzz around
Life is air
Death is ground

Sting your life out
live it well
and don't forget
the prospect of hell

Live it right
no need to fight
fly by day
dance at night
---------------------------------------
Lights
Camera
Attraction.

I cant believe
my
actions.

And I cant
Help but see.
Its like your on tv.

Because you make
me want to
fall in love with you

Its like a movie

Its like a picture

Its like a movie

Lights
Camera
Dissatisfaction.

Unreciprocated
love
is a bitch.


And I cant help
but let this go on
cuz maybe I'm wrong.

Lights.
Camera.
Liquefaction.

And I’m gone.
------------------------

Thanks for reading.

Pic

Not bad decent

Rainfall

I don't know if these are intended as lyrics, but some don't flow so great due to such short lines. I like the 'Lights, Camera, Attraction' aspect, very original. Stuff like that is what makes poety/music enjoyable.
I say very nice, but there's a little work to be done. How long have you been writing?

__________________
Rule #7 – Trust only when trusted.

itstravassbro

Thanks. Some are meant as lyrics others are just what came out when i felt the urge to write. I haven't really edited them or given much thought to line length or anything like that lol. It's probably just because i'm lazy and write as a spur of the moment type thing. I've only been writing for around 6 months or so.

But i'll definatly look into making them flow better.

VeggieLover

Ya keep it up, ur making the normal type mistakes (look on other threads for the normal advice) which will eventually work themselves out if you keep practicing and actually put some time into ur work (ie. editing)
looking forward to more

__________________
"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

itstravassbro

Here's one I wrote today.

No editing so far, it's straight off the dome. Gimme some crits, and I'll try to make it better.




Give me the time to pretend like i'm going to
do what i've wanted to, for so damn long.
I get the chance and I look in your eyes
I want to move foreward, but big ****ing surprize...

What do I do when I don't know how I feel?
What do I do when I don't know how you feel?


So long ago, you see I made a mistake.
I said just three words that I regret to this day.
If only I'd known just how stupid I was,
I wouldn't be in this position right now.

What do I do when I don't know how I feel?
What do I do when I don't know how you feel?

Now here we lay in my bed today,
I tickle you, we flirt and we play.
But when it comes time for your lips on mine
I'm too scared you'll get freaked out and run.

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's with you too
that feeling that we've got something else.
When most girls hear three words in their ear,
it's the start or the end of something great.

But I said them to you, and whether I meant them or not,
you didn't seem scared or happy, hell you didn't respond.
And what I notice the most is that you didn't run away,
you just kept being here with me everyday.

What do I do when I don't know how I feel?
What do I do when I don't know how you feel?

I guess I'm afraid of going to far,
We're so different now, it's not quite so bizzare
to say that I could be into you.

You let me hold you in my arms and you'll hold my hand
so why am I afraid of being your man?
I think it's fear that you're just as scared as me.

I'm tired of this, It's all hell, I wish we'd just kiss.

itstravassbro

bump