Hey dudes/dudettes

Shivs · 07-22-2009, 10:33 PM

" Untitled 1 "

Deserted cracks whisper to me
Soles of my feet are joining with them
Like a hurricane, I fall through
Like the surest rain, I crawl through

Hands, oh land
On my face and my arms
Brands, brands
Show me that I'm harmed
By the shadows that float above
Oh, nobody needs that love

Slithered forward, constrict and leave
Sharks to fish, wolves to sheep
Like they want, I let go
As they creep, to and fro

Sands, oh land
Through my voiceless throat
Glands, glands
Nailed to the side of my heart
Brought down by the good people
Oh, that nobody loves.

I wrote this song about rape, how suddenly it can happen, and how scarring it can be. My friend was actually raped, so she caused a bit of inspiration for this one too.

" Floatin' "

Crutch

Teach me mass division
They said we can't love your decisions
Wiped for my lack of
Man made incisions

Raped judgment is influential
I know I won't make another
But I'm betting you will
Don't lose that thrill, man

Pushed through a cycle I barely think
Replace what you won't fill
Gimmie chains and links
Lock, shock and awe
It's all in the wrist
Tethered mind floats while your body sinks

Fatal life jackets in this ocean of trends
Another one starts so another one ends
She's got no mom, he's got no future
I'm just teasing,
They've got no reason

Flowin' through a cycle I barely think
Replace what you won't fill
Given chains and links
Lock, shock and awe
It's all in the wrist, man
Tethered mind floats while your body sinks

Same old cycle I barely think
Replace what you won't fill
Choose the chains and links
Lock, shock and awe
It's all in the wrist
Tethered mind floats,
You know your body sinks, yeah?

Alot of the kids I know do drugs for no reason, and I don't see a point. It's not for spiritual purposes, or for any real purpose actually, haha, they just do. Because it's "hip"? I don't really know, guys.

" Relevance "

Growing weeds in my head
Flowers burned to nothingness as
Life and love once fled
Lying, flying, it's all the same
Come on, shutters are locked,
I'll feel no rain

Growing wings, oh then they were snapped
Crushed as a child's own wondrous craft
Paper thin,
Rape her then,
It'll all be relevant when we begin to mend

Overrun by alien thoughts,
Interrupted lives were lost
And though it's true I cannot dream
You'll be back, for another go

Flowing wings eventually snap
Destroy this child's own wondrous craft
Paper thin,
Rape her then,
Doesn't seem relevant until we mend

This one's about a man in a coma, which is the main reason for the "snapped grown wings" line. Life can be taken away pretty easily, man.

" Everyone Gets Them "

These insects full of acid,
Resting in my bones
I can feel them fluttering
Feelings will be honed

This worm will eat my apple
Feast so long on my love
Grow my sweet little baby,
You'll hurt soon enough

Crying fetus of a cocoon life
Sleeping now, forget the strife
Dream your warm body for now
Tomorrow we will awake

Wings in bloom, blind eyes open
Scrape my mind of empty dust
Impregnated by my future girl
Exist cause love is lust

Kinda cliche to be writing about love, I know, but it's not really a boyfriend/girlfriend breakup song, is it? I thought that twisting around the idea of the phrase "I've got butterflies in my stomach" would be pretty good, and that's the result.

" Nectar "

Come out from your hole, always nocturnal
Predators instincts are dirty and feral
Search the stock until you become so sick
Handle of the door now clicks

Now, you don't stop,
It's all for gain, it's in the chain
I take my punishment,
You take your sins
This wasp without a stinger,
Blank, tortured grin

Mating season comes upon us
Big queen bee will now sell fake lust
I search for the flower,
I'm trapped in the hive,
Survive for the nectar
For the nectar we must

Purposely futile satisfaction
My family is trapped inside this old soup tin
Grazing the forest for hope, for truth
Strangers graze the forest as a personal booth

Power in my hands, traded for a substance
Satisfy the man,
Once your in, there's no chance
Fueled by desire to love and to hate
Shackled by a fire,
Accepted our fates

Mating season is again upon us,
Big queen bee will now sell fake lust
I search for the flower
Been trapped in a hive,
Survive for the nectar,
For the nectar we must

Can anyone guess what this one's about?

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 07-26-2009, 04:48 PM

Nobody has replied to this yet because theres nothing to make fun of, a great accomplishment in this forum!

But seriously your work here far above average, there are alot more concepts being used rather than the same old "she was my girl" "he was my man" garbage that pollutes this place. I'd like to see just a bit more positive thoughts... the subject matter is rather serious, which isn't bad, but can be taken as pretentious if something positive isn't injected every now and then. Atleast in my opinion anyway. Also a few words you used didn't quite fit/are overused. But this is normal and with a little refinement shouldn't be a problem.

I liked " Untitled 1 " the best!

Arya Stark · 07-26-2009, 04:52 PM

You're superb.

The rhyming is inserted excellently into each stanza.

I love it.

Shivs · 07-27-2009, 03:17 PM

Thanks guys

Yeah, Conan, I think this'll be a kind of grunge/post-grunge project for me, that's one of the bands I want to start someday. I've been trying lighter stuff recently, so hopefully I can get some up here sometime soon. What does pretentious mean, by the way? Not familiar with the definition, haha. And also, thanks AwwSugar, I'm glad you liked them!

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 07-27-2009, 03:40 PM

It can mean alot of different things. In this context though it might seem like your music is the self-elected spokesperson for the world's problems. Relax though because I don't think it's pretentious, just a little heads up about something to watch out for.

And yeah keep at it!

Shivs · 07-27-2009, 03:47 PM

Ah yeah, haha, don't really want to be labled as something in the long run, eh? I'll try and lighten up a bit, Conan, thanks again!

asshat · 07-29-2009, 03:34 AM

...this is some prime work...far above my head so I don't really no what to say.

The only complaint I'd have(and this is just personal preference alone) is the language seems a little too esoteric sometimes. Sometimes a song needs to make an immediate impact and not require any further probing of the lyrics...don't be afraid of seemingly mundane or predictable lines if that's the first thing that comes to your head....mix trivial stuff in with the poetic stuff to make the poetic stuff seem more powerful....but if comes from the heart then my opinion doesn't hold any water.

good work.

Shivs · 07-29-2009, 04:12 PM

Thanks man, that means a lot.

Nicktarist · 07-29-2009, 07:24 PM

yeah, I like what asshat is sayin' here: Context Context Context. Nice work-- although it seems a little too intelligent to be grunge.

peace,
-nick

Terrible Lizard · 07-29-2009, 07:29 PM

Lyrically of much higher quality than the majority of **** that's posted in the Song Writing forum.

Congrats.

07-22-2009, 10:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Shivs Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 62	Hey dudes/dudettes " Untitled 1 " Deserted cracks whisper to me Soles of my feet are joining with them Like a hurricane, I fall through Like the surest rain, I crawl through Hands, oh land On my face and my arms Brands, brands Show me that I'm harmed By the shadows that float above Oh, nobody needs that love Slithered forward, constrict and leave Sharks to fish, wolves to sheep Like they want, I let go As they creep, to and fro Sands, oh land Through my voiceless throat Glands, glands Nailed to the side of my heart Brought down by the good people Oh, that nobody loves. I wrote this song about rape, how suddenly it can happen, and how scarring it can be. My friend was actually raped, so she caused a bit of inspiration for this one too. " Floatin' " Crutch Teach me mass division They said we can't love your decisions Wiped for my lack of Man made incisions Raped judgment is influential I know I won't make another But I'm betting you will Don't lose that thrill, man Pushed through a cycle I barely think Replace what you won't fill Gimmie chains and links Lock, shock and awe It's all in the wrist Tethered mind floats while your body sinks Fatal life jackets in this ocean of trends Another one starts so another one ends She's got no mom, he's got no future I'm just teasing, They've got no reason Flowin' through a cycle I barely think Replace what you won't fill Given chains and links Lock, shock and awe It's all in the wrist, man Tethered mind floats while your body sinks Same old cycle I barely think Replace what you won't fill Choose the chains and links Lock, shock and awe It's all in the wrist Tethered mind floats, You know your body sinks, yeah? Alot of the kids I know do drugs for no reason, and I don't see a point. It's not for spiritual purposes, or for any real purpose actually, haha, they just do. Because it's "hip"? I don't really know, guys. " Relevance " Growing weeds in my head Flowers burned to nothingness as Life and love once fled Lying, flying, it's all the same Come on, shutters are locked, I'll feel no rain Growing wings, oh then they were snapped Crushed as a child's own wondrous craft Paper thin, Rape her then, It'll all be relevant when we begin to mend Overrun by alien thoughts, Interrupted lives were lost And though it's true I cannot dream You'll be back, for another go Flowing wings eventually snap Destroy this child's own wondrous craft Paper thin, Rape her then, Doesn't seem relevant until we mend This one's about a man in a coma, which is the main reason for the "snapped grown wings" line. Life can be taken away pretty easily, man. " Everyone Gets Them " These insects full of acid, Resting in my bones I can feel them fluttering Feelings will be honed This worm will eat my apple Feast so long on my love Grow my sweet little baby, You'll hurt soon enough Crying fetus of a cocoon life Sleeping now, forget the strife Dream your warm body for now Tomorrow we will awake Wings in bloom, blind eyes open Scrape my mind of empty dust Impregnated by my future girl Exist cause love is lust Kinda cliche to be writing about love, I know, but it's not really a boyfriend/girlfriend breakup song, is it? I thought that twisting around the idea of the phrase "I've got butterflies in my stomach" would be pretty good, and that's the result. " Nectar " Come out from your hole, always nocturnal Predators instincts are dirty and feral Search the stock until you become so sick Handle of the door now clicks Now, you don't stop, It's all for gain, it's in the chain I take my punishment, You take your sins This wasp without a stinger, Blank, tortured grin Mating season comes upon us Big queen bee will now sell fake lust I search for the flower, I'm trapped in the hive, Survive for the nectar For the nectar we must Purposely futile satisfaction My family is trapped inside this old soup tin Grazing the forest for hope, for truth Strangers graze the forest as a personal booth Power in my hands, traded for a substance Satisfy the man, Once your in, there's no chance Fueled by desire to love and to hate Shackled by a fire, Accepted our fates Mating season is again upon us, Big queen bee will now sell fake lust I search for the flower Been trapped in a hive, Survive for the nectar, For the nectar we must Can anyone guess what this one's about? Last edited by Shivs; 07-23-2009 at 11:33 PM.

07-29-2009, 03:34 AM	#7 (permalink)
asshat king of sex Join Date: May 2009 Location: canada Posts: 331	...this is some prime work...far above my head so I don't really no what to say. The only complaint I'd have(and this is just personal preference alone) is the language seems a little too esoteric sometimes. Sometimes a song needs to make an immediate impact and not require any further probing of the lyrics...don't be afraid of seemingly mundane or predictable lines if that's the first thing that comes to your head....mix trivial stuff in with the poetic stuff to make the poetic stuff seem more powerful....but if comes from the heart then my opinion doesn't hold any water. good work. __________________ Rye Catcher II: Electric Boogaloo http://oldhickory666.blogspot.com/

07-29-2009, 07:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
Terrible Lizard **ER OF HOLES Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Butt**, Nebraska Posts: 1,211	Lyrically of much higher quality than the majority of **** that's posted in the Song Writing forum. Congrats. __________________ “YOU ARE SCUM SLUT.” -John Martyn

07-26-2009, 04:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	Nobody has replied to this yet because theres nothing to make fun of, a great accomplishment in this forum! But seriously your work here far above average, there are alot more concepts being used rather than the same old "she was my girl" "he was my man" garbage that pollutes this place. I'd like to see just a bit more positive thoughts... the subject matter is rather serious, which isn't bad, but can be taken as pretentious if something positive isn't injected every now and then. Atleast in my opinion anyway. Also a few words you used didn't quite fit/are overused. But this is normal and with a little refinement shouldn't be a problem. I liked " Untitled 1 " the best!

07-27-2009, 03:17 PM	#4 (permalink)
Shivs Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 62	Thanks guys Yeah, Conan, I think this'll be a kind of grunge/post-grunge project for me, that's one of the bands I want to start someday. I've been trying lighter stuff recently, so hopefully I can get some up here sometime soon. What does pretentious mean, by the way? Not familiar with the definition, haha. And also, thanks AwwSugar, I'm glad you liked them!

07-27-2009, 03:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	It can mean alot of different things. In this context though it might seem like your music is the self-elected spokesperson for the world's problems. Relax though because I don't think it's pretentious, just a little heads up about something to watch out for. And yeah keep at it!

07-27-2009, 03:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
Shivs Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 62	Ah yeah, haha, don't really want to be labled as something in the long run, eh? I'll try and lighten up a bit, Conan, thanks again!

07-29-2009, 04:12 PM	#8 (permalink)
Shivs Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 62	Thanks man, that means a lot.