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09-27-2009, 12:48 PM | #61 (permalink) | ||
young gun funyun
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern US
Posts: 166
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If that doesn't work, you should go get a milkshake from Sonic, Checker's, or Rally's (whatever is in Canada). Just sit in your car until the shake is done. Shouldn't take too long, but it always puts me in a good mood. I dunno though. Food always calms me down, no matter what. Just don't get the food from a franchise. It's often stuffed with 'enhancements' and whatnot that can make the stress worse. As for writing, I write better on a computer outside of my house. I don't do it often, but, every once in a while, I go out somewhere (not outside, preferrably when it's raining) and write. I mainly write essays and short stories though. Music n' Lyrics are really just another hobby that I happened to've collected. Now, all that is to say that you don't have to post new songs. I read them as they appear, and if there isn't anything new--well then, I'll live. As for your song "Untitled-3", it's very good. I don't have suggestions as to making it better other than adding a few repeating lines towards the end to give the meaning more definition. And, as a note--do not repeat that first line more than once. It's okay, but make sure the phrase you use can be doubled. Allot of lines will loose their meaning when repeated more than once. That's why you can't say "I love you, I love you, I love you," because it looses it's impact. You want to find a phrase that builds upon the last like a ladder. The phrase has to be just fleeting enough that the listener finally realizes what it means by the last few times you sing it. PS: My teachers would probably tell me that's very Zennish. I don't even know what that means. peace out, -nick
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09-27-2009, 02:25 PM | #62 (permalink) | |
Music Addict
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 62
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05-09-2010, 03:09 AM | #63 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 62
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A Friend
The hours of the days, Of the life I sacrificed Swept up in an instant, To be spoken to of, The realization of difference I had the willingness to dream Was there even a threat? An easier target to stun, Stood up to let you stand A friend or a distraction, From a heart or a hand? Climb into my words Hear me out if you will Birds of a feather, locked together In a cage, on an old windowsill I had the willingness to dream Was there even a threat? An easier target to stun Stood up to let you stand A friend or a distraction, From a heart or a hand? I've been willing us to dream, To reopen the threats An easier target to stun, Standing here because I am A friend or a distraction, From a heart or a hand? One Fighters of a new age Rejoice at what you are Call once, along the cities To the choice of what is ours Fall under the radar, Rise up to the hammer, Work your ways behind the curtains Further distance, fair lanterns Bring warmth to every person Fighters of a new age Urban thrones amongst the seasons, We've trained for life's amounts So that when legacies are told Each person will have freedom Hey guys, two new songs to make up for the six-ish months I've been gone. I left because of mostly personal and creative reasons, and also because I just got too stressed out with school and everything. I don't know, things just weren't working. Anyways, hopefully I'll be posting around more regularly from now on. It's good to be back!
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http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...mentsnoopy.gif Last edited by Shivs; 05-09-2010 at 12:08 PM. |
05-10-2010, 01:31 PM | #64 (permalink) | ||
Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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I had a hard time understanding "Friend." I feel it flows well and has pleasant rhyming interspersed among the lines and not used too heavily, but conceptually I get lost. What are the imagined threats that should be "reopened," for example? I get a general feeling from "Freedom" (that it urges people to challenge that which opposes freedom), but I can't follow the particulars, such as in the lines in bold above. What are urban thrones among the seasons? What are life's amounts for which we've trained? I can tell it sounds like you have particular reasons for your word choices, but I don't know what they are, and I wish I did!
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