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09-22-2009, 06:47 PM | #31 (permalink) | ||
"Hermione-Lite"
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York.
Posts: 3,084
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I think you created a life for this character wonderfully.
Things I could do without (in bold): Quote:
Quote:
Otherwise, I really like it, I think. Well done. |
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09-22-2009, 07:27 PM | #32 (permalink) | |
Music?! Lets boogie!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: CO
Posts: 215
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Quote:
Where's the other sagged? maybe im just blind, but i only see it used once :O
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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you." |
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09-22-2009, 07:30 PM | #33 (permalink) | |
FakingSuicideForApplause
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: I live in a van down by the river
Posts: 1,365
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Quote:
You used sagged in the sixth line of the last paragraph
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I'll stay if I ever could, and pick up your pieces babe, because there's never a perfect day. |
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09-22-2009, 07:47 PM | #34 (permalink) |
Music?! Lets boogie!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: CO
Posts: 215
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oh, there it is! fixed! i changed "screaming" to unruly and the second sagged to "hung loosely" though, that might change again later cuz i dont like it quite right. thx.
__________________
"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you." |
09-22-2009, 08:20 PM | #35 (permalink) | |
"Hermione-Lite"
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York.
Posts: 3,084
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Quote:
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12-01-2009, 06:49 AM | #36 (permalink) | |
Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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Quote:
I don't know why but I'm getting a very Pain Of Salvation vibe from this one? (which is a very nice thing) |
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12-01-2009, 05:20 PM | #37 (permalink) |
Music?! Lets boogie!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: CO
Posts: 215
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ha, it was weird to see my thread on the first page again... thanks for reading, Cold is my favorite too. Unfortunitely my creativity is being stifled by the amount of time i spend on school work so I haven't had a chance to write at all, very sad. Hopefully I will more now that i'm keeping a journal (again). *sigh*
And somehow Pain of Salvation has managed to escape my notice until now...but I did a quick listen, and yes, the general feeling of their music was roughly what I had planned for "The Dance." Thanks for commenting and adding this band to my "like" list!
__________________
"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you." |
12-01-2009, 11:48 PM | #38 (permalink) | |
Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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Quote:
I've always loved PoS, changing their style constantly. Well I mean they are progressive so it's a given that they do. 'Cold' seriously needs to be made into a song, I'd love to hear it. |
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01-17-2010, 01:06 PM | #39 (permalink) |
Music?! Lets boogie!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: CO
Posts: 215
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New song!!!!!!!
I just got a ukulele and can finally put music to my lyrics. I'm finding it's also a lot easier to make up lyrics when there is already music as well. I've already put the rainbow one from the very first page to music (kind of a silly kids song type thing) and here is my very first ever love song:
Inbetween Time Running through the starlight A pair of alpha wolves A ballroom in the misty rain This sweet fantasy keeps my shoulders straight These wond'rings keep me sane Chorus When the distances between us Are a calandar or two Let us go down dancing Betwixt the mists of time When the distance inbetween us Is just a calandar Let us dance, let us take refuge Inbetween times Hello, baby, how are you? It's been a long hard day, and I've missed you Is it love lost hold, direction, Walking a stretched phone line? How do yo know I love you When you're oh so far away? But I do. Chorus But the cuffs and chains that bind us to the city walls so cold, Responsibility, will keep us occupied Until your paw in mine I'll hold Hello baby, how are you? It's been a long hard day, And I've missed you and I love you. How I've missed you. Let us go down dancing Betwixt the mists of time Let us go, let us go out dancing Inbetween time. And i love you, how I love you Inbetween time Inbetween time. It ends up being about 5 minutes long..because it's very slow.
__________________
"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you." |
01-17-2010, 03:37 PM | #40 (permalink) |
FakingSuicideForApplause
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: I live in a van down by the river
Posts: 1,365
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I like this and I love the simple nature of the lyrics. In most songs, it is those simple lines that strike us the hardest. The chorus does a really good job of this, and it is probably my most favourite part of the song I'm looking forward to hearing your version of this though
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I'll stay if I ever could, and pick up your pieces babe, because there's never a perfect day. |
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