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07-05-2009, 01:02 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 7
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Their craving obsession for agonizing contestants (lyrics)
Empty walls and a big white room
you've lost your mind, i'm losing mine too We've been condemned for so long now what's wrong is right, what's right is wrong We've lost it all and so they've won They have taken it all our sanity too And now were trapped in this big white room Their watching us decompose our minds are framed viewed as a show were their entertainment and were helpless in their arms They have our control they have all that we own we could never win and now were losing ourselves Padded walls, windowless rooms sharp objects were taken away there's no hope for us to end this ourselves There in control of our agony and our sufferings what they crave Keep us here and we'll scream out for an end We'll hopelessly search even knowing the truth only they can help us Only they can end this disgust But the truth is simple simple and clear They live to watch us suffer in this big white room |
08-08-2009, 02:05 PM | #3 (permalink) | |||
young gun funyun
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern US
Posts: 166
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You've got an interesting concept, but I want to make just a couple of points without telling you exactly what you should do here.
Now, in my own songwriting, I used to use the word 'They' allot--thinking it was appropriate (and it was) for the situtation. I guess the more and more I used it, the more and more I realized that it felt like a badly written horror movie. Quote:
Quote:
peace out, -nick
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08-10-2009, 02:04 PM | #4 (permalink) |
Music?! Lets boogie!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: CO
Posts: 215
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I'd agree with Nick. We know where the "story" takes place, and how the people there feel, but not a whole lot else. The extra dimension you could give it by editing in a bit more could mean the difference between a somewhat average angsty poem, and a piece of art that demands to be read and felt.
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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you." |
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