[Misguided Allignment]

Luxoran · 06-29-2009, 12:32 PM

Just a little poetic bit. Give a little feedback to little old me, will you? The world can't handle much without something to recognize its existence, [after all].

MISGUIDED ALLIGNMENT

I leave a dream, and enter a dreamer's world

I leave a shadow, and it grows up to be me

I call the birds, and they fly the other direction

I cast a stone, and the splash reaches Jupiter's sea

Riding a wave is like riding your soldiers to war

Losing a life is like losing a game, only sadder

Running a race is like leaving the planet behind you

Burning a flag is like torture when it doesn’t matter

Give me some knives, and I’ll carve you a statue of love

Give me some hate, and I’ll carve you a statue of knives

The final hours, you realize, are only a goal

And the ending you’ve dreaded your whole life arrives

Mirrors are lying to you only if you distrust them

A rainbow in Heaven is monochrome if you are blind

Railroads are only a boundary for greater adventure

And leaving a world somewhat crumpled on paper behind

----

The 1st and 2nd verses are my absolute trump cards, whilst the 3rd and 4th get a bit sloppy for my taste. All in all, I'd give my own piece a [generous] 8.5/10.

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06-29-2009, 12:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
Luxoran Groupie Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: The World Posts: 15	[Misguided Allignment] Just a little poetic bit. Give a little feedback to little old me, will you? The world can't handle much without something to recognize its existence, [after all]. MISGUIDED ALLIGNMENT I leave a dream, and enter a dreamer's world I leave a shadow, and it grows up to be me I call the birds, and they fly the other direction I cast a stone, and the splash reaches Jupiter's sea Riding a wave is like riding your soldiers to war Losing a life is like losing a game, only sadder Running a race is like leaving the planet behind you Burning a flag is like torture when it doesn’t matter Give me some knives, and I’ll carve you a statue of love Give me some hate, and I’ll carve you a statue of knives The final hours, you realize, are only a goal And the ending you’ve dreaded your whole life arrives Mirrors are lying to you only if you distrust them A rainbow in Heaven is monochrome if you are blind Railroads are only a boundary for greater adventure And leaving a world somewhat crumpled on paper behind ---- The 1st and 2nd verses are my absolute trump cards, whilst the 3rd and 4th get a bit sloppy for my taste. All in all, I'd give my own piece a [generous] 8.5/10. Feedback in 3 2 1 __________________ [ there was a time / I would have just ran ]