FooFighting

Sherrin on a football boot
Great men in white shorts
The grandest game is fought
By the tackle, hand and foot.

The game has begun
The massive crowd screams
Players, by any means
Will compete til they've won.

The ruck' gets the ball
And kicks it to 'fifty
Opponents look shifty as the
Forward marks and falls

The fans shouts encourages
And the others all 'Boo!'
Forward checks his shoe
Then forwards he surges

He holds the ball downwards
Left arm goes up
Pulls his right foot backwards
And looks straight up.

Staring through goalposts
His right arm drops
Right leg flies forwards
And so does the ball.

Sherrin soars high and fast
Straight through the posts




-----------------------------------------------------------------
Aussie Rules Footy. Best game in the world

VEGANGELICA

Hi FooFighting,

I decided to comment on this poem because it appeals to me for three reasons:

(1) I don't often read poems about Australian football!
(2) I didn't know what a sherrin was, and so had to look it up and now know it is a brand of football used in Australian football.
(3) I love rhyming poetry and I like the way you have stayed quite closely to a 4-line stanza in which the 1st and 4th lines rhyme.

When I see your poem start with quite fixed rhyme scheme (such as abba), I tend to want to see that maintained throughout the poem...unless the relaxation of the rhyme scheme is to represent the frenzied chaos and the excitement of the game taking over the crowd and players! I have never watched an Australian football match, so it was fun to read something written about it by a fan/player.

--Erica

__________________

FooFighting

yeah I didnt mean for all my songs to go like this.
I made them all seperated and then they all merged to one...
im as confused as you are!

Urban Hat€monger ?

Because that's how things are posted in this forum.

There's a thread at the top of the page saying ' READ THIS THREAD BEFORE YOU POST ANYTHING HERE'

I also gave you the link to it earlier in this thread if you are in any doubt.

__________________

FooFighting

Riverbank



Sitting on the riverbank
Watching the sun
Only just a year ago
I found the one

The hot summer of last year
My feet in the sand
Frying in the burning light
You gave me your hand

We moved under the big tree
And into the shade
Talking, laughing, then I asked
To tell me your name

You hesitated shortly
Then opened your mouth
It moved like it was talking
But there was no sound

"Why so mysterious"
I asked quizzically
But you'd already run off
Away from me

A lonely month followed
I was so bored
But when Autumn came
To the riverside I returned

That day I found you under
The big shady tree
That a month ago had kept the
Sun away from me

You seemed different
Quiet, sad, and scared
When you sat down with me
You stopped acting so weird

We talked, laughed, and then I said
"I still don't know your name"
You didn't answer no
But you did something great

Leaning over on the leaves
You stared in to my eyes
A smile spread across your face
I forgot all your lies

You lips brushed mine, tenderly, lovingly
My eyes closed in delight
I'd never ever felt so good
I'd never felt so bright

We sat under the big old tree
Until the sun set
A cloud rolled over the sky above
And suddenly we were wet

We ran home as fast as we could
I welcomed him through the door
But he refused suddenly
And ran home with no more

Until that day a year ago
I've not seen you once
We only met each other twice
But it felt like months and months

So now I sit at the riverbank
The blaring sun up high
I think of the unnamed man
And heave a great big sigh

One more time I'd like to see
The one perfect man
But the riverbank lay lone and bare
Except for the land

I sit there with my memories
I wish you were there
A sound crackles in my ear
I turn around in fear

A figure rises through the trees
A brilliant thought takes over me
I shift happily in the sand
As you hold out your hand

You take me to the shady tree
You put your arms around me
Your tender lips brush mine
I feel so damn fine

A smile grows upon your face
Your mouth opens to say
"My name is still unkown to you
It will still be a mystery too"

"So what about a nickname?
You can pick it- it's a game"
I think a sec and then I whisper
"Hi, my best friend ever, River!"


- I wrote the first 3 or 4 lines on a piece of paper, but the rest was written while on Banter- so it gets a bit crap and corny, including the last line. Sorry-

Arya Stark

You shouldn't have posted it twice, I didn't realize you had a collection already.

__________________

MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

FooFighting

One Last Glance

It's been one thousand years
Since I last saw your face.
I've shed one thousand tears
And I've shed my grace.

Five hundred years more
I would stand.
If it could mean
Just one more glance.

Arya Stark

The lines that I didn't quote sound too clichè for me to really be affected by it.

I like those four lines I quoted, though.

__________________

MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

FooFighting

Thanks for the feedback AwwSugar- keep it up.

Arya Stark

Keep up the feedback? xD

__________________

MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.