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06-03-2009, 11:45 AM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1
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Could use some honest opinions
I wrote a song for the first time. I just would like a few opinions, see what other people think. I dont have music for it, but I think it would be similar pace to music by the Fray
My world has fallen dark tonight The clouds roll in and the truth came down He's not so perfect after all Now I'm caught up in the dark without a light Time turns the pages, I quickly lose my place Swept up in the dark i feel alone Turn it upside down, there's no way I can erase You found me in the clouds, now here we are And the story starts again I want to feel Open your eyes and let me in Jaded and broken but im standing here Take it all, Lets make this real Seeing you inside my head I hear you playing for me as i sleep I'm together with the feelings from the sound right beside you I'm alone in my bed i wake and find your so far away i ride on an angels wings to be near you hiding the fear i have i smile in your arms i hang my hopes on every word that you say I want to feel Open your eyes and let me in Jaded and broken but im standing here Take it all, Lets make this real do you want to be something to me wrap me up in all that you are i am everything you want ill take take the chance if you can see I want to feel Open your eyes and let me in Jaded and broken but im standing here Take it all, Lets make this real Hurt me gently I feel the warmth on my skin Don't turn off the light It all falls on us I want to feel Open your eyes and let me in |
06-03-2009, 12:22 PM | #2 (permalink) |
myspace.com/stonebirdies
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here
Posts: 1,401
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I think you could go with a simple title like "Dark" or "Jaded"
i suggest when you start creating the music start with piano/keyboard (or MIDI) then go on to either guitar/bass, add drums/percussion and then anyhing else you believe would go with the song. i think this is very good song. what you could do is record the vocals so we know what it sounds like, and then after some listening some people might help you out. also are there any other influences you can think of? |
06-08-2009, 12:48 PM | #4 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada Ontario.
Posts: 21
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i agree that a good piano intro would go well. when i read the lyrics, it reminds me of something like: I wont see you tonight Pt1 - avenged sevenfold, you should check it out, it might give you some ideas
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