Ravenkin

I liked this one, when my headache goes away ill critique it more

Rainfall

@Nicktarist
Why does age matter? I'm met eight year-olds who are smarter and more mature than my own father (which may not say much, really); critism is critism; if you don't agree with it, you don't have to take their messages to heart.

If a a child speaks words of wisdom, does her age taint her message?

@Erica
May I inform you why I eat the tasty animals you are trying so hard to save (which I applaud, in an indirect way)?
One day I will sit down and read all your stuff, but not tonight.

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Rule #7 – Trust only when trusted.

VEGANGELICA

Hi Nick,
Thanks for reading and for appreciating the storytelling, as well as for your suggestion to make "Africa" more of a story than a documentary about life in Africa (good advice). I do like telling stories.

Hi Ravenkin,
Sorry about your headache. Those are no fun. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you'll feel better soon.

Hiya Rainfall,
Yes, I quite agree, age doesn't matter. And yes yes yes I'd very much like to hear more about your reasons for eating animals (like we've talked about in PMs) because I'm trying to write songs that address the reasons people often have for eating omnivorous diets. Thank you for offering!

--Erica

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VEGANGELICA

Hello to all of you,

First...Nick, Ravenkin, and Rainfall...I want to let you know that I wrote replies to your comments (thank you for them!) in my previous post.

I was planning to share another vegan song relating to how people treat non-human animals, but I decided instead to post the lyrics of a song I finished last week about how people sometimes treat other people. I wrote "Garden" for anyone who has ever been betrayed or used in a relationship. This song makes me sad (and a little angry) when I sing it because it taps into experiences I had long ago.

ERICA'S MUSIC RATING SYSTEM rating (which I still post for AwwSugar in case she comes back) for "Garden" is RRR for "A Relationship song with References to Religion."

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“Garden” by Erica

Say what you will, I can still see your look,
catching my eye as I reached up and took,
plucked in my palm, the fruit from the tree
so you could share knowledge with me.

You were no Adam and I was no Eve
when you said if we ever were told we must leave
we would go side-by-side, two as one, happily
if that meant you’d share knowledge with me.

Claim what you will, I can still feel your hand
pulling me gently down, sweet your demand,
juice from the fruit, the smile on your face,
as you offered me the first taste

saying, “Don’t bow your head, push that shyness away.
There’s no sin, there’s no guilt for which we have to pay,
no more shame, no more emptiness, longing or fear.
Believe in my love. I am here.”

Think what you will, I remember your word
given to me. I still know what I heard:
“Trust me,” you said, “I would never blame you
for something I wanted to do.”

And your promise of joy that this knowledge would bring,
the unknown, the allure, were so tantalizing,
I was caught in your lie, in your arms, didn’t see
the knowledge you sought was of me.

And your gentleness, strength coiled within, left me awed,
but I know now your caring was just a facade,
for you left me there broken where gardens once grew
and the snake in the bower was you.

For you were like God in the story of Eve
when you said it was my fault that I was naive,
though you knew I lacked knowledge of wrong and of right,
yet forbid the fruit you placed in sight.

Oh, you were like Adam – you left me to grieve
when you said it was my fault I chose to believe
though you ate of the fruit willingly, as did I,
not knowing your love was a lie.

I thought I was someone you’d never deceive
when you said if we ever were told we must leave
we would go side-by-side, hand-in-hand, happily
if that meant you’d share knowledge with me.

Oh, you were no Adam and I was no Eve
when you said if we ever were told we must leave
we would go side-by-side, hand-in-hand, happily
for a lifetime of knowledge
with me.

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Arya Stark

Dearest Erica,

As difficult of a time I have with rhyming, I quite loved this poem.

I have one thing that I would personally fix, and I'm wondering if you like my idea as well. Instead of this:

I would keep the rhythm, like this.

I'm not going to lie to you and say I read through the entire thing. I read about half. But I promise I will read the poem through. I might actually want to print it out, I quite like it.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come back and read this for you. Of all of your poetry that I have read, this is the one I can relate to the most.

I love you to death, and I'm heartbroken that you were thinking of me while I was being so careless.

Much Love (in a hearfelt letter-like post),

Sugar

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MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

VEGANGELICA

My Dear Sugar,

Thank you for visiting my thread again and for your suggestion about the rhythm of "Garden." I appreciate you reading (half) and thinking of something you'd recommend altering...but I hope you know I like you just as much even if you don't visit the thread! Don't worry--I haven't been feeling too, too, too, too, too, too, *too* terribly neglected. Still, it is nice to hear your feedback, much as I have now come to rely on The Unfan to ground me in reality. He is a good, harsh critic...almost as good as you!

And so I close,
as always,
with my brainfelt =@ affection,

--VeggiePants (aka Erica)

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Arya Stark

Dear Erica,

Of course I would remember your name. And I'm glad Unfan is taking care of you... or something like that. [=

With my heartfelt boobs wearing a party hat <3,

SugaSuga xD

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MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.