VEGANGELICA

I suspect you're right that my "puppy-man" probably wouldn't be too "housebroken" that he isn't your "pup" of tea, Liz (ha ha!).

I definitely think Eddie Van Halen is attractive, and I know this because I know I like watching him!
I think his smile makes him very fetching.
I first was charmed by his winsome, happy, and quirky smile when I saw Van Halen's "Jump" video:

Van Halen - "Jump"
Look at Eddie's gleeful smile at 0:55, 1:20, 2:06, 2:20 (where he plays a guitar solo I *do* like),
and at 2:57 when he's playing keyboards. I'd forgotten he plays keyboards!
He looks like a sweet guy.



^ EDIT: Whoa! I just noticed that mega drum set!! Four bass drums??
That drum set is awesome and puts my meager one very much to shame.

But back to Eddie -- I like the way he is into his music, he doesn't hold back, and he's enthusiastic and full of energy.
I think his appearance can range from hot to cute to goofy in a fun, little-brother sort of way:

Eddie Van Halen looking...

Hot:
(I get the feeling he doesn't like shirts!)




Cute and hot with hot guitars:
(I'm experiencing guitar envy. Heh - I wore pants like that in the '80s.)




Very, very yellow:



That interview of Syd Barrett is darling. He sounds so calm and understated.
I especially like the picture of him in the pink shirt. Syd (Roger) would have been very fortunate to be rescued by you,
and of course you both would have fallen in love!

I just read on Wikipedia about Syd's life after Pink Floyd.
I never realized he spent most of the rest of his life without playing music or being in the public eye.
I didn't know he liked painting and gardening:



Here he is in younger life with a garden behind him...and a cat:



NOW I know who should be singing "Hearth" to you!

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ribbons

I definitely see what you see in Eddie there, Erica. He makes many adorable faces in that video! Eddie’s solo is great (and technically awe-inspiring) in service of that song. As for his playing keyboards, I read on Wikipedia that he is actually a classically trained pianist. I never knew that. The “Jump” song and video and the 1984 album was HUGE at the time. I have a vivid memory of a late night at the beach with friends around a fire -- with 1984 playing on a portable cassette player. On the way home, my friend who was driving kept blasting “Panama” in the car cassette player and singing at the top of his lungs. Even though we all complained at the time that he kept playing the song over and over and we sort of had a disdainful attitude about it, I still think of hot winds coming in through the windows and the highway lines racing along whenever I hear that song…and it’s a nice memory.

Guitar envy, yes! He’s even got the Jimmy Page double-necked Gibson there. I’ll bet you looked so cute in those ‘80s pants (I forget now what they were called!). I was permanently attached to a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans in the ‘80s.

Well, I know you’re enamored of Alex’s mega-drums but your kit isn’t “meager”! It suits your purposes well – it’s not as though you need to play over a loud ‘n’ heavy rock band at full throttle. Many of the world’s greatest and most musical drummers have played on minimal kits.

Wishing you sweet dreams again, Erica…with visions of shirtless Eddie, cute ‘n’ hot Eddie, and very, very yellow Eddie (ha!) for extra sweetenin's!

VEGANGELICA

Your memories are lovely. Thank you for sharing them, Liz.

I'd much rather have your highway memory than mine! My main memory of watching highway lines racing was when I was in a friend's car in Nebraska at night after we apparently ran over a recently road-killed (unfortunately) skunk causing the car to fill up with the skunk stench. After that, we were all staring at the road because we were afraid of hitting skunks, and so I remember the midline stripes racing by on the road where it was lit by the headlights. I will try to wipe this memory from my mind and replace it with yours.

I never liked the song "Panama" much either. Too simple and blunt, somehow, and nonsensical. I just watched the video! The band certainly liked goofing around. I chuckled the most when David Lee Roth ran across stage while twirling ribbons behind him as in rhythmic gymnastics, which I've often thought of as a sort of lesser form of gymnastics...nothing against ribbons, of course!

Gymnast doing Rhythmic Gymnastics in a competition:




David Lee Roth doing Rhythmic Gymnastics in "Panama":
Observe how at 3:11 he gallops across the stage while making a lovely ribbon spiral behind him



Ooo! You recognized that the double-necked guitar was a Jimmy Page Gibson right away!

I remember Gloria Vanderbilt jeans! I never had any designer jeans, but I remember my favorite pair of jeans in Junior High was lavender with white pinstripes. One time the hottest boy in school while passing by me said disdainfully, "Lavender??" and I replied, "Yeah. Lavender."

Good point about the drums. I'd have no space for a bigger set, anyway, even if I wanted one. Right now I manage to fit my drums, keyboard, computer, one guitar (soon to be 2!), electric bass, desk, two bookshelves, ~ 7 microphones and stands, two amplifiers, and a computer chair and a stool (for seated guitar or keyboard playing) all in a 12 ft x 5 1/2 ft space between a wall and a stairwell railing! Getting to the computer is like climbing into the cockpit of an airplane made of instruments!

As for Eddie Van Halen, I didn't know he was trained as a classical pianist! I am impressed, but I really do just get a little brother vibe about him, which is probably why I think of him as a puppy. See, here is Eddie's adorable terrier twin, playing with...an adorable boar.

If Eddie Van Halen were a Dog:

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ribbons

Erica, I’m glad you have nothing against ribbons – ha! I remember watching the “Panama” video in old MTV days and forgot how David Lee Roth does that brief ribbon twirl in it. I did remember them flying around on wires and a Jack Daniels bass and blow dryer, though. Sorry about that awful skunk roadkill memory! It is better off replaced, even if it is with “Panama” – which is at least better than skunk stench.

I’ve never heard of rhythmic gymnastics before. I watched a few YouTube videos, and it seems to me like floor exercise gymnastics with paraphernalia - which I've read includes ropes, clubs, hoops, balls, and (here we go again) ribbons.

I think you must have looked very sweet in Junior High with your lavender and white pinstriped jeans! And I don’t think it was too hot of the hottest boy in school to poke fun at your expense. I always disliked that sort of person in school years, which is why I never wound up hanging out in certain “popular” circles. I gravitated toward having just a few close friends who were kind to others.

I’m glad you have a special place for all your cool instruments (and bookshelves and computer!) even though you find it small and like a “cockpit”! I view it as a mini-lab in which you experiment and create your wonderful music and posts to MB, and feed that awesome brain of yours with reading. And soon there will be a new addition to your cool gear: your Silver Sister Strat! Can’t wait to hear what you think of it.

Now back to Eddie the puppy-man:

That’s so funny, Erica!! That dog has exactly the same expression on his face that Eddie often makes; if he had a striped Kramer and long mullet hair, he’d be a dead ringer! That baby boar is pretty cute, too.

VEGANGELICA

Hello you,

I've been thinking recently that all songs can be categorized as either songs of pleasure or songs of coping, or some combination of the two.

Several months ago I wrote the following lyrics for a loved one to show my overall perspective on the effect his love and his loss have had on my life. It is both a song of pleasure and a song of coping. Even though I told him almost everything that I say in the song while he was alive, I wish very much that I could tell him again.

After the lyrics I'll explain the references I made in them to literature and music, for those of you who are interested. Thanks to ribbons (aka Liz) and our discussion of the song "Julia" by John Lennon/The Beatles, I have been thinking of the way short songs can expand their meanings by paraphrasing or quoting poetry or other outside sources, which reminded me of the love song that I had written for *my* loved one.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"True Enchanter" -- for Jack by Erica

You were the sweetest part of my life.
You sang a melody only I could hear.
Touched by every word,
my imagination stirred,
my true enchanter.

You were the sweetest part of my day,
my darling confident confidant.
Your love made it easy
to covet our sincerity,
and you gave me what I want.

Our meeting felt like magic.
You were so playful and romantic.
You were the most magnetic person I ever met.
You had a way of engaging me
with your caring, wit, and honesty.
Oh please, I don’t want us to be over yet.

You were the sweetest part of my nights
when darkness brought you near,
the distance between us spanned.
I covered you with reality
where you were dreaming with me
in silence, hand in hand.

And our loving felt like magic.
You were so deeply romantic.
You were the most magnetic man I ever met.
I loved your way of engaging me
with your daring, wit, and honesty.
Oh please, I don’t want us to be over yet.
I don’t want us to be over yet.

You were the saddest part of my life,
so close to me and then so far.
Oh, how I wish you knew
my love remains with you
everywhere you are.

Our meeting felt like magic.
We were so hopefully romantic.
You were the most magnetic person I ever met.
You had a way of engaging me
with caring, wit, and honesty.
Oh please, I don’t want us to be over yet.

Our loving felt like magic,
so open and romantic.
You were the most magnetic man I ever met.
I loved your way of engaging me
with daring, wit, and honesty.
Oh please, I don’t want us to be over yet.
I don’t want us to be over yet

slowly I’m learning
I’ll always be yearning
for time with you that I will never get,
and though it hurts to remember
how our spring became December,
it hurts less to remember than forget
and I’ll never forget...

you were the sweetest part of my life.
You sang a melody only I could hear.
Touched by every word,
my imagination stirred,
my true enchanter.

Touched by every word,
our imagination stirred,
my true enchanter.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now, in case you are wondering, I'll explain the references I made in the song. I based the lyrics on two of my favorite quotes about love (the second of which I shared with my loved one last year) and on two songs (“Everywhere” and “Within You Without You”) that he and I both liked. I also included a reference to the song “Cover Me” by Bruce Springsteen:

Washington Irving: "He is the true enchanter, whose spell operates, not upon the senses, but upon the imagination and the heart."

Oscar Wilde: “You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”

Fleetwood Mac: "Everywhere”
"I want to be with you everywhere.”

The Beatles: "Within You Without You"
"We were talking about the space between us all
And the people who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion,
Never glimpse the truth, then it's far too late, when they pass away.
We were talking about the love we all could share,
When we find it, to try our best to hold it there with our love"

Bruce Sprinsteen: “Cover Me”
"The times are tough now, just getting tougher.
This old world is rough, it's just getting rougher.
Cover me, come on baby, cover me.
Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me.”

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someonecompletelyrandom

Very nice, I loved the illusions to the other works.

ribbons

Erica, thank you for sharing your beautiful song for Jack, and I also love the references. Your lyrics relay such a strong sense of what Jack was like as a person and the reasons why you loved him so much.

In reading the lyrics you quoted from "Within You Without You", I immediately thought of the following passage by Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore. Just thought I'd post it here, in honor of Jack's memory and the very special bond you shared.

"Those who are near me do not know that you are nearer to me than they are
Those who speak to me do not know that my heart is full with your unspoken words
Those who crowd in my path do not know that I am walking alone with you
They who love me do not know that their love brings you to my heart."

VEGANGELICA

Thanks for your feedback, Conan.

I think the downside of the allusions I made is that almost no one would get them if I didn't explain what they are! "Everywhere" isn't going to make most people think automatically of the song "Everywhere," for example ... but it was part of the private language specific to my relationship to that individual, and so I liked using references he would have understood immediately.

Liz, thank you so much for that lovely quote from Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore in honor of Jack and my memories of him. The quote is beautiful and so very true, I've found. I am comforted by reading words that show other people understand the emotions of losing an intimate loved one.

I had never heard of Rabindranath Tagore before (Rabindranath Tagore - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia), so thank you for introducing me to him. I had completely missed learning of this very creative individual. Tagore's dedication to his creative spirit throughout his life is inspiring.

I read on Wikipedia that Tagore's wife and two of his children died before him. Perhaps their loss inspired the quote? I also read that he died after excruciating pain, which is sad: "A period of prolonged agony ended with Tagore's death on 7 August 1941, aged eighty." I always hope that the joy of having lived a full life isn't completely eradicated by the pain of dying. I am moved by his last poem, dictated to a friend, which reminded me of my loved one for several reasons:

“I'm lost in the middle of my birthday. I want my friends, their touch, with the earth's last love. I will take life's final offering, I will take the human's last blessing. Today my sack is empty. I have given completely whatever I had to give. In return if I receive anything—some love, some forgiveness—then I will take it with me when I step on the boat that crosses to the festival of the wordless end." ~ Rabindranath Tagore

I always feel some comfort from knowing that my loved one's boat was not empty when he crossed to "the festival of the wordless end," because my love went with him.

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VEGANGELICA

I was inspired by a MusicBanter member two years ago to write and record the following song about flirtatious friendship. I based the lyrics on the saying, "No man is an island," since really no man *is* an island...not even when his "palm tree" makes him think otherwise.

I always feel thankful toward people who cause me to think of making a song, because I enjoy the creative process so much. So, thank you, you.

"Isle"


Isle by VEGANGELICA - YouTube

Lyrics:

You surprise me by being disarming.
You charm me by saying I'm charming.
So suggestive, you're seductive as sin:
you open your arms so I'll pretend to fall in.

You're delightful, like trick candles on a cake,
always teasing me with the love we don't make.
You're so attentive, watching for an opening
as we dally together without having a fling.

No man is an island, you remind me.
We're all connected despite the bloody great sea
that divides us by the skin of a hand or the span of a mile,
yet you manage to reach me from your distant isle.

You're so kinky, sometimes it gives me a rush.
You're so descriptive, you can make me flush.
You seem so innocent and then deliciously depraved,
acting civil right after you know you've misbehaved.

You're so perverted even when you're sweet.
You tell me things that would make me blush to repeat.
You're unexpected, like free tickets to a show
and you offer them to me though you know I can't go.

Oh, no man is an island, you remind me.
We're all connected despite the bloody great sea
that divides us by the skin of a hand or the span of a mile.

No man is an island, you remind me.
We're all connected despite the bloody great sea
that divides us by the skin of a hand or the span of a mile
yet you manage to reach me and make me smile.

While away part of your day,
if you want to, leisurely with me.
Forget philosophy and just be...

surprised when I'm being disarming,
charmed when I'm trying to be charming,
shocked a bit when I'm seductive as sin
and open my arms so you'll imagine falling in.

You're like a playmate without the magazine.
You're so polite right before you act obscene.
You're like a first date...you make me want to pretend.
But most of all, under all, you feel like a friend.

You're delightful, like trick candles on a cake,
always teasing me with the love we don't make.
You're so attentive, watching for an opening
as we dally together without having a fling.

You're like a playmate without the magazine.
You're so polite right before you act obscene.
You're like a first date...I'm wondering what you'll do,
but most of all, under all, I like you.

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VEGANGELICA

Hello MB (and visitors!),

Some of you may have noticed that I have zero tolerance for verbal abuse on MusicBanter. By zero tolerance, I mean that when I observe verbally abusive comments, I usually mention it and say that I feel the behavior isn't okay.

I've decided in this post to explain one reason I confront verbal abuse so strongly. I'll do this by sharing the lyrics of a song that I wrote some time ago about my worst experiences with a significant other who had a personality disorder.

If you have ever loved someone who tends to use verbal and emotional abuse, such as a person with a personality disorder, then you have probably experienced the mixture of sadness for the individual you care about who suffers in so many ways, and awareness that you need to protect yourself by erecting strong personal boundaries. An excellent summary of emotional abuse is provided by Patricia Evans in her book The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond (an excerpt can be viewed at http://forum2.aimoo.com/narcissistic...-1-447142.html).

Protecting yourself includes stating whenever you notice the person is being emotionally abusive. Protecting yourself may mean leaving entirely, even though you know the person loves you.

I remember that when I wrote the following song lyrics, I had not yet learned enough about personality disorders to recognize them. I was simply describing how this person I loved treated me during the worst of the bad times, and how I felt when it got to the point where his confusingly cruel, tumultuous, and frightening behavior overshadowed the positives in the relationship:

* * * * *

“Won” by Erica

We disagree, you start a fight,
you say you’ll stop, then make a slight.
I can’t win with you.
I can’t win.

When I feel hurt, you put me down,
say I’m too sensitive to be around.
I can’t win with you.
I can’t win with you

telling me to tell you everything,
yet when I do you start to fling
caustic comments viciously.
You treat me so dismissively
I know I can’t win with you.
I know I can’t win.

So I will win on my own
self-respect and protect
my emotions if you won’t.
I will build on my own
self-esteem and my dreams
I’ll support when you don’t.
I will win on my own.

You mock me, a verbal choke,
then tell me I can’t take a joke.
I can’t win with you.
I can’t win.

When I refuse to play your games
where I’m the ball, you call me names.
I can’t win with you.
I can’t win with you

knowing right where to strike,
you tear down what I most like
about myself, then when I vent
you blame me for resentment.
I know I can’t win with you.
I know I can’t win.

So I will win on my own
self-respect and protect
my emotions if you won’t.
I will build on my own
self-esteem and my dreams
I’ll support when you don’t.
I will win on my own.

Denigrating those who ridicule,
you turn around and say I’m a fool,
then when I’m sad, you angrily
withhold your love from me.
I wonder where your kindness went.
I thought I was the one for you,
yet you act like I’m beneath contempt.
Trying to beat me one-on-one,
you’re losing when you think you’ve won.

I’m still in love with you
for all you are that’s wonderful.
I wish you the best, love,
but I am no fool.
I know I can’t win with you.
I know I can’t win...

so I will win on my own
self-respect and protect
my emotions if you won’t.
I will build on my own
self-esteem and my dreams
I’ll support when you don’t.

I will win on my own
self-respect and protect
my emotions if you won’t.
I will build on my own
self-esteem and my dreams
I’ll support when you don’t.

I will win on my own.

* * * * *

^ The saddest part of this relationship was to see someone I love experience the emotional turmoil that led him to strike out at me, wonderful, honest, brave, playful, compassionate, smart me!

I had to realize that I couldn't take his putdowns and negative perceptions personally (although I always did, at some level). I challenged his hurtful behaviors and perceptions that seemed incorrect to me. I tried to do this calmly and kindly, reminding myself that people often need love and patience the most when they are the most unlovable. And we aren't talking about occasional callous behavior. The cruelest comments that people make on MB look like child's play compared to those of someone with a personality disorder when you are in a relationship with that person, and he has access to all your private thoughts and emotions.

Unfortunately, the hardest step for someone with a personality disorder appears to be recognizing that she or he has one. This isn't too surprising, because I think many people in the general population aren't aware of the signs of a personality disorder, and few of us like to admit there might be something wrong with us.

Examples of personality disorders are anti-social personality disorder (Anti-Social Personality Disorder) and obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). The article called "The Right Stuff - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: A Defect of Philosophy, not Anxiety" by Dr. Steven Phillipson gives an excellent description of OCPD (OCD ONLINE - The RIGHT Stuff - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: A defect of Philosophy, not Anxiety).

The good news is that if you have a personality disorder and become self-aware, then hope exists that you can learn to temper and change your reactions. You can possibly avoid a pattern of broken relationships, lost jobs and opportunities, substance abuse, and problems with the law. An optimistic blog about living with a personality disorder is The Gift of OCPD (The Gift of OCPD), written by a young man who realized he has OCPD.

So after reading my lyrics, if you recognize that someone close to you is reacting to your behaviors in the same way I describe, please consider that you may have a personality disorder and seek help.

And if you are someone who has experienced a relationship that made you feel as awful as I did during the worst times in mine, then I recommend you visit this website for people with personality disorders and their loved ones: Out of the FOG (Out of the FOG - Personality Disorder Support). A great forum also exists for people who are dealing specifically with OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group • Index page).

I wish I had learned about personality disorders much earlier than I did, not only for my sake because that knowledge would have helped me deal more effectively with my significant other, but also for my loved one's sake.

Here is more detailed information about OCPD, for those who are interested:

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