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10-09-2009, 03:32 PM | #151 (permalink) | ||
Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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A free verse poem about a cat
Hello MB and especially those who care about cats,
First, Unfan and Nick, I wrote replies to you in my previous post. In this post I am including a poem that I wrote about the cat I knew and loved when I was younger. I wrote this poem in my early 20s for myself...that is, I never intended to share it...it was not written with an audience in mind. So, this poem shows how I think about things when I am not thinking about someone thinking about what I am thinking (heh heh...that's a lot of thinking, I know). I decided to share my poem about a cat because I learned The Unfan has cats whom he loves: Quote:
------------------------------------------------------------ "Carnivore" by Erica Speckled feline slinkily strolling through the dappled shadows along the wall of the garage, stops her snake-like progression and stares out at me with her direct curdled-orange embers aslant above her triangle nose. Silent observer of my strange motions in the garden twitches her furry tail, hidden except for the white tip in the prickly grass. She greets me with a meow and minces toward me through the weeds. Oh, little sunny face, so delicate and sharp and soft beneath my hand, if only you could recognize your beauty and see the reflection of your perfection in my eyes.
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Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 03-11-2013 at 09:28 PM. |
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10-09-2009, 04:48 PM | #152 (permalink) | ||
"Hermione-Lite"
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York.
Posts: 3,084
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I love the first and last verses of this poem. I think the imagery and vocabulary you used were absolutely beautiful. However, in the second verse, I feel the mystery of our feline is given away with words such as "furry tail" and "meow." Obviously we know what the poem is about in the first verse, but I'm not so sure about completely surrendering everything about the cat. I'm not sure if this makes sense. My favourite line? Quote:
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10-10-2009, 08:13 AM | #153 (permalink) | |
young gun funyun
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern US
Posts: 166
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"Carnivore" was very good, although I was tempted not to read it because of the name. Sigh. Actually, I personally think it's your best yet. The rhyming at the end made it that much more satisfying to read.
"Sow" is decent. Pretty close to the first etc. You've written better. Personally, I like this FFFVAL style. It frees up your mind to think. Who said you *had* to write with rules anyway? peace, -nick
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10-25-2009, 05:58 PM | #154 (permalink) | ||
Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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"LOOK OUT" song lyrics
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AwwSugar, I understand what you mean about surrendering everything about the cat! You want a sense of mystery and discovery that gets destroyed if the lyrics simply state what the topic is. Thanks for your feedback. Below is a song, "Look out," that I wrote over a month ago and have been mulling over. It is one of my strident vegan rhyming songs. I wrote it to address very bluntly the most common reason, "taste," that people (including ovo-lacto vegetarians...now may be the time for our vegan/vegetarian "fight," AwwSugar! ) seem to give for eating animal products. I tried to make the lyrics simple and straightforward with lots of repetition so that they stick in people's brains (if they manage to read the whole thing). MUSICAL RATING SYSTEM Ranking for "LOOK OUT" is BA for "blatant activism." ********************************* “LOOK OUT” by Erica (VERSE) Pop the bubble of your bubblegum ice cream. Hold the milk from your cappuccino frothing with steam. Put down your bacon burger and your buttery croissant. Think of all who suffer for what you want: the little veal calf locked alone in a stall, all the creatures you exploit, great and small. Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream. Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream. (CHORUS) Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by blindly following tradition, turning sentient beings into tasty treats though you don’t need dairy, eggs, or meats. Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by accepting others’ domination making animals into a commodity though we don’t need eggs, meat, or dairy. (VERSE) Sure, you can eat cows and hogs. Sure, you can eat cats and dogs. Sure, you can eat birds and fish. Sure, you can turn any beast into a dish. Sure, you can eat whales and dolphins. Sure, you can even eat humans. And you’d probably think they all taste good, but just because you can doesn’t mean you should! (CHORUS) So look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by blindly following tradition, turning sentient beings into tasty treats though you don’t need dairy, eggs, or meats. Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by accepting others’ domination making animals into a commodity though we don’t need eggs, meat, or dairy. (BRIDGE) Wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs. Wisdom concedes wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs. No one needs to make others bleed. (MUSICAL INTERLUDE) (VERSE) Sure, you can eat cows and hogs. Sure, you can eat turtles and frogs. Sure, you can eat fish and birds. Sure, you can eat sheep and goat herds. Sure, you can eat seals and shark fins. Sure, you can even eat humans. And you’d probably think they all taste good, but just because you can doesn’t mean you should! (CHORUS) So, look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by blindly following tradition, turning sentient beings into tasty treats though you don’t need dairy, eggs, or meats. Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by accepting others’ domination making animals into a commodity though we don’t need eggs, meat, or dairy. (VERSE) Pop the bubble of your bubblegum ice cream. Let the fish swim on in the shimmering stream. Put down the chicken legs in your shake and bake. Think of all who suffer for the choices you make: the dying poultry in cages stretching wall to wall, all the creatures you exploit, great and small. Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream. Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream! Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream. Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream! Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream. Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream! Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream! Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream! ***********************************
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Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 10-25-2009 at 06:39 PM. |
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10-25-2009, 06:30 PM | #155 (permalink) |
"Hermione-Lite"
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York.
Posts: 3,084
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I like that you rate it ahead of time.
I tried reading it. It didn't work out well. I'd rather it not be so... in your face. |
10-25-2009, 06:45 PM | #156 (permalink) | ||
Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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Shorter "LOOK OUT" lyrics
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One thing I know about activism is that anger scares people, and so it is best to reach out to people without showing anger or trying to make them feel guilty. However, I also want to express what I see and feel. What I see is people caring only about how something (who was a someone) tastes...and probably no one has ever challenged them to question the ethics of the behavior they (and all around them) accept as completely moral and good...if they think of ethics in relationship to food at all. Taking your feedback in mind, AwwSugar, I cut out part of the song to make a shorter version, so at least the unpleasure of reading it doesn't last as long! MUSICAL RATING SYSTEM Ranking for "LOOK OUT" (shorter version) is *still* BA for "blatant activism." ********************************* “LOOK OUT” (Shorter version) by Erica (VERSE) Pop the bubble of your bubblegum ice cream. Hold the milk from your cappuccino frothing with steam. Put down your bacon burger and your buttery croissant. Think of all who suffer for what you want: the little veal calf locked alone in a stall, all the creatures you exploit, great and small. Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream. Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream. (CHORUS) Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by blindly following tradition, turning sentient beings into tasty treats though you don’t need dairy, eggs, or meats. Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by accepting others’ domination making animals into a commodity though we don’t need eggs, meat, or dairy. (VERSE) Sure, you can eat cows and hogs. Sure, you can eat cats and dogs. Sure, you can eat birds and fish. Sure, you can turn any beast into a dish. Sure, you can eat whales and dolphins. Sure, you can even eat humans. And you’d probably think they all taste good, but just because you can doesn’t mean you should! (CHORUS) So look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by blindly following tradition, turning sentient beings into tasty treats though you don’t need dairy, eggs, or meats. Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done by accepting others’ domination making animals into a commodity though we don’t need eggs, meat, or dairy. (BRIDGE) Wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs. Wisdom concedes wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs. No one needs to make others bleed. (VERSE) So, pop the bubble of your bubblegum ice cream. Let the fish swim on in the shimmering stream. Put down the chicken legs in your shake and bake. Think of all who suffer for the choices you make: the dying poultry in cages stretching wall to wall, all the creatures you exploit, great and small. Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream. Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream! Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream. Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream! Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream. Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream! ***********************************
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Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 10-27-2009 at 09:28 AM. |
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10-31-2009, 02:53 AM | #157 (permalink) | |
Groupie
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 5
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Good job. |
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11-01-2009, 01:59 AM | #158 (permalink) |
"Hermione-Lite"
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York.
Posts: 3,084
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I'm still not in any way intrigued.
I love what you're writing for, so I stand for it anyway. I'm glad you removed that avatar. I guess it bothered me because I KNOW that's going on. It's the reason I don't eat meat. So I've sheltered myself into thinking I've fixed everything. |
11-01-2009, 02:50 PM | #159 (permalink) | ||
young gun funyun
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern US
Posts: 166
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btw, have you ever read 'Life of Pi' by Yann Martel?
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11-02-2009, 12:22 PM | #160 (permalink) | |||||
Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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I think I understand what you want: you gravitate toward songs that feel very free (and so don't rhyme...much, at least) and that are subtle...songs that let you, the listener, discover the meaning as you listen to the song, rather than having it be so obvious from the very start. And you like songs that inspire emotions that draw you into the song rather than push you away. So, maybe that is the reason my more personal song, "I," appealed to you a little more (?)...since it was simply describing my personal feelings/experiences rather than trying to teach a lesson and challenge (so obviously). Quote:
Interestingly, I was most concerned about the last line of the "bridge" ("No one needs to make others bleed") because it was the one I thought of refutations to, such as: vaccinating children (while not necessary, certainly very, very advisable), and eating animals when humans live in locations such as the arctic or dry, high grasslands, where opportunities for large-scale plant agriculture are unavailable. I'm glad you mentioned your issue with "wants" because I had not realized people might feel "wants" mean the same as necessities. I was actually using an "economic" definition of wants (below), but hearing your feedback will cause me to think of other options to using the word "wants." Quote:
Thanks for reading, Nick. Are you working on a new song right now? I haven't seen anything new in your collection for a while! --Erica
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