Stone Birds

You don't have to do it with each post, just a few so people can understand what kinda music style you are (and because they might like it)

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Nicktarist

There's some nice rephrasing there. I thank you for your critique--however, we threw the lyrics out. I'll get you another song to thuroughly critique....sometime...in the distant future.

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VEGANGELICA

Ah, well, win some, lose some! You are welcome, though, anyway. It was fun to think about someone else's lyrics rather than my own for a while. When you mention "we," who are part of your we, and do you work on your lyrics together? --Erica

Nicktarist

My older brother. I asked him to tag along because he adds a nice wieght to my music.

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VEGANGELICA

That's nice that you can work as a team making music. I am always impressed when people create music together, especially lyrics, since in my experience two different people can have two very different visions for where they'd like a song to go!
--Erica

Nicktarist

haven't written in a while--so I thought I should warm up a bit before I went back and rewrote some songs, and started new ones.

I was searching through some torn papers
finding old songs of sin, doubt, n' hate
running along the floor like vapours
in an effort to avoid their fate

I haven't written for a long time
though if you bottle it up inside
it will come back up spouting new rhyms
driving your pen for a quick joy ride

but there are things I should be doing
cleaning my room, or reading that book
though I'd like to indulge a little:
thanks for giving my lyrics a look

feel free to rip it to shreds.

peace out,
-nick

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Shivs

Sorry dude, but that one particular line just sounds kinda awkward to me. I dunno, man. Otherwise though, it was pretty decent!

Nicktarist

yeah, that doesn't sound right. Let's see.

What rhymes with 'ide'... Lied, fried, hide, confide, died, outside, snide

or
or
xD

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Shivs

Go with the third one! Third one! Nah, but you did fix that up pretty good man, great job.

Nicktarist

Eh, It's still terrible, but after a couple of rewrites, I think it's ready to be torn apart.

Do you sometimes feel
like the sky is kinda falling
your friends aren't really real
Crawling in the prize ring

Is there a single guide
that tells you how to move
the train off it's side
and back into the groove

Is your life like a test?
that for now you've failed
at least you can rest
while the train is derailed

You have nothing to fear
nothing to doubt
nothing to fear
nothing at all

It's just a feeling
just a feeling

peace,
-nick

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