Song with no name... (quote, Ching, Hang)

yvi_poison · 04-20-2009, 01:38 AM

Feels like graviation is changing
into this direction
Feels every seconds is changing
into this connection
with you

Wondering, wondering
If there could be something more
If I tear the walls down
between us

Changing my mind
Cant keep live like this
You make my world go vertigo
You makin me feel dizzy
You spin you spin and spin me around
When you touch me

Looking into my eyes before u turn
away to another direction
for another connection

Feels like you know that i know
You are playing all cold for the sake
Keeping me on a line
I cant follow

Yeah you do know
Yeah you do know

Changing Changing my mind
Cant keep live like this

You make my head go vertigo
You making me feel dizzy so dizzy yeah
You spin me around around spin me around
When you push me away
like now like now like now

Touching me with no thoughts
about us, us, us..
Where do u want this to end

Make me feel like this
Dizzy all vertigo
all vertigo
Changing my mind about u
changing my mind about us
Changing gravity
of us

--

No idea what to call this song.... ?

Naked · 04-21-2009, 12:32 AM

Everyone seems to love two word lines for some reason...

yvi_poison · 04-21-2009, 02:30 AM

bad then... :/

Zachary Lewis · 04-21-2009, 12:08 PM

Do you have any kind of metering or style this is to be sung in? I can read the words but can't seem to find a pulse.

Parts of the song sound like you're scared of falling for someone, and others sound like you're begging them to let you fall for them. If you'd stick with one idea and build it up more (really pound in the fact that you either can't stand being yanked around, or go the other way and focus on why you're getting all these feelings even though you know it's no good). Right now the song seems to have a few warring ideas, and if you just took one and built around it, it would work better.

Although it's not really a music thing, you may want to look at the grammar and punctuation to give the song more readability.

Stone Birds · 04-21-2009, 03:57 PM

"Gravity"

Naked · 04-22-2009, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvi_poison

bad then... :/

No, it's not bad, I wasn't really remarking on it actually.
I just don't like really short lines most of the time.

Shoe · 04-22-2009, 09:38 PM

I'm gonna agree with Zach. Real lack of structure here but I think you can improve it if you build one up. Give it a rhyme scheme or easy to find rhythm to it.

04-20-2009, 01:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
yvi_poison Groupie Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 21	Song with no name... Feels like graviation is changing into this direction Feels every seconds is changing into this connection with you Wondering, wondering If there could be something more If I tear the walls down between us Changing my mind Cant keep live like this You make my world go vertigo You makin me feel dizzy You spin you spin and spin me around When you touch me Looking into my eyes before u turn away to another direction for another connection Feels like you know that i know You are playing all cold for the sake Keeping me on a line I cant follow Yeah you do know Yeah you do know Changing Changing my mind Cant keep live like this You make my head go vertigo You making me feel dizzy so dizzy yeah You spin me around around spin me around When you push me away like now like now like now Touching me with no thoughts about us, us, us.. Where do u want this to end Make me feel like this Dizzy all vertigo all vertigo Changing my mind about u changing my mind about us Changing gravity of us -- No idea what to call this song.... ?

04-21-2009, 12:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
Naked Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 48	Everyone seems to love two word lines for some reason...

04-21-2009, 02:30 AM	#3 (permalink)
yvi_poison Groupie Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 21	bad then... :/

04-21-2009, 12:08 PM	#4 (permalink)
Zachary Lewis Groupie Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 10	Do you have any kind of metering or style this is to be sung in? I can read the words but can't seem to find a pulse. Parts of the song sound like you're scared of falling for someone, and others sound like you're begging them to let you fall for them. If you'd stick with one idea and build it up more (really pound in the fact that you either can't stand being yanked around, or go the other way and focus on why you're getting all these feelings even though you know it's no good). Right now the song seems to have a few warring ideas, and if you just took one and built around it, it would work better. Although it's not really a music thing, you may want to look at the grammar and punctuation to give the song more readability.

04-21-2009, 03:57 PM	#5 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	"Gravity"