Stone Birds' Songwriting Journal

Stone Birds · 05-17-2009, 12:02 PM

Polyphonic, did i offend you in some way?

Stone Birds · 05-17-2009, 12:27 PM

Peach Dream

Quickly and endlessly it flows
along the clouds
the trees hang wildly
they whisper wisdom

It was Free
I was free
It was happy
I was happy

My Favorite Peach dream
it killed reality
i heard the colors
and i saw the sounds

Stone Birds · 05-17-2009, 01:23 PM

Then, Ago

“Those dead flowers will come back alive”
You said so happily
In a year you’ll be gone
But I remember

The time we went to church
And hid in the back room
Playing cards
Until we got caught
You just laughed

“Let’s find Ms. Holly’s tree”
I said so randomly
We stared into dim light
And you remember

The time we sat under the sky
Drawing pictures of clouds
You said mine
looked like a dog
Yours looked like my hand

“Let’s write a song”
we said together
it was about your blue hat
And we remember
“My hat is as blue as the sky
And my hair is as blonde as the dirt
My hat flew into the tree
I stepped on the flowers
My blue hat
My green shirt
Let’s never leave here”
Then, ago

This song is really personal so if you have tips or comments keep them away from the last verse

polyphonic · 05-17-2009, 02:30 PM

I really like this one... it's simplicity gives it a down to earth feel, and it's unity keeps it all together. It had a feel good being sad effect on me...
thanx

Stone Birds · 05-17-2009, 02:32 PM

Are you talking about "Peach Dream" or "Then, Ago"?

Nicktarist · 05-17-2009, 05:25 PM

Rather nice (Then, Ago), It tells a story and it uses repetition rather cleverly. Now, you need to work on syllable count and rhyme. I use this rhyming dictionary sometimes when I write: Rhymezone.com -- The reason why this song is (in my opinion) better than the others I've seen is obviously because you had something important to say. When you write, it should be because you feel you have a story that you want people to hear -- put away the song for a week or two and then come back and sing it back to yourself once you've made all the tweeks to be had here. At that point, you'll be able to catch all the lines that you don't like or don't make sense.

Stone Birds · 05-18-2009, 07:28 AM

Thanks, man

Stone Birds · 05-18-2009, 10:02 AM

La belleza dentro de la Tierra
The beauty within the Earth

Vendrá salvarnos
It will come to save to us

sálvenos, oh nos salvan
Save us, oh save us

La luz del sol y de la luna
The light of the sun and the moon

Nos dirigirá
it will guide us

Diríjanos, oh diríjanos
Guide us, oh guide us

This song i originally wrote in Spanish, the English translations are in blue. if you notice any typos please tell me.

polyphonic · 05-18-2009, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stone Birds

Are you talking about "Peach Dream" or "Then, Ago"?

Then Ago was great dude

Stone Birds · 05-18-2009, 03:45 PM

thanks, how's your writing goin?

05-17-2009, 01:23 PM	#23 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	Then, Ago “Those dead flowers will come back alive” You said so happily In a year you’ll be gone But I remember The time we went to church And hid in the back room Playing cards Until we got caught You just laughed “Let’s find Ms. Holly’s tree” I said so randomly We stared into dim light And you remember The time we sat under the sky Drawing pictures of clouds You said mine looked like a dog Yours looked like my hand “Let’s write a song” we said together it was about your blue hat And we remember “My hat is as blue as the sky And my hair is as blonde as the dirt My hat flew into the tree I stepped on the flowers My blue hat My green shirt Let’s never leave here” Then, ago This song is really personal so if you have tips or comments keep them away from the last verse

05-17-2009, 02:30 PM	#24 (permalink)
polyphonic Trigger Happy Catalyst Join Date: May 2009 Location: Springfield, Mo. Posts: 62	I really like this one... it's simplicity gives it a down to earth feel, and it's unity keeps it all together. It had a feel good being sad effect on me... thanx __________________ How quickly I forget that this is meaningless.

05-17-2009, 02:32 PM	#25 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	Are you talking about "Peach Dream" or "Then, Ago"? __________________ Silk & Tree Records //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V soundcloud.com/stonebirds [Link removed by mod, no advertising] ... Damn those mods are always gettin ya :)

05-18-2009, 07:28 AM	#27 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	Thanks, man __________________ Silk & Tree Records //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V soundcloud.com/stonebirds [Link removed by mod, no advertising] ... Damn those mods are always gettin ya :)

05-18-2009, 10:02 AM	#28 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	Sol y Luna (Sun and Moon) La belleza dentro de la Tierra The beauty within the Earth Vendrá salvarnos It will come to save to us sálvenos, oh nos salvan Save us, oh save us La luz del sol y de la luna The light of the sun and the moon Nos dirigirá it will guide us Diríjanos, oh diríjanos Guide us, oh guide us This song i originally wrote in Spanish, the English translations are in blue. if you notice any typos please tell me. __________________ Silk & Tree Records //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V soundcloud.com/stonebirds [Link removed by mod, no advertising] ... Damn those mods are always gettin ya :)

05-17-2009, 12:02 PM	#21 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	Polyphonic, did i offend you in some way?

05-17-2009, 12:27 PM	#22 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	Peach Dream Quickly and endlessly it flows along the clouds the trees hang wildly they whisper wisdom It was Free I was free It was happy I was happy My Favorite Peach dream it killed reality i heard the colors and i saw the sounds

05-17-2009, 05:25 PM	#26 (permalink)
Nicktarist young gun funyun Join Date: May 2009 Location: Southern US Posts: 166	Rather nice (Then, Ago), It tells a story and it uses repetition rather cleverly. Now, you need to work on syllable count and rhyme. I use this rhyming dictionary sometimes when I write: Rhymezone.com -- The reason why this song is (in my opinion) better than the others I've seen is obviously because you had something important to say. When you write, it should be because you feel you have a story that you want people to hear -- put away the song for a week or two and then come back and sing it back to yourself once you've made all the tweeks to be had here. At that point, you'll be able to catch all the lines that you don't like or don't make sense.

05-18-2009, 03:45 PM	#30 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	thanks, how's your writing goin? __________________ Silk & Tree Records //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V soundcloud.com/stonebirds [Link removed by mod, no advertising] ... Damn those mods are always gettin ya :)