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05-06-2009, 07:54 AM | #12 (permalink) |
myspace.com/stonebirdies
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here
Posts: 1,401
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Petals In the Cradle
There’s a river by my bed
There’s a sun over my head The shining light Used to be Something to make me happy But now, I’m walking on this road, Though many have walked it before I’m not sure if I’m gonna make it I don’t know if I’m gonna make it Sleep with petals in the cradle And watch the sun go down The grey road is long and heartless The grey road I have to walk on I know That you know That we don’t know I know That you know That we don’t know Sleep with petals in the cradle And watch the sun go down Sleep with petals in the cradle And watch the sun And watch the sun And watch the sun go down Everyone who walked this road Before me Found a splotch of color And a light that was pretty, so pretty Sleep with petals in the cradle And watch the sun go down Main Chord = 35**xx (* is randomly included) Last edited by Stone Birds; 06-20-2009 at 10:40 AM. |
05-14-2009, 05:24 PM | #13 (permalink) |
myspace.com/stonebirdies
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here
Posts: 1,401
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Over the Hill
Save me todayThe title is kind of a cliche |
05-15-2009, 07:57 AM | #15 (permalink) |
myspace.com/stonebirdies
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here
Posts: 1,401
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Heroes (Download Included!!!)
Download "Heroes"
You can’t find them in comic books You won’t see them in any movies They aern’t in your video games They’re right here all along In the tragedies they’ll be there In the disasters they’ll be there They will save your life They are heroes just for you
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05-15-2009, 04:03 PM | #16 (permalink) |
young gun funyun
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern US
Posts: 166
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You overuse a couple of words, drown to be one of them (even though it's the chorus). At least change the word drown (in the very second line) to something like deaden or stifle.
Also, if your looking at folk, you need to tell more in the way of a story. Your words are very, very general and are lacking the basic meaning and identity that makes a good folk song (emo or not). You've got your phrase, now decide-what really led you to say such a phrase. What's the story behind it. Are you supressed in the suburbs? Are your parents gone? Did your friends betray you? (obviously bipolar issues in this case) --tell a story that involves the issue. When you get to that point, it's always good to add some symbolism. Like 'Monkies on my back' means an addiction, a 'Giant' could represent insuppressable power, a stone (or immovable object), normally represents an unbeatable obstacle, a sandcastle represents a vulnerable lifestyle. etc. etc. Your off to a great start, but it's way too vauge and at this point you haven't really said anything that really tells a story--no matter how cheesy it sounds at first, you'll be able to work it out soon. Don't worry. peace, -nick |
05-16-2009, 07:27 AM | #18 (permalink) |
Juicious Maximus III
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Scabb Island
Posts: 6,525
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Stone Birds, your threads have been merged into one.
Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name.
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Something Completely Different |
05-16-2009, 07:13 PM | #20 (permalink) |
Trigger Happy Catalyst
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Springfield, Mo.
Posts: 62
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Nicktarist: nice job on the critiquing, to the point, without being rude or degrading...Nice work.
Stone Birds: It's great to find other artists that love what they do. I'm interested to hear what emo folk sounds like???? Could be good stuff.
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How quickly I forget that this is meaningless. Last edited by polyphonic; 05-17-2009 at 02:25 PM. Reason: momentary lapse of reason |
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