Klamninja

I am writing a song for my girlfriend, and I need a bit of help coming up with lyrics.
I will let all who view listen when I am done.

Naked

Think of the things you do together, especially the little things. Start branching off from those and think of what you feel like when you do said things with her, and try and describe that feeling.
AVOID CLICHĖS.

Klamninja

I have half of my verse1, do you wanna see, please help with it.

Naked

Sure, post it.
If you want influence, I would suggest reading lyrics by Neutral Milk Hotel, Animal Collective, and Fleet Foxes for more Avant-Garde style, and bands like Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists, and Okkervil River for a more straightforward, heart on your sleeve approach.

And not to blow my own trumpet, but I just posted a love song (Flammable) here, if you want to take a look at that.

Klamninja

Thx for the tip, and here.

Alysia


When I first saw her, I knew she was the one.
Her beautyful eyes, they sparked like stars.
She never knew how much she means to me,
(last part can't get)

Naked

you've got a good idea going, here's a few suggestions-
First of, instead of saying "like the stars" you could use a metaphor- Talk about them as if they WERE stars.
Second, AVOID CLICHĖS. I can't stress that enough. I used to use them all the time when I first wrote, so don't be discouraged, but things like "Sparkled like the stars" are way overused.
Maybe think about obscure things that sparkle, or even what sparkles about her?
Open your mind, it doesn't have to make sense to ANYONE but you two, and on you're not supposed to tell the meaning on the surface.

Klamninja

What about:
- her beautyful eyes, it's like I'd seen the stars.

Naked

Good, Good! Now that's song writing!
But remember, is like necessary? If you want it there keep it, go ahead, but I'm a big big big fan of metaphors.
I don't know if you ever just look at the stars and talk with her, but if you do you could do something like:
Her eyes mingle with stars
as they sparkle and blend
together, as I lend
my words to her head

Getting the idea? It's all about personal experiences and finding powerful words and ways to express them

Klamninja

Ya ya, I see

Klamninja

I'm changing it all!