City Of The Sea (Ching, hands)

Rob-Boy · 02-19-2009, 11:47 PM

I know that the "City of the Sea" line is repeated a lot, but it kind of becomes a chant, almost chorus.

City Of The Sea

Judgement will come and wash us clean,
Just like the city of the sea.
Our eyes are lost in deep marine
Just like the city of the sea.

The sun won't shine, and birds won't sing
Just like the city of the sea.
Our words will fade, like sea to steam
Just like the city of the sea

Monuments to be sunken down,
Obscuring both their pride and crown
And soon our place will cease to be
Just like the city of the sea.

Redemption's not found in this scene
Just like the city of the sea.
We'll soon learn what "breathless" means
Just like the city of the sea.

Vicious eyes will start to gleam
Just like the city of the sea.
The waters waves can hear no scream
Just like the city of the sea.

Our hands can't reach the surface now
We've lost the throne and dropped the crown
And soon our place will cease to be
Just like the city of the sea.

Rob-Boy · 02-21-2009, 03:57 PM

Anyone?

Terrible Lizard · 02-21-2009, 04:02 PM

Pretty good. . . Poe was an inspiration I suspect?

Rob-Boy · 02-21-2009, 04:23 PM

I wish it were even that cool. I was watching a bit of stargate atlantis, which kinda made me wonder in the first place what would cause a city to just sink and vanish.

Feign · 02-21-2009, 04:56 PM

I get that it's supposed to be dark, but for some reason I keep seeing bright images in my mind.. I think it's just the words you use to rhyme aren't harsh enough. Of course there are some brightly dark poems, I've written one myself. I like, not love it, but it's definitely showing that you have a great potential. (and I understand it repeats a lot, but it almost seems like too much. But art is a matter of opinion, and something I dislike can be the reason someone loves the poem)

Monuments to be sunken down,
Obscuring both their pride and crown

(Favorite lines n_n )

Schizotypic · 02-21-2009, 09:28 PM

For sure you have potential. I really like it. I can't wait to see more of your work.

02-19-2009, 11:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
Rob-Boy Groupie Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 14	City Of The Sea I know that the "City of the Sea" line is repeated a lot, but it kind of becomes a chant, almost chorus. City Of The Sea Judgement will come and wash us clean, Just like the city of the sea. Our eyes are lost in deep marine Just like the city of the sea. The sun won't shine, and birds won't sing Just like the city of the sea. Our words will fade, like sea to steam Just like the city of the sea Monuments to be sunken down, Obscuring both their pride and crown And soon our place will cease to be Just like the city of the sea. Redemption's not found in this scene Just like the city of the sea. We'll soon learn what "breathless" means Just like the city of the sea. Vicious eyes will start to gleam Just like the city of the sea. The waters waves can hear no scream Just like the city of the sea. Our hands can't reach the surface now We've lost the throne and dropped the crown And soon our place will cease to be Just like the city of the sea. __________________ Paper Ghost

02-21-2009, 03:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
Rob-Boy Groupie Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 14	Anyone? __________________ Paper Ghost

02-21-2009, 04:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
Terrible Lizard **ER OF HOLES Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Butt**, Nebraska Posts: 1,211	Pretty good. . . Poe was an inspiration I suspect? __________________ “YOU ARE SCUM SLUT.” -John Martyn

02-21-2009, 04:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
Rob-Boy Groupie Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 14	I wish it were even that cool. I was watching a bit of stargate atlantis, which kinda made me wonder in the first place what would cause a city to just sink and vanish. __________________ Paper Ghost

02-21-2009, 04:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
Feign Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: California Posts: 66	I get that it's supposed to be dark, but for some reason I keep seeing bright images in my mind.. I think it's just the words you use to rhyme aren't harsh enough. Of course there are some brightly dark poems, I've written one myself. I like, not love it, but it's definitely showing that you have a great potential. (and I understand it repeats a lot, but it almost seems like too much. But art is a matter of opinion, and something I dislike can be the reason someone loves the poem) Monuments to be sunken down, Obscuring both their pride and crown (Favorite lines n_n )

02-21-2009, 09:28 PM	#6 (permalink)
Schizotypic Souls of Sound Sailors Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Mojave Posts: 759	For sure you have potential. I really like it. I can't wait to see more of your work.