Elvon's Songwriting Journal (lyrics, fan)

Elvon · 02-03-2009, 01:56 PM

Hello, this is my new song, and I hope you like it leave comments please and let me know what you think about it! (It's short but I didnt finish it yet) (:

I tried to stand again and tell the world that you were mine
Waited and waited so long and I.. coudnt wait from six to nine
You told me your coming, I just changed to a better person to look much better to you.. But that thing.. happened! never knew it's true!!!

When I first saw you I knew it was right, I knew it deep inside my mind and I will always stand by your side

So stay with me promise to always love you cause you make me see that the world is so much more, and when I see you smile it nothing else that matters but you- and it´s true

You´re my little angel!

I never had the chance to tell you that you're the one I love!
Never thought that it would happen, and I just saw it infront of me..
Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!!

When I first saw you I knew it was right, I knew it deep inside my mind and I will always stand by your side

So stay with me promise to always love you cause you make me see that the world is so much more, and when I see you smile it nothing else that matters but you- and it´s true

You´re my little angel!

aveneficus · 02-03-2009, 02:07 PM

I'm not normally one to come out and say that lyrics suck or are awful, but this is bad.
First of all, love songs make me sick, and the line 'you're my little angel' was an awful one to base a song on.
I cannot find a line in here that is worth mentioning. The whole thing lacks any structure or continuity and I cannot see these lyrics fitting any song.
Yuck. Thumbs down.

~~ADELE~~ · 02-03-2009, 02:12 PM

I LOVE IT!
i REALLY DO.

Shoe · 02-03-2009, 08:21 PM

Not so much a fan Elvon, I'm sorry. It sounds too much like something a sixth grade girl would write in her diary when dashing 'Johnny Sunshine' said "hello" to her that day and she's in the midst of struggling with her body's changes. I hope to god you are not a man. If you are... once again, I apologize.

"Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!!"

This little snippit made the mushy lyrics seem to turn all 'wannabe emo' all of a sudden?

Just didn't do it for me.

Elvon · 02-04-2009, 07:07 AM

aveneficus (: You might be right but.. You might be also wrong.

Shoe · 02-04-2009, 07:09 AM

Yes... but he also might be right.

Elvon · 02-04-2009, 07:11 AM

I know.. I get it guys ^^ This seriously sucks. :/ Well.. I guess i tried? :P

aveneficus · 02-04-2009, 12:05 PM

no harm in trying

~~ADELE~~ · 02-04-2009, 12:12 PM

i liked it.
plus it might sound great with music.
los palmers seven has waiter as it's only lyric but still sounds great.
Plus it may be marketed at teenagers in love.

Elvon · 02-04-2009, 01:13 PM

Mhmm, maybe you're right :/

02-03-2009, 01:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
Elvon Music Addict Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Uppsala/Sweden Posts: 62	Elvon's Songwriting Journal Hello, this is my new song, and I hope you like it leave comments please and let me know what you think about it! (It's short but I didnt finish it yet) (: I tried to stand again and tell the world that you were mine Waited and waited so long and I.. coudnt wait from six to nine You told me your coming, I just changed to a better person to look much better to you.. But that thing.. happened! never knew it's true!!! When I first saw you I knew it was right, I knew it deep inside my mind and I will always stand by your side So stay with me promise to always love you cause you make me see that the world is so much more, and when I see you smile it nothing else that matters but you- and it´s true You´re my little angel! I never had the chance to tell you that you're the one I love! Never thought that it would happen, and I just saw it infront of me.. Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!! When I first saw you I knew it was right, I knew it deep inside my mind and I will always stand by your side So stay with me promise to always love you cause you make me see that the world is so much more, and when I see you smile it nothing else that matters but you- and it´s true You´re my little angel!

02-03-2009, 02:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
aveneficus Groupie Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Cincinnati, OH Posts: 44	I'm not normally one to come out and say that lyrics suck or are awful, but this is bad. First of all, love songs make me sick, and the line 'you're my little angel' was an awful one to base a song on. I cannot find a line in here that is worth mentioning. The whole thing lacks any structure or continuity and I cannot see these lyrics fitting any song. Yuck. Thumbs down. __________________ If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts

02-04-2009, 12:05 PM	#8 (permalink)
aveneficus Groupie Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Cincinnati, OH Posts: 44	no harm in trying __________________ If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts

02-03-2009, 02:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
~~ADELE~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: London Posts: 466	I LOVE IT! i REALLY DO.

02-04-2009, 07:07 AM	#5 (permalink)
Elvon Music Addict Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Uppsala/Sweden Posts: 62	aveneficus (: You might be right but.. You might be also wrong.

02-04-2009, 07:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
Elvon Music Addict Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Uppsala/Sweden Posts: 62	I know.. I get it guys ^^ This seriously sucks. :/ Well.. I guess i tried? :P

02-04-2009, 12:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
~~ADELE~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: London Posts: 466	i liked it. plus it might sound great with music. los palmers seven has waiter as it's only lyric but still sounds great. Plus it may be marketed at teenagers in love.

02-04-2009, 01:13 PM	#10 (permalink)
Elvon Music Addict Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Uppsala/Sweden Posts: 62	Mhmm, maybe you're right :/