Elvon's Songwriting Journal
 

Hello, this is my new song, and I hope you like it leave comments please and let me know what you think about it! (It's short but I didnt finish it yet) (:


I tried to stand again and tell the world that you were mine
Waited and waited so long and I.. coudnt wait from six to nine
You told me your coming, I just changed to a better person to look much better to you.. But that thing.. happened! never knew it's true!!!


When I first saw you I knew it was right, I knew it deep inside my mind and I will always stand by your side

So stay with me promise to always love you cause you make me see that the world is so much more, and when I see you smile it nothing else that matters but you- and it´s true

You´re my little angel!


I never had the chance to tell you that you're the one I love!
Never thought that it would happen, and I just saw it infront of me..
Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!!

When I first saw you I knew it was right, I knew it deep inside my mind and I will always stand by your side

So stay with me promise to always love you cause you make me see that the world is so much more, and when I see you smile it nothing else that matters but you- and it´s true

You´re my little angel!

I'm not normally one to come out and say that lyrics suck or are awful, but this is bad.
First of all, love songs make me sick, and the line 'you're my little angel' was an awful one to base a song on.
I cannot find a line in here that is worth mentioning. The whole thing lacks any structure or continuity and I cannot see these lyrics fitting any song.
Yuck. Thumbs down.

I LOVE IT!
i REALLY DO.

Not so much a fan Elvon, I'm sorry. It sounds too much like something a sixth grade girl would write in her diary when dashing 'Johnny Sunshine' said "hello" to her that day and she's in the midst of struggling with her body's changes. I hope to god you are not a man. If you are... once again, I apologize.

"Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!!"

This little snippit made the mushy lyrics seem to turn all 'wannabe emo' all of a sudden?

Just didn't do it for me.

aveneficus (: You might be right but.. You might be also wrong.

Yes... but he also might be right.

I know.. I get it guys ^^ This seriously sucks. :/ Well.. I guess i tried? :P

no harm in trying

i liked it.
plus it might sound great with music.
los palmers seven has waiter as it's only lyric but still sounds great.
Plus it may be marketed at teenagers in love.

Mhmm, maybe you're right :/

Dude I dig it! It has great potential I think!
The whole "You're My Little Angel" bit is a bit obnoxious, I'm not going to lie.
And I must agree that the line
"Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!!"
is a bit out of place.
You need to stick to just one theme.
Do you love them indivisibly?
or
Are you in deep sorrow because they died?

I could see it with music like 3Oh!3.

Memories [New]
 

Hello! this is my new Rap song, comment please! (: And tell me what you think. I dont mind if it's bad, because it might be.


Yeah..

I was thinking about what happened when you bought me a cap
You used to come and take me only for giving me a slap
It's obvious, all those peeple hated me cuz I was a punk
Used to play with those balls just to jump for a dunk
Nobody listened to my songs when i used to sing
First songs that ive written where hated so much damn!
Used to watch TV with friends when they really never wanted to
When they are bored they used to shut me off and throw my shoe [at me]
I used to have a bad time with my parents, If i wanted to I could have run from home without letting them know but I did once, and they just went afraid and I knew that they loved me (woo!)



And I knew that nobody loves me..
All they wanted is just to give me..
Smashing my head on the tree
Dont ever remind me! I had bad memories!

Memories..
Memories..
Memories..
Memories..


Opps..

And I do remember when you got me bleeding so fast
I started talking to myself and tried to forget the past
But it didnt work, what the heck should I go and do
I tried to call her, but she isnt there why heck! [Why heck]
I went to a boy and he told me to suck, and lick
He thought im g** so I jumped and gave him a kick
I went and started crying, why do they make fun of me
After I had a step home, I started crying more
Where is that girl that used to stand here alone
They told me she's sleeping there at her incredible home
I went running so fast, dude faster than ever
But just fell down on the floor and said Ill never
Run so fast again and again, nobody cares
so why the F*** would I have a friend???

And I knew that nobody loves me..
All they wanted is just to give me..
Smashing my head on the tree
Dont ever remind me! I had bad memories!

Memories..
Memories..
Memories..
Memories..

And I knew that nobody loves me..
All they wanted is just to give me..
Smashing my head on the tree
Dont ever remind me! I had bad memories!

Memories..
Memories..
Memories..
Memories..


:band: :D

Well, how about that.
Do perhaps have the audio somewhere on the web?
I would like to hear it, because otherwise it's hard to tell the beat
to which it is rapped at.
And is the "chorus" sung or is it rapped also?
What is the mood of the song, too, I can't tell.

Who cares? Lol I just want to know if it's good or not.

if all you want to know is if it's good, i'll give you a simple answer.

no

Lol, like you can do better. (: Go home kid.

You should care. If you want to know what people think of your song don't say **** like that just doesn't matter because the mood of the song IS the song. It's what sets it apart from all other songs. With just these lyrics its hard to tell if it's good or not so you need to maybe give us a beat or sing it or just tell use the mood your trying to convey. You should care.

Um, yeah you're right.. :/

elvon, you are not very talented from what ive read so far.
and this is not good because it is just you whining about everyone hating you.
bland. boring. repititive.

Edit: And do not call me kid, you're thirteen years old.

ditto

Right.. Lol ^^

Okay so if you don't want any constructive criticism, why are you here?
And if this song isn't just about you being a self indulged emo kid, please, do tell me what it's about.

Well that's not really me in the song!

Then replace all the pronouns 'cause people aren't going to like you son.

My New Rock Song " Never Fall Down "
 

After all things that I made
I just knew I had mistakes
But you wont forgive me again
But that's all I want from you now! ..


Cuz we will! Never fall down all over again!
I swear that I never pretended to be.. Another one's Hero!... Yeah!

Cuz we will! Never fall down all over again!
I never knew that your mind isnt like I wanted it to be.. Let's never fall down again!!

I just walked by all over again
And I saw you going through the plane
Wanted to be far away from me
Dont you ever leave me alone.. Again!!

Cuz we will! Never fall down all over again!
I swear that I never pretended to be.. Another one's Hero!... Yeah!

Cuz we will! Never fall down all over again!
I never knew that your mind isnt like I wanted it to be.. Let's never fall down again!!










Comment please! Im having a Lyrics competition soon and I need to make one before the week ends. (:Tell me if it's not good so I can make another one ^^

Making New Band!
 

Hello, Id like to make a new band on Music Banter. I know it seems strange, but I'd like to get like 2 people.. Release new songs on here in lyrics. Ill need a Rock Band!

i support you fully, but jackhammer or another moderator is going to close this thread pretty soon because self-promotion and advertising aern't allowed, sorry dude, wish i could help.

I tried to find the best in the lyrics, but I couldn't find anything that would win a competition. >.> Good try, though. A for effort.

Yeah, the competition got cancelled though :P

Good. It's never good to try to rush inspiration.

Awful.
It sounds like a generic rock song if that's what you're going for.

Trauma = Snickers?

And, the lyrics are abysmal, it looks like a poor Jonas Brothers song. Was it in fact a joke?

Yeah, HiHelloheythere!

Nice to see you still knocking about buddy!

Thanks, you too.

Elvon, your threads have been merged into one.

Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html

Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name.