Lutherfish

Dude I dig it! It has great potential I think!
The whole "You're My Little Angel" bit is a bit obnoxious, I'm not going to lie.
And I must agree that the line
"Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!!"
is a bit out of place.
You need to stick to just one theme.
Do you love them indivisibly?
or
Are you in deep sorrow because they died?

I could see it with music like 3Oh!3.

Elvon

Hello! this is my new Rap song, comment please! (: And tell me what you think. I dont mind if it's bad, because it might be.


Yeah..

I was thinking about what happened when you bought me a cap
You used to come and take me only for giving me a slap
It's obvious, all those peeple hated me cuz I was a punk
Used to play with those balls just to jump for a dunk
Nobody listened to my songs when i used to sing
First songs that ive written where hated so much damn!
Used to watch TV with friends when they really never wanted to
When they are bored they used to shut me off and throw my shoe [at me]
I used to have a bad time with my parents, If i wanted to I could have run from home without letting them know but I did once, and they just went afraid and I knew that they loved me (woo!)



And I knew that nobody loves me..
All they wanted is just to give me..
Smashing my head on the tree
Dont ever remind me! I had bad memories!

Memories..
Memories..
Memories..
Memories..


Opps..

And I do remember when you got me bleeding so fast
I started talking to myself and tried to forget the past
But it didnt work, what the heck should I go and do
I tried to call her, but she isnt there why heck! [Why heck]
I went to a boy and he told me to suck, and lick
He thought im g** so I jumped and gave him a kick
I went and started crying, why do they make fun of me
After I had a step home, I started crying more
Where is that girl that used to stand here alone
They told me she's sleeping there at her incredible home
I went running so fast, dude faster than ever
But just fell down on the floor and said Ill never
Run so fast again and again, nobody cares
so why the F*** would I have a friend???

And I knew that nobody loves me..
All they wanted is just to give me..
Smashing my head on the tree
Dont ever remind me! I had bad memories!

Memories..
Memories..
Memories..
Memories..

And I knew that nobody loves me..
All they wanted is just to give me..
Smashing my head on the tree
Dont ever remind me! I had bad memories!

Memories..
Memories..
Memories..
Memories..

Lutherfish

Well, how about that.
Do perhaps have the audio somewhere on the web?
I would like to hear it, because otherwise it's hard to tell the beat
to which it is rapped at.
And is the "chorus" sung or is it rapped also?
What is the mood of the song, too, I can't tell.

__________________
stimmt

Elvon

Who cares? Lol I just want to know if it's good or not.

aveneficus

if all you want to know is if it's good, i'll give you a simple answer.

no

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Elvon

Lol, like you can do better. (: Go home kid.

Shoe

You should care. If you want to know what people think of your song don't say **** like that just doesn't matter because the mood of the song IS the song. It's what sets it apart from all other songs. With just these lyrics its hard to tell if it's good or not so you need to maybe give us a beat or sing it or just tell use the mood your trying to convey. You should care.

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Elvon

Um, yeah you're right.. :/

aveneficus

elvon, you are not very talented from what ive read so far.
and this is not good because it is just you whining about everyone hating you.
bland. boring. repititive.

Edit: And do not call me kid, you're thirteen years old.

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Lutherfish

ditto

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stimmt