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the-hippy's Songwriting Journal
Not afraid
Today I have no regrets As to how I lived my life Now I’m plunging down into a nightmare I’m not afraid The phoenix comes up beside me It offers to save me I push it aside and continue to fall As I am not afraid Fear is nothing Fear is merely a cover pulled over our eyes By our mind To stop us seeing the world that is really there Once you see what we are being protected from The fear of everything is lost Your life is lived in a way that should not be lived A world of anarchy slavery and the dead But I am still not afraid Hey look it’s a schizophrenic psycho He’s coming for me with a knife in his hand I don’t know when or how he’s going to get me I still feel no fear of this nightmare The light beams across my eyes I wake with a simple and un-frightened sigh I take a look to my side All is how it used to be familiar and clean But I feel a light breeze I look to my other side and see a world of destruction and war Today I DO have regrets as to how I lived my life Today I am afraid. thanks keep writing:band: |
songgggggg
That song was amazing. Honestly, it had so much meaning, and so much potential. It really touched my heart. It looks like you put a lot of time into that, and just think, if you didn't imagine how BEAUTIFUL it would be if you did!
Keep writing, you never know what will happen! |
Well, I wrote a song. But some may see it as a poem; view it however, f
Her hair was up in a pony-tail, her favorite dress tied in a bow. Today was Daddy's day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her Mommy tried to tell her, that she should probably stay home. Why the kids might now understand, if she went to school alone. But she was not afraid. She knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates, of why he wasn't there. But still her Mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that is why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home. But the little girl went to school, eager to tell them all, about the Dad she never sees, a Dad who never calls. You tell me, is this a Dad? |
excelent poem/song keep going you never know where it may lead:thumb:
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thankss
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Awesome lyrics! (:
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i deffinantly think that we both have potention to become great writers. !
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another song :D
i have been busy writing this song tell me what you think
Little star. Even though I’m gone I feel I’m hanging on Right were I belong You watched me come Now your watching me go One day I’ll be able to come back And see you for so ever long I’ll hold onto you I wont ever let go Even though we both know It will be time to set off once again I look at the stars They help me hang on If only I didn’t take the gamble Had to bet it all Bet it all Even though I had to go You should know Your all I think about The light is creeping in once again Its time to let go yes I know You have to live your day thinking of me But not being able to see me How was I supposed to know He had the blade of darkness Concealed within It left me with more than a scar It left me without you The stars come by you You clutch my hand tight You rest your lips on my head But I’m already looking down on you From my star high above My grip has slipped I have left you I know I was hanging on But know I’m gone This is where I belong I’m sorry that I missed your final call But one day we will meet again We will be building walls together In the land of no shadows On our own little star Free of pain and scars… |
That's absolutely amazing.
I haven't written a song lately, I wrote the one above, like 2 years ago. You really should publish them. :) |
annother quick song :D
angels
The angels hover above us As we lie on the on our backs Side by side Under the stars Those angels keep looking down on us They make sure you keep your innocence To make sure it all goes the way fate planned it The way fate planned us In the corner of my eye I see you turn To face me I glance across towards you Your eyes they lock with mine I cant pull away But I wont let it go to waste Its like I’m floating up in the darkness Your everything I need I cant pull my eyes from your beauty This is my reward You simply smile and look back at the stars of the summer You begin your hymn of love Time passes on My love for you gets greater with every word you sing The perfection in your voice The complexity of your mind its like nobody else My feelings for you are un-parallel The angels hover above us As we lie on the on our backs Side by side Under the stars Those angels keep looking down on us They make sure you keep your innocence To make sure it all goes the way fate planned it The way fate planned us You get up and walk away You look back You don’t want to forget But you know things wont work the way fate planned us The angels just cant stop what you know is right for you You know where you belong Just hanging on Even though Angels hover so The angels fall They take the hope with them The fate gets crushed under Under your life. enjoy:thumb: |
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its definatly not my best but i like it and i was curious of what other people thought |
Well there you go.
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when i was at primary school i entered a poetry competition with every school and I wrote
there was an old lady from leeds who ate a whole packet of seeds in less then an hour she became a large flower and strangled all the kids who were weeds! and it won the competition and got published in a book called rabbiting on. thing is one teacher didn't like me and she never told me about the award ceremony and because I didn't turn up they gave the prizes to the second place girl who got a stereo, vouchers and loads of toys. I found out back at school and just got a pen. The girls poem was the usual crap like the dew on the trees makes me sad like a buttercup in the sky or whatever. I hate poems that are like that. The stars sparkled like a jewel in my tears..... poems should be witty otherwise they are just someones own silly waffling trying to be profound. I liked this persons poem though. Because it has a narrative and makes use of words in a cyclical yet unrepetitive way. It also is unpretentous and shows longing and is youthfull showing love and lust and the nature of it's cyclical swirling nature verging on insanity yet been quite common. I say to the author great stuff and you can always tweak the words and make it even better. |
Adele, that was entirely irrelevant
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I write rhymes not poems.
If we take ourselves too seriously then all life is is one upmanship like big cities all full of hate and malice leading enevitably to war and oppression. I left the big city behind and I am now at peace. Believe me young people, don't be kurt cobains be happy. I am sorry Urban. I like to mock and joke and have a laugh otherwise it is just....i like radiohead......i don't like them.....i don't either.......well you are wrong I think they are good etc etc. By the way when will savanagh next be online. I'd like discuss the merits of the cultural movements in music with her!!!!!!! |
you and everything you stand for, rather--the fact that you stand for nothing, is obnoxious.
From what you're saying, your life is entirely meaningless. |
In my opinion the song sounds a little cheesy. I'm not sure what it is but it makes me kind of uncomfortable reading it. Just my opinion I guess but... yeah there you go.
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untitled song
i finished this song yesterday but i cant think of a title for it so help with that would be great
also i think it could be longer before the last verse so any help is much appriciated. You said you loved me Then you went and used me I asked you why You said I shouldn’t take it so hard Yeah well here’s the thing I may look strong on the outside But girl My heart It bleeds on the inside I didn’t see you for weeks I took a walk down the street I see you there with someone else You say it wasn’t what it seemed If it wasn’t what it seemed then what was it then I may look strong on the outside But girl My heart It bleeds on the inside you’ve made your own ending you’ve chosen how your going to live your life You took it all away Just to shove it in my face Nobody told me what to do Nobody told me where to hide What to do What to say When you shoved it in my face You took it all away My life’s a circuit Some how it always finds it’s way back round To the beginning where it all began Loving someone With my bleeding heart I catch your gaze You look away You know about me You don’t want me to say… …what love is all about My life’s a circuit Some how it always finds it’s way back round To the beginning where it all began Loving someone With my bleeding heart |
I didnt like it, but I dont know what others may say about this. ^^
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This song wasn't particularly well written, in fact in reminded me of a bad hit song
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summers here
Summers here
There’s swallows and mud-pies So I must say Summer is here Now watch me spin circles round you dear But I don’t want the sun to set Cus tomorrow morning your leaving me here Our record together is coming to an end You would rather walk away with someone I don’t know I just want to ask you to come back But I just cant think how Why do you have to go? You don’t know what your missing All this time I just wanted to kiss you but I… Your perfect do you know? I could only sing those depressing love songs But you, you could sing them all But now please can you stay with me? Cus your walking down a road I don’t know. Remember that time we went to see our favourite band We talked of our strangest dreams Where did this go? I remember talking bout sunsets with you Well this is our final sunset But I don’t want the sun to set Cus tomorrow morning your leaving me here Our record together is coming to an end You would rather walk away with someone I don’t know I’m sat in our room Looking at your fur coat and favourite boots And a note all you wrote was you’ll be gone by morning I’m having trouble handling this All I wanted to do was give you that very last kiss but I just didn’t know how Your perfect do you know? I could only sing those depressing love songs But you, you could sing them all But now please can you stay with me? Cus your walking down a road I don’t know. You know your missing out girl cus boy would I kiss you. |
Take out the last line, and it's good.
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It all seems vaguely adolescent. Maybe I'd need to hear it in context with the music. Dunno.
For now, my vote is: Scrap it. |
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My real advice is to study what you've wrote here, and improve on it. Repetition can be good, but how can you make it more subtle? Think of different ways to say simple things, something that describes their complexity more. This can also help with rhyming, which you will learn is not as important as flow. Take this verse I wrote yesterday for another song: She molded her brain from her dead mother's clay covered in ink blot stains that form pictures of what she thinks for her to display That's an example of things like rhyming mid line (Ink, think) and creating imagery. I could say the exact same thing with this line: She learned her art skills from her mother, and ever since she died it is all she's been able to do. But that wouldn't be as poetic now, would it? |
Corny love song FTW!
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help with this song?
i posted this song earlier on in the forum but i could do with some help with it...i think it has some good ideas behind it but it just looses all rythem mid-verse so all help/critisism would be appreciated...thanks
Summers Here Swallows, mud-pies This goes to show Summer is here but I’m shivering under these blue sky’s but sun, please don’t set Tomorrow she’ll be gone Our record together will come to an end You would rather walk away with someone I don’t know I just want to ask you to come back But I just cant think how Why do you have to go? You don’t know what your missing All this time I just wanted to kiss you but I… I could only sing those depressing love songs But you, you could sing them all But now please can you stay with me? Cus your walking down a road I don’t know. Remember that time we went to see your favourite band We talked of our strangest dreams Where did this go? I remember talking bout sunsets with you Well this is our final sunset But I don’t want the sun to set Cus tomorrow morning your leaving me here Our record together is coming to an end You would rather walk away with someone I don’t know I’m sat in our room Looking at your fur coat and favourite boots And a note all you wrote was you’ll be gone by morning I’m having trouble handling this All I wanted to do was give you that very last kiss but I just didn’t know how Your perfect do you know? I could only sing those depressing love songs But you, you could sing them all But now please can you stay with me? Cus your walking down a road I don’t know. |
Huh. Its great, but a few lines seem out of place. "Now watch me spin circles round you dear" doesn't really go with the rest of the song...And you could replace "But you, you could sing them all" with "you could sing anything"....also maybe add some about how the weather is warm, but you feel cold and awful because shes leaving?
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thanks for the tips i think it flows alot better now
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I dunno...
This doesn't really seem like much more than a person verbalizing their thoughts during a boring movie. |
if you want me to, new song
i wrote this song about this girl i met a few weeks ago...enjoy!
If you want me to If you believe the way we are is the way we are meant to be Then come to me and see where this road may lead Cuz I could love you, I would love you, I will love you… But only if you want me to. I’ve only heard rumours ’bout you.. But hey, my pockets are already full with my gifts for you They say you like guys like me…already I feel I know you right through I want to come see you, but its ok if you don’t want me to I’m always thinking about you, I’ve been awake all day wondering what it would be like if we were dating I would follow you round the world ‘bout a million times Cuz I cant get you out of my mind, but only if you want to (but only if you want me to, cant get you out of my mind) I know you through fate My life has been awakened by my love for you This feels like a brand new slate You and I, we should go out tonight Cuz I feel like you, lost in the moment, need a clue? The worlds so big, its not easy to choose who is right But sometimes it just clicks and you can see just who… I know you through fate My life has been awakened by my love for you This feels like a brand new slate You and I, we should go out tonight Cuz I feel like you, lost in the moment, need a clue? The worlds so big, its not easy to choose who is right But sometimes it just clicks and you can see just who… And my who…is you. We could run away leave this world behind See the stars, watch the moon-shine - on your face, by my side There’s something changing inside me, and I bet its changing inside you too I love you, I love you, I love you but only if you want me to I know I drove into your life so quickly but I don’t mind but I need a minute to think what to do next I keep thinking bout you I’ve dreamin’ bout you but I still cant keep my mind off you I keep waiting on you, I keep talking bout you. I just cant keep you out of my mind, cant keep you out of my mind (out of my mind, out of my mind) I know you through fate My life has been awakened by my love for you This feels like a brand new slate You and I, we should go out tonight Cuz I feel like you, lost in the moment, need a clue? The worlds so big, its not easy to choose who is right But sometimes it just clicks and you can see just who… I know you through fate My life has been awakened by my love for you This feels like a brand new slate You and I, we should go out tonight Cuz I feel like you, lost in the moment, need a clue? The worlds so big, its not easy to choose who is right But sometimes it just clicks and you can see just who… And my who…is you. Hey look at me, I’m the guy who’s jumpin’ off the walls for you Most guys think I’m mad to be doing this for some girl I don’t even know But I know they just wanna be where I am But I wont be here if you don’t want me to |
My most important note to you is to keep it simple. Your adding more words than are necessarily needed. Change some simple phrases into one word (it could be simple or complex). I would also recommend you change the audience from your girl to the audience. Always keep in mind that the Audience is the one your singing to and you should only narrow it if you are really desperate for this girl and you need the audience to hear it. Otherwise, you should keep it purely story-telling.
I would also try some rhyming techniques like Internal Rhyming (I'm the Man Who Loves You- Wilco), Assonance (Tenuousness- Andrew Bird), Consonance (Let it Be- The Beatles) and consider using some more allusions (Jon Foreman's songs are littered with em') Another recommendation is that you should use a specific pattern. Like in Iron & Wine's "Upward Over the Mountain", he starts off with 'mother' in every line of the verse. Greatfully, you've got a base, now start ironing it out. Here's a link that helped me alot first time: folksong.org.nz/composing. (I can't post links yet :( ) It starts off slow, but it should help you out allot. peace, -nick |
Sounds like you're stalking her.
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Two threads about the same song merged.
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I like it as a pop song, kind of like beach boys western pop or fleet foxes.
Yah, it does. What's the meaning? |
hippy, your threads have been merged into one.
Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name. |
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