Lyrics
 

Oright guys, it may not be the best you have seen; but I have only just started writting; so I thought about doing something and gerrin feed back to up my skill and find out where am going wrong.

If I have broken the rules; which I do not recal I have; please let me know it aint intentionally; I am new to the forum lol.

but please if ya'll gonna give me feed back please be honest and give me the truth; I don't want no preadujist opinions so please just be honest.

I hope this is the corect place lol if not I appologies; cuz I thought it was.

START


(Verse 1)

(spoke)
Oright look, I have a lot of ****ing **** on my chest;
a lot of ****ed up ****.
(/spoke)

RIGHT, EVERYONE, ****ING LISTEN UP!!
This is where I start, my heart is broken apart; tore apart
almost ready to depart, I have just about reached my
mother ****ing boiling point, am full with hate
for this rap am about to create; wait
WHAT THE ****! I can't relate, my life is like a broken plate
yo, if this is my fate tell god to **** HIS DATE
am at the point of sayin **** relagion, **** THE WORLD,
**** the whole prospect of livin
**** ya'll if you doubt me; you know **** all about me
holy or unholy
only have one homie
mother ****ers DO IT; blow me, slowly
its not my fault your lonely
but am the one and only
for this rerun has just begun
RIGHT NOW AM PISSED
hope I wasn't too badly missed
my nans like a snake; shes fake, n just hissed
I don't mean to resist, but I do insist
I do not require your assist
just sit back nan while you get dissed
you just got hit by six bricks
and flying kicks by t-t-t-two chicks
combined with jamie your just a bunch of ****s
mother ****ing pricks.

(hook)
Aggression, Depression, Descretion
and you think the worlds in recesion?
like the ocien am in motion
I don't need all the ****ing commotion
Jamie, craze me, Your ****ING crazy
You and nan about to be dissed o-oops a daisy
(/hook)

(chorus)
Now a-after all I been through
and still I can't have decent brew
C'mon jamie get your baby crew
but you will end up like docter who
in a possition you can't get out of boo whoo
ya know what; jamie, nan; SCREW YOU!!!
(/chorus)

(Verse 2)

I am so sick of you and your slander
jamie, your as straight as a meander
and nan. you sing as bad as alaxender
now I know, I aint as good as a professional rapper
but nan, your just a mother ****ing slapper
JUST DIE BITCH DIE!!!! as for you and jamie
I know you both a bunch of bitches
but start with me again I will give you more than stitches
nan, yo, a bitch; how can you survive
its time for me to arrive, alive
your still a bitch who would strive for an arguement
souly to fulfil your thrive
BITCH! get back to watching channel five, live
just like a japanese, your hard to please
but all you will ever be, is a ****ed up bicth gone stale;
stale like bread, I wish you was dead
your that ****ed up from ale, your pail
if an earthquake inahailed you, it would go right of the rictor scale
just like the royal mail
yo a bitch that frails
makes every one else fail
but WATCH ME!!! I will provail
again and again am sick of tryin' to attain and explain
I can no longer sustain or maintain the pain I contain
so instead I remain to grow stronger for longer
if I had a sniper, I would snipe her
and then ask her;
"Did your hope you got from the pope save you from my sniper scope"
blaintly you can't cope, thats why your stuck smoking dope
aiiyo, a tip for you nan, next time you get a bath
try using some soap, cuz compared to me your an isotope
mother****ing elope, now this is where I express on how you treat me
cuz it aint all so sweatly, so go ahead beat me
your worse than the press, your just a pest
like the rest, you put me to the test
but just take into acount am the best
BITCH; favor jamie, like a flavour baby
but jamie is flavoured as ****
cuz he so far up your ass hole
you can't even spot him on radar
why do I bother with the hassle
compared to me, your a flat am a castle
Jamie is a twat, he should be on parole
under patrol because he is in-controll
like when the coal fell on the mole
your just a **** on the dole

(hook)

(chorus)

(Verse 3)

"Do this", "Do that", "Do this", "Do the other"
WHAT THE **** BITCH!!, who the hell do you think you are?
then its, "your off to bed at midnight" Midnight strikes
then its "your taking the piss" this is why I sit
and write this diss; now BITCH! how the **** can I win
your just a deadly sin, I will physically shread your skin
your cold like ice, am gold, your sold, I told cuz am a stronghold
you think your all high and mighty, your just a bitch in a nighty
no wounder you aint got no one
tell me how so fun?
am just a rapper trying to entertain
but BITCH you drive me insane
Sedate me, conjugate me, descriminate me
but BTCH you will never make me or break me
so go ahead debate me, await me
cuz I will just as easily disintegrate you
If you attack me, I will whack you
you will be put back into a shack
left to turn from white to black
you just slack, but as long as I breathe
I will keep up the fight, with all my might
I will stand in the light fairly bright
like jack and jill, you fell down the hill
but remember am the one with the skill
and I want think twice without the intention to kill
still you you have me running around like a slave
eventully I will laugh at your grave; WAIT.
lemmi think, you get over 250 pounds a week
and still refuse to buy the propper shoppin
yet you still threat me, next time you threaten me
DO IT, don't say it, go on keep smoking weed
your a bitch in-deed, you in-need, your heart is full of gread
your an evil deed, so DROP IT, CROP IT, or I will STOP IT
your a clown with no renown
you think your the queen wearing a crown
sorry, your not, you live in a scratty town
but BITCH YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!!!!!!!
just like my mother ****ing dad,
you take almost every penny I own
**** IT!!!!, I will make it on my own
give it everything I own
but BITCH, this aint a place I would call home!

(hook)

(chorus) * 2

END

Sorry, but this is just one long cliche.

he he; you aint even read it dude.

You asked for feedback. I gave you feedback.

Spell checker is your friend.

looks like someone is pretty pissed lol.... try to learn how to flow to a beat and try it again

Sounds like one long Eminem ripoff.

wow... just a bunch of swearing and hating...

dont be preadujisted :(

Sorry brah.

nice song.. keep it up....
hehe write more songs... kk??

IMHO- nice try...but

1) too angry.

2) too cliché.

3) too contrived.


Solution:

Try to examine the reasons behind the strong emotions instead of concentrating on a style that might not be your true voice...unless you simply want to do do something that has been done before. Also, I will concede that maybe we need to hear this on a track to "get it"

Waste of time? :P Lol

I think it's good, maybe too much for one song?

spread it out into like, four songs, get a decent beat, couple of guitarists and maybe some anti depressants?

Yeahhh.........**** this.

You just need your ass beat by your mom some more.

I have to agree. But to be fair, garbage like this is pretty common in rap. *Sits and waits for the hate mail*

Exactly my thoughts.

If i'm deciphering the "*****"'s correctly, then the first is fucking and the second is shit and if you look at this whole rap from the perspective of someone who's been an unwilling member of a scat video it's pretty alright.

swearing gets you nowhere; ease off on language. when half your words are bleeped no one even cares about flow they just sit there and wonder what ur even talking about

Well, i suppose you call yourself trend killer for a reason. but i have to agree that rap generally, GENERALLY, DOES suck.

wow. why don't you call it "Rhyming couplets In Menopause"?

It's overly emotional, and it's got no flow.

I don't know who jamie is, but I think it's time to let go.
It's probably mostly your fault anyway, and I didn't even read the whole song.

lol. You quoted the wrong person. And, I get the name "Trendkiller" from a certain Pantera album. You do the math.

Fixed

I think when reviewing this, you have to remember that most people who write aren't writing about themselves- they like to create characters. While songwriting is more often than not autobiographical, I highly doubt this is.
That said, I really dislike some of the language. Just not my style. It also seems to not have very much of a flow. But that's kinda hard to tell over the 'net.
>_> not a good line. Not at all.

I think that the last bit is the best, but still. You'd better have one nice beat to put this too, or else it's just not going to be very good.

I hope this is supposed to be rap. Because although we might not appreciate it, I know that rap fans would. Maybe you should split some stuff into different songs, just to shorten it up.