Review My Catchy Pop/Acoustic/Indie Song?
 

Its untitled at the moment but heres the song i'd like you guys to take a look at and review if possible!

do you have a recording? the lyrics are pretty good, sorta short tho

Unfortunately i dont have a recording yet as recording studios up here in maine are pretty expensive and i have no money

the closest time i can get to a recording studio would probably be like in 3 or 4 months time =/

I don't think you could get more cliché if you tried.

haha it may be a bit cliche

but songs like these sell to record labels and managers when searching =]

Sell your HEART and SOUL while your at it MAN. :(

Another tip, if you actually contribute to the forum a little and THEN ask for people to give feedback...then it may go a bit better.

better than working as a phone monkey in a call center. good luck. maybe slap in a cover of some sappy 60s tune

lol thanks :]

My career is actually The US Army right now

But im working on my music while im in the army so i have a better chance of finding a manager when i get out and move to los angeles to pursue music/acting.

I havent gone to basic yet, ans i dont go until june when i graduate high school haha

But thanks for the input everyone

And i will contribute more on the forum before posting something else like this ok

By the way, i have a myspace up of my solo career so far

Its myspace.com/poolofradiance

I have 2 demos up now

So yeh :]

Lower and lower expectations every year. Christ.

Personally I think its the army's fault. They start recruiting younger and younger every year. Not to mention change there tactics to get people in constantly. (not just the army but thats the only one my family has had experience with)

you do know 'pool of radiance' is an old school d&d computer game right?

yep...cliched and I was bored by it.

WAY TO GO WITH THE CROWD!

:(

haha so did you like it?

And its not as cliched as everyone seems to think.

And wait why is the army lowering their expectations since im still in high school?

You've always been allowed to join at 17 with parental permission...they just put you in the DEP.

I feel as though me joining the army to help people like you is going to boost my work experience far past that which you get in the real world

Plus i get to travel, work with computers which i love, learn almost every language in the world

If you think they're lowering their expectations then you're wrong.

I may be 17, but i can almost guarantee im more respectful, responsible, and mature then those who are saying they've lowered their expectations.

Me being 17 should have nothing to do with me being in the army.

It happens, it has been happening for years, nothing new there.

So dont bash the army or me in that case just because you feel the need to.

Im doing something with my life, which if you're bashing someone on a forum i highly doubt you did.

Evidently.

even though it might be majority, it is honesty...sorry that I agree with what someone else says...it's the truth.

...

haha:yeah:

So do you like my song too? :D

I don't know if you're being stupid or cute. But it's not cute and you're coming across real stupid.

chiillll

Who were you talking to wifey?

Me or yoboe?

Cause i wasnt meaning you when i said that whole thing about not having a life, because you said nothing rude to me

Why is your goal to make something cliched? This might have been a filler song 40 years ago...but now...

lol @ vocals on myspace page.
Who makes music because they believe in it? As a fellow musician I can honestly say that there is a thing known as business. Perhaps you should study it. Rumor has it that if you're good at making music with no soul that you can be cool and get mad bitches.

I hate people.

lol yes i realize my vocals arent sounding so good on the myspace page...But thats why they're called ROUGH DEMOS

They're not studio recorded, not even recorded professionally

And they're unmixed and unmastered so they sound crappy compared to a mixed/mastered version i could do eventually.

Anyways i make music because i believe in it, just because i wrote one cliche song doesnt mean my other ones dont have meaning.

I've written songs about war, the election, suicide prevention, domestic abuse, love gone awry and much more

So my songs have much heart poured into them

So please dont think im some ass just looking to make a quick buck somehow

Oh, why would anyone think that?

gotta say i love the irony of seeing lyrics to a song that would have totally fit as some hippie love song in the 60s being slammed because it goes against some BS hippie ideal about integrity being directly proportionate to the individual's disdain for the established mainstream.

So are you on my side where this whole thing is concerned?

Cause i feel my song is very well written and could sell even today if it had a good enough beat to it.

there is also a thing known as respect...
unless ur being sarcastic then its cool lol

and mike, your song is good, people just think the lyrics are "old" an cliche. i guess you could add/change some words to make it different from every other song. use some dissonant words, alliterations and rhetoric like that. but whether people like your song is different from if they like the lyrics. if the song is catchey and shows your musical talent people will still like it

Well at least someone here is being nice and describing it in a way that doesnt piss me off :] haha

Thanks yoboe

I understand what you're saying

I wish people would have said that to begin with though so this whole almost war type thing wouldnt have started haha

I wrote the song as i was listening to another artist and based my song off his song

So it is kind of cliche which i realize

But i dont think ill change the lyrics because i have the perfect beat in my head for the song and the lyrics i wrote

And if i change the lyrics the beat wont match

But thanks yoboe :]

If you hear a load of comments saying that your lyrics should be changed then usually following that advice is a good idea as opposed to jus listening to it and not taking any action. But it's your song I guess....

when i write a song that i think sucks i usually just forget about it, i dont even try to fix it.
but watever works for u is good. make a rough file and post it so we can listen :D

why does it matter?

all i was saying is that i found it funny that your song was getting slammed based on ideals established by people who would have written something similar back in their day. or at least it's the impression i get from the lyrics without knowing the music.

as for the samples on myspace my only comment is less words more breathing.

lol true it doesnt matter

i was pissed from the other comments when i wrote that

And it is funny i think, but whatever =]

And thanks for the advice

Im going to be re recording everything with professional quality mics, programs and studio type stuff in june or july, so ill post here more when i get new stuff up

First off, if you're gunna ask people for their opinion be open to what they have to say and don't defend your point of view. That only defeats the purpose of you asking for advice.
If you really want helpful advice on your lyrics I can tell you they're not deep enough. these are words ANYONE could write. And no. It's not what the industry is looking for. What you want to do is try to present a situation in a way that is new and fresh to your audience.
You have the format (of verse, chorus and so forth) down, So how about trying some alliteration? maybe metaphors? Try to paint a picture in people's heads of how you feel and make them feel the same. You say you're into Acting? make it Dramatic.
And if you want to make it about the catchy beat and the awesome music, make it about the catchy beat and the awesome music. In that sense lyrics have little to do with the song. In a show words or lyrical content is only 15% of what your audience pays attention to.
I think It's kindda cool that you're an army guy with taste for music. keep at it and see what you can come up with! ;) Best of luck!!