inthepink

First off, if you're gunna ask people for their opinion be open to what they have to say and don't defend your point of view. That only defeats the purpose of you asking for advice.
If you really want helpful advice on your lyrics I can tell you they're not deep enough. these are words ANYONE could write. And no. It's not what the industry is looking for. What you want to do is try to present a situation in a way that is new and fresh to your audience.
You have the format (of verse, chorus and so forth) down, So how about trying some alliteration? maybe metaphors? Try to paint a picture in people's heads of how you feel and make them feel the same. You say you're into Acting? make it Dramatic.
And if you want to make it about the catchy beat and the awesome music, make it about the catchy beat and the awesome music. In that sense lyrics have little to do with the song. In a show words or lyrical content is only 15% of what your audience pays attention to.
I think It's kindda cool that you're an army guy with taste for music. keep at it and see what you can come up with! Best of luck!!

Wifey Boozer

Sell your HEART and SOUL while your at it MAN.

__________________


... Stalin had a FANTASTIC moustache.

Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain.

[backintheubbr]

Wifey Boozer

Evidently.

__________________


... Stalin had a FANTASTIC moustache.

Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain.

[backintheubbr]

yoboe

haha

Mike Smith

So do you like my song too?

Dr_Rez

Another tip, if you actually contribute to the forum a little and THEN ask for people to give feedback...then it may go a bit better.

__________________
*Best chance of losing virginity is in prison crew*
*Always Checks Credentials Crew*
*nba > nfl crew*
*Shave one of my legs to pretend its a girl in my bed crew*

Frozen Angel

yep...cliched and I was bored by it.

Wifey Boozer

WAY TO GO WITH THE CROWD!

__________________


... Stalin had a FANTASTIC moustache.

Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain.

[backintheubbr]

Mike Smith

haha so did you like it?

And its not as cliched as everyone seems to think.

And wait why is the army lowering their expectations since im still in high school?

You've always been allowed to join at 17 with parental permission...they just put you in the DEP.

I feel as though me joining the army to help people like you is going to boost my work experience far past that which you get in the real world

Plus i get to travel, work with computers which i love, learn almost every language in the world

If you think they're lowering their expectations then you're wrong.

I may be 17, but i can almost guarantee im more respectful, responsible, and mature then those who are saying they've lowered their expectations.

Me being 17 should have nothing to do with me being in the army.

It happens, it has been happening for years, nothing new there.

So dont bash the army or me in that case just because you feel the need to.

Im doing something with my life, which if you're bashing someone on a forum i highly doubt you did.

Frozen Angel

even though it might be majority, it is honesty...sorry that I agree with what someone else says...it's the truth.