I've got to leave (lyrics, instrumental, Hang)

clockworkmice · 12-26-2008, 02:10 PM

These are some lyrics I wrote after being inspired by knockin' on heaven's door.

Can’t seem to stay I’ve got to go,
My shirt is stained, torn all up there
I tried to go against the flow,
It was a chance I thought I’d dare.

I feel cold I’ve got to go,
Got to step on that shining stair,
There’s no more pain I’ll ever know.
Though it may seem like it’s unfair.

Got to go I can’t stay here,
I’ll be happy don’t you fear,
Leave me here in the dirt,
After this I can’t get hurt,

[instrumental]

Oooooo, I’ve got to go [fade out]

Do you think I need to expand it? I'm also wondering if the lack of chorus is any problem....

I'd appreciate any replies you have.

deep_and_depressing · 12-30-2008, 04:25 PM

It's really good. You're rhyming pattern changes which messes with the flow a little though. Other than that I envy your work.

Arya Stark · 01-12-2009, 09:18 PM

I feel like a chorus adds a familiarity to it.

But it's unique without one.

12-26-2008, 02:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
clockworkmice Groupie Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 27	I've got to leave These are some lyrics I wrote after being inspired by knockin' on heaven's door. Can’t seem to stay I’ve got to go, My shirt is stained, torn all up there I tried to go against the flow, It was a chance I thought I’d dare. I feel cold I’ve got to go, Got to step on that shining stair, There’s no more pain I’ll ever know. Though it may seem like it’s unfair. Got to go I can’t stay here, I’ll be happy don’t you fear, Leave me here in the dirt, After this I can’t get hurt, [instrumental] Oooooo, I’ve got to go [fade out] Do you think I need to expand it? I'm also wondering if the lack of chorus is any problem.... I'd appreciate any replies you have. Last edited by clockworkmice; 12-26-2008 at 04:01 PM.

12-30-2008, 04:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
deep_and_depressing Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 73	It's really good. You're rhyming pattern changes which messes with the flow a little though. Other than that I envy your work. __________________ My life was like a fairytale . . . Except I left Mr. Charming for his sister Last edited by deep_and_depressing; 01-02-2009 at 02:20 PM.

01-12-2009, 09:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
Arya Stark "Hermione-Lite" Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: New York. Posts: 3,084	I feel like a chorus adds a familiarity to it. But it's unique without one.