Decay

Frozen Angel · 01-20-2009, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aveneficus

I liked this a lot.
I have only one suggestion:
In the last line of the third stanza, possibly changing the word 'like' to 'as'.
It keeps the same meaning, but I feel like it flows a bit better.
Just a suggestion, good work.

agreed...like to as.

PerfectRandomness · 01-24-2009, 06:50 PM

i like this structure and the rhyming works well. it does seem a bit short though. i think a fourth and maybe fifth stanza could finish it up pretty well.

01-24-2009, 06:50 PM	#12 (permalink)
PerfectRandomness Groupie Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 14	i like this structure and the rhyming works well. it does seem a bit short though. i think a fourth and maybe fifth stanza could finish it up pretty well. __________________ I unlit the light to embrace the dark To be near but not to turn into you my darling Forever we're lost in our souls' storm Reflections of each other's faults