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10-18-2008, 12:46 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast (U.S.A)
Posts: 3
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Sample of my writing...
Hmm, I'm new, and I've been writing songs and poems for awhile now, but I really haven't shown them to many people, and those who I have shown them to don't know much about writing, so I'd like some opinions from people here...
Here's a sample of my writing (a song): Untitled (I have a habit of not titling things) I am the one, the only one And I can't handle what you've done You've made me want to run away From everything I love. You make me want to dissipate To fade into the classic state Of realizing that I Will never understand... Why oh why you raise your hand When you could just speak up And say what's on your mind Maybe you're unkind, maybe you're confined... Confined to thinking in the box Not reaching out to see the clock Is already past twelve, And its too late to dwell... On the past or on the future Because we don't do know what to do here And maybe we're all ****ed, Because that's just who we are. And I'm the one, the only one And I still can't handle what you've done You made me want to run away From everything I love (everything I love). And now you are the enemy The classic foe who cannot see That what they've done is wrong, That what they've done, it hurts. And I just wish I could get past All of this because it has, Has to hurt us both And no one's in control (No, I'm not in control). And I'm the one, the only one Who cannot handle what you've done You made me want to run away From everything I love (And you can't be forgiven). Tell me what you think. If you think its great, let me know, if you think it sucks, let me know. But please, don't just say that it sucks, critique it or give me some advice. I'd love to improve my writing, and I'm sure I could do so with suggestions from you guys.
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We've all made petty fortunes but we can't afford a life Confined to pull-out quotes and hotel rooms They all scream California and it's toppling empire But cant you see the end is coming soon |
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