Surell's Rapwriting Journal (rock, review, track)

Surell · 09-17-2008, 07:07 PM

I don't like the first half kinda thing, but I feel like it's good enough to put up. (also, I put "major flow" in a line which reminds me of periods and that's icky :[). I feel like it's kinda generic too. Anyway, here it is, opinions are welcome and wanted:

I’m a bad man
I’m always around when the **** hits the fan
My domination is a worldwide span
I don’t think I can, I know I can
What can I do?
Everything better than you
Can’t touch this dude
I’ll eat you up like food
You’re not even a challenge
You’ll get ripped up with the talons
You know it’s profound when
You get hit with the rhymes from the master
Like a rabbit but faster
Louder than any ghetto blaster
But I can back my **** up, I doubt your skill
It’s weaker than the shell of a pill
My rhymes kill
Kinda like an acid spill
Don’t try to stop it, just stand still
Sit back and chill and let your head get filled
Enough of this ill ****
Even though I only do ill spit
Then I toss your **** in the lion’s pit
Let it get ripped
While I sit back and enjoy the show
If there were a rap army I’d be Major Flow
You’d be Captain So-So
And I’d still get dough
Away I stow
Into the heart of the streets
Stayin awake to the ways of the world, ‘cause **** is deep
Deep as in six feet
I don’t even wanna hear you speak
Unless spoken to, but maybe not even then
Get used to fear, make it your friend
Because rough times are comin around the bend
It’ll hit you so hard it’ll break your glass chin
And it’ll make you spin, like the earth
I don’t know if you know but I’ve been mad since birth
I mean crazy, not in the sense of irked
I wanna fly out of here like a bird
This world is quite absurd
Sometimes I find it’s not worth dirt
I’ve gone quite off topic with this rap, have I not?
But I think it’s immature to talk about my knot
Or how I’m gonna get that number one spot
Why do I always go against what I was taught?
It’s just a thought, though
Greasy like an afro
My songs get mixed up like an ADD Maestro’s
I think we should end on a good note
Let’s not rock the boat
I want to keep it afloat
I don’t wanna build a wall or a mote
It’s how the greatest have been lost
And I want to be one of the greatest that don’t get lost
And I’d like to be flossed out
Not grimy or mossed out
But it’s just a dream for me, I guess
Feelin like a mess, and I’ve never smoked the sess
It drives mother****ers into a pool of cess
So I think I’ll put an end to this track
But not by telling you I’m the ****in mac
Or even that your girl is gonna get smacked
I just wanna tell you that I’m praying for peace
Because I can’t handle any more hate in the streets.

AnyColourYouLike · 09-18-2008, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Surell

I’ve gone quite off topic with this rap, have I not?
But I think it’s immature to talk about my knot
Or how I’m gonna get that number one spot
Why do I always go against what I was taught?

I don't really like that part....

But other than that I thought it was pretty f*cking baller.

Surell · 09-18-2008, 09:28 PM

That was probably my favorite part of the song, at least, I like how it turned from there. But thanks, I'm a little unsure about this song, but I really kinda wrote it off the head.

Fruitonica · 09-20-2008, 02:32 AM

Quote:

I don’t even wanna hear you speak
Unless spoken to, but maybe not even then

hahaha.

It's pretty good to just write off the top of your head.

Surell · 09-22-2008, 08:55 PM

Thank you good sir, I did kinda write what popped in mah thinker, except for maybe a couple of instances.

FaSho · 09-23-2008, 05:03 PM

****ing ace man better than a lot of the **** on the radio

15Steps · 09-23-2008, 10:37 PM

meh

Wifey Boozer · 09-24-2008, 04:40 PM

I've looked at this for like 5 days trying to figure out what to say... well. It's got attitude. Attitude is good. Rhymes are decent. Flow is all right, could be better in parts, like where you talk about going off topic. On the whole, 7/10

Surell · 09-24-2008, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 15Steps

meh

Your opinion was the only one I cared about. ;_;

Booze: Thanks, and yeah, I thought the flow was a little messy in some spots, probably the main thing I didn't like about it. But thanks for the rating and criticism, helps me out a good bit.

Hey, pimp smilies.

I might have more stuff up later, I dunno.

Wifey Boozer · 09-25-2008, 03:05 PM

No problem. Now be a sport and review some of mine :p haha.

09-23-2008, 10:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
15Steps The Passenger Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Bucketheadland Posts: 583	meh __________________

09-24-2008, 04:40 PM	#8 (permalink)
Wifey Boozer Meanie McFeany Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Troy side'ah the dirt, NY Posts: 455	I've looked at this for like 5 days trying to figure out what to say... well. It's got attitude. Attitude is good. Rhymes are decent. Flow is all right, could be better in parts, like where you talk about going off topic. On the whole, 7/10 __________________ ... Stalin had a *FANTASTIC* moustache. Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain. [backintheubbr]

09-25-2008, 03:05 PM	#10 (permalink)
Wifey Boozer Meanie McFeany Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Troy side'ah the dirt, NY Posts: 455	No problem. Now be a sport and review some of mine :p haha. __________________ ... Stalin had a *FANTASTIC* moustache. Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain. [backintheubbr]