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08-22-2008, 10:14 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2
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Feedback on LYRICS
Hey guys so i am not a professional writer at all but here are some of my old writings, basically unedited, some were fashioned to be poems, some lyrics, and others just writings of whatever kind. I would like advice or comments on my material, and i want to know honestly what you guys think...
I think some criticism is key to becoming a better writer... : ) (sorry for no titles but like i said this is not organized) ----- As time passes me by everyday Fleeting moments of contempt fly away Never able to hold on to the memories It’s all crumbling in front of me I fall down, but I rise up And some days I feel like giving up On love, on you, on me Im moving fast but staying in place Who is going to save me from the haste Why do I dwell on the past Trying so hard to make it last I fall again, and there’s no getting up There is no savior, with the answer What is this feeling? What am I after? Troubles fill my mind to the break I see my life as an empty glass Abandoned high on a shelf Collecting promises Wanting to be filled with truth But all I can see are my own eyes Reflecting back my battered soul A failure sits in front of me Faltering away to darker days I fall down, but I rise up And some days I feel like giving up On love, on you, on me Traveling fast, but stuck in place I wait for your call everyday Disappointment no longer fazes me Those fleeting memories are all I have Kissing the pain away That smile that cannot be replaced Every time I saw your face Id fall down And you would help me rise And today im giving up On love, on you, on me ---- Whose reflection is starring back at me? I don’t recognize it as me What change caused this hole? All that stands is a former soul Selling yourself just to get by Lingering the streets at night Hoping to awake in a dream On your knees in a bathroom stall He’s not your savior tonight Knight in business amour Calls your name He moans out his love for you And calls you sweet names He loves your pretty lips That wrap around his felt-tip pen (not finished) ---- Beautiful girl you once used to be Where she is, it's a mystery Face so pure and sweet The boys had no chance to even keep ‘But now they are talking Dirty minds Finding the time to reticule Intoxication of the emotional state There are wounds bursting to break Falling out of the way She takes the wrong path Find the place, to feel so sweet Fake smiles in a broken girl Southern Comfort consumes her world Mary and Jane are imaginary friends They just suspend the pain in suspense To cover up the game Dissolve the fame For you are flawed Throw it away Flush everything down the drain Departing quietly to a unsought grave Fleeting lives are a waste With no receipt Return renewed To the bittersweet But who am I deceiving Oh, only me ----- Life is a journey, That is what you say Taken out on one shot, You should have never been found Now I see six feet under ground Further and Further down Taking you somewhere, your not prepared to go And I saw you down And I saw you go Sip from the devil Overthrow the hell I own the heart of a liar So sit and dwell Did you hear it from the grape vine While gossiping and drinking wine Taking hits to the brain You are going insane Stop living in vain Live it up Why don’t you just live it up And just give it up She's gone now So far now Let go of the past Take off the mask And crash first into the dance Thickening fog rolls past Obscuring my judgment and view It’s killing all hope, it's killing all feeling So save yourself That’s all that’s needed She’s gone, oh so gone Drawn away, like a fawn in may Look to the sky, it feels so high And it shines so bright See the light fighting the night You are the lucky one It shines bright on you But for other the demons break through Shadowing the fortress Taking over lives Falling on their faces Just to see to sky shine so bright Looking for the light in the sky... ----- Emotions running through my head Conflicting with my mind again Swelling with distorted dreams of grandeur No fairytales or golden paths Only melancholy melodies flowing over amber lit roads The trees cave in Swallowing me whole Just like my heart And this worn soul Crying out to live again To be freed of a depression Transient memories of heavens hell Sweetest memories ive ever held Sorrow looms ahead Time will only tell If I can return to Heavens Hell And once again be in sweet misery ---- Its funny how time passes you by Our relationship grew so fast Its funny how fate comes about And how destiny lies in secret This relationship we have its something special And these feelings I carry, pack on the pressure What are these emotions I just can not describe They are constantly overwhelming me Taking over me I am lost in the rapture of you And I feel like I cant let loose And I try to let it all go away And I need to break the chain But im lost In the rapture Of you ---- Last edited by libertine86; 08-27-2008 at 03:00 PM. |
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