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08-19-2008, 08:59 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Occams Razor
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: End of the Earth
Posts: 2,472
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Getting a $250 Ticket for BS
Exposing the exposed
We loathe those who owe back taxes, bank loans child support, let alone alimony the phony fix that doesn't fix it sexists process I contest to amend don't get it twisted A man is a man not a nine number digit a woman for that matter the same, what the fuck is this Pulled over by smokey, cause my tint is resistant to those who oppose the constitution, and my rights in it the right to my space, and that that's within it the right to drive safe, and at the speed limit but the problem is that's not the way this guy sees it It's his job to rob and steal and appeal to the district the judges whose names are framed with their image on the walls of the halls we most hate to visit choose to resist, what they wish to impose be stronger then them, better then those who instead of side stepping, would step on your toes when right is projected wrong is exposed.
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Me, Myself and I United as One If you're posting in the music forums make sure to be thoughtful and expressive, if you're posting in the lounge ask yourself "is this something that adds to the conversation?" It's important to remember that a lot of people use each thread. You're probably not as funny or clever as you think, I know I'm not. My Van Morrison Discography Thread |
08-20-2008, 04:16 PM | #3 (permalink) |
Occams Razor
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: End of the Earth
Posts: 2,472
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Window tint too dark.
__________________
Me, Myself and I United as One If you're posting in the music forums make sure to be thoughtful and expressive, if you're posting in the lounge ask yourself "is this something that adds to the conversation?" It's important to remember that a lot of people use each thread. You're probably not as funny or clever as you think, I know I'm not. My Van Morrison Discography Thread |
08-20-2008, 07:38 PM | #4 (permalink) |
Meanie McFeany
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Troy side'ah the dirt, NY
Posts: 455
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^ That's absurd.
I love this piece. It's very real, and honest, speaks the truth and the voice isn't shaking, either. I always like this type of stuff. I wouldn't change a thing. This isn't a constructive response but I felt compelled to tell you how much I liked it and appreciated it's voice. |
08-20-2008, 09:04 PM | #6 (permalink) | |
Occams Razor
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: End of the Earth
Posts: 2,472
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Quote:
__________________
Me, Myself and I United as One If you're posting in the music forums make sure to be thoughtful and expressive, if you're posting in the lounge ask yourself "is this something that adds to the conversation?" It's important to remember that a lot of people use each thread. You're probably not as funny or clever as you think, I know I'm not. My Van Morrison Discography Thread |
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08-27-2008, 01:58 PM | #7 (permalink) |
Bringer of Carrots
Join Date: May 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 648
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wasn't it obvious? "cause my tint is resistant "
Not bad Jay, of course this may work extremely well to music... as a written piece I felt the beginning and end flowed nicely and the middle not so much. A lot of the end rhymes and phrasing were like mini stop signs for me but overall I felt it was well thought out.
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"It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face." |
08-27-2008, 04:13 PM | #8 (permalink) | |
Occams Razor
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: End of the Earth
Posts: 2,472
|
Quote:
__________________
Me, Myself and I United as One If you're posting in the music forums make sure to be thoughtful and expressive, if you're posting in the lounge ask yourself "is this something that adds to the conversation?" It's important to remember that a lot of people use each thread. You're probably not as funny or clever as you think, I know I'm not. My Van Morrison Discography Thread |
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08-27-2008, 04:20 PM | #9 (permalink) |
Bringer of Carrots
Join Date: May 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 648
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ahhh, gotcha (makes sense)... it seemed like you had a plan, I just didn't catch onto it. Anyway, good job... even if you didn't sit there working things through, it reads as a well put together piece of poetry.
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"It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face." |
08-27-2008, 04:24 PM | #10 (permalink) |
Occams Razor
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: End of the Earth
Posts: 2,472
|
I have a plan when i write in terms of what I want to talk about, but if I edit and rewrite etc. i find I am never happy with the end result. Thanks again for having a look.
__________________
Me, Myself and I United as One If you're posting in the music forums make sure to be thoughtful and expressive, if you're posting in the lounge ask yourself "is this something that adds to the conversation?" It's important to remember that a lot of people use each thread. You're probably not as funny or clever as you think, I know I'm not. My Van Morrison Discography Thread |
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