Music Banter

Music Banter (https://www.musicbanter.com/)

- Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/)

- - This (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/32105-this.html)

It's been awhile

Souls of the emperors echo transcendent themes
Hearts of the warriors drown in dynamite dreams
Split apart, torn at the seams, seems like it’s all just a way to forget.

Forgive and religion, forgiveness forgets
Hearts apart from the start tend to regret
Do you really believe what you concede as legit
Then don’t hesitate to waiver when you’re confronted by it.

Destroy apocalypse with ignorance of it
Inherent perceptions usually correct
But in this case the reverse effect
Sick of the people we choose to elect
Sit back and rethink, choose to reflect.

Deterrent of current attributes and events
President meddles with those who defend
The present is presently fucked in the end
But the future finds a way to assuredly mend.

Men with white hair are ignored and depend
On those who shine brightly, those that they send
Those who act out their harebrained schemes.

Souls of the Emperors, Dynamite Dreams.

Wonderful sire. The cadence almost sounds like a hip-hop song.

Thanks bud; I rarely write anything anymore. My last three books were shot down, and I have not written anything nearly as good (IMO) since.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayJamJah (Post 504324)

Thanks bud; I rarely write anything anymore. My last three books were shot down, and I have not written anything nearly as good (IMO) since.

What were you books about? Did you get someone to represent them?

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucifer_sam (Post 504341)

What were you books about? Did you get someone to represent them?

I wrote a few novels that we're published in the early 1990's with Brown\Roman publishing. Never really took off, but had a nice small cult following for a few years.

I write fiction based on my life and real experiences usually with an element of historical fact turned into fiction. The last one I had published was "Sane and Able" which was a sort of retelling of the book of genesis set in another galaxy on a burgeoning planet much like earth. My last book was completely comprised of heroic characters based on the Greek and roman gods who are murdered one by one by a typical American teen based on my son's friend Eddy. It was rejected by 13 publishers.

I enjoyed that. It has excellent fluency. Congratulations on getting your novels published, by the way. That's really great.

If I come across those books I'll be sure to read them. Shame about your last manuscript, it really sounds like it interests me.

I particularly liked these two verses:

Quote:

Forgive and religion, forgiveness forgets
Hearts apart from the start tend to regret
Do you really believe what you concede as legit
Then don’t hesitate to waiver when you’re confronted by it.

Destroy apocalypse with ignorance of it
Inherent perceptions usually correct
But in this case the reverse effect
Sick of the people we choose to elect
Sit back and rethink, choose to reflect.

And...I agree that that last book sounds like a good read...what was the publisher's reasoning for rejecting it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayJamJah (Post 503867)

Quote:

Destroy apocalypse with ignorance of it

because although I don't know if this is what you meant, the way *I* choose to interpret it is as follows: the concept of a violent apocalype as the end of humanity and all life on earth is a myth created by forefathers (as part of religions dependent on the idea of "judgement" to try to control people's actions), and we can free ourselves of this myth is we are simply ignorant of it (as would occur if we do not have this myth taught to us by the white-haired, aged individuals perpetuating it). I usually read more into poems than the authors intend to have in them, but I thought I'd share anyway how I'm interpreting this line!

Your writing here does remind me a lot of rap (which I'm currently trying to learn more about), with a strong rhythm, frequent rhyming at the ends of lines and many internal rhymes, as well, such as when you write "torn at the seams, seems like it's all just a way to forget."

An interesting, thoughtful piece!

--Erica

Quote:

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA (Post 725374)

Hi, JayJamJah,
I've read two of your posts in the songwriting section and decided to comment on this one, since it appears to be an example of how you incorporate history and myth into your writings to create a social commentary.

I feel the main point of this piece is to describe how in government or society older people who come up with bad, militaristic plans get stronger, younger people to carry them out, and your piece encourages the reader to question this. For example, I interpret the last line, "Souls of the Emperors, Dynamite Dreams," which I feel is one of the strongest lines, as saying that the destructive plans of these older rulers get carried out by the violent younger generations.

The line that sticks in my mind the most is this one:

because although I don't know if this is what you meant, the way *I* choose to interpret it is as follows: the concept of a violent apocalype as the end of humanity and all life on earth is a myth created by forefathers (as part of religions dependent on the idea of "judgement" to try to control people's actions), and we can free ourselves of this myth is we are simply ignorant of it (as would occur if we do not have this myth taught to us by the white-haired, aged individuals perpetuating it). I usually read more into poems than the authors intend to have in them, but I thought I'd share anyway how I'm interpreting this line!

Your writing here does remind me a lot of rap (which I'm currently trying to learn more about), with a strong rhythm, frequent rhyming at the ends of lines and many internal rhymes, as well, such as when you write "torn at the seams, seems like it's all just a way to forget."

An interesting, thoughtful piece!

--Erica

Immensely grateful for your response.

I love how you reacted to it.