wolverinewolfweiselpigeon's Songwriting Journal

WWWP · 11-08-2009, 02:44 PM

I'm working on something now but am having trouble finishing the lyrics, so if anyone has any ideas, suggestions, etc please help me out.

What I have so far:

I packed my bags two days after my high school graduation
And said goodbye to my hometown without much hesitation
I jumped a plane to SFO in my determination
And made my way through the north bay with sense of liberation

My sister said I left due to lack of appreciation
Dad cried out "abandonment" toned with intimidation
But they can't steal the thrill I feel negating expectation
And guilt trips call for too much fuel and duel cooperation

I was considering using the "ation" rhyme throughout the entire song, but a lot of songs do that and I don't want to rip anyone off. I also am unsure what to have for the bridge/chorus, so if you have any ideas let me know.

Here's the recording of what I have so far. The lyrics stop about a minute in, so don't feel obliged to listen to the whole track, the rest is just filler until I finish the lyrics. Oh, and I'm not a singer so please keep your insults to yourself.

Untitled.

EDIT: Still don't know what to do for the chorus but I finished up the lyrics -

You looked right in my face and said you don't deserve resentment
That night when you disowned me, yeah, you said you never meant it
So I promised my forgiveness and you filled up with contentment
But I had my fingers crossed inside the pockets of my jacket

You always said that anger's justified when provocation's present
I grew up knowing you were wrong, accepting the unpleasent
But now today three states away I'm calling you pathetic
And if the whole world shit on you it's only cause you let it

FETCHER. · 11-11-2009, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

I packed my bags two days after my high school graduation
And said goodbye to my hometown without much hesitation
I jumped a plane to SFO in my determination
And made my way through the north bay with sense of liberation

My sister said I left due to lack of appreciation
Dad cried out "abandonment" toned with intimidation
But they can't steal the thrill I feel negating expectation
And guilt trips call for too much fuel and duel cooperation

EDIT: Still don't know what to do for the chorus but I finished up the lyrics -

You looked right in my face and said you don't deserve resentment
That night when you disowned me, yeah, you said you never meant it
So I promised my forgiveness and you filled up with contentment
But I had my fingers crossed inside the pockets of my jacket

You always said that anger's justified when provocation's present
I grew up knowing you were wrong, accepting the unpleasent
But now today three states away I'm calling you pathetic
And if the whole world shit on you it's only cause you let it

I like both, I actually love the second one. It's very.. emotive, yet harsh. Which I like, emotive in part where you had "But I had my fingers crossed inside the pockets of my jacket" and harsh "And if the whole world shit on you it's only cause you let it" I like those lines best, the first one cause it symbolises hope to me, and the second I feel like it's a rebellion, and you feel anger towards the person its directed at. Good work

Also, I'm no music critic so I don't really know, thats just what it's like to me though, hope it helps

WWWP · 11-11-2009, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kayleigh.

I like both, I actually love the second one. It's very.. emotive, yet harsh. Which I like, emotive in part where you had "But I had my fingers crossed inside the pockets of my jacket" and harsh "And if the whole world shit on you it's only cause you let it" I like those lines best, the first one cause it symbolises hope to me, and the second I feel like it's a rebellion, and you feel anger towards the person its directed at. Good work

Also, I'm no music critic so I don't really know, thats just what it's like to me though, hope it helps

Thanks, Kayleigh, I really appreciate it.
I should have a link up for the finished song by the end of the week.

NSW · 01-05-2010, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

I'm working on something now but am having trouble finishing the lyrics, so if anyone has any ideas, suggestions, etc please help me out.

What I have so far:

I packed my bags two days after my high school graduation
And said goodbye to my hometown without much hesitation
I jumped a plane to SFO in my determination
And made my way through the north bay with sense of liberation

My sister said I left due to lack of appreciation
Dad cried out "abandonment" toned with intimidation
But they can't steal the thrill I feel negating expectation
And guilt trips call for too much fuel and duel cooperation

I was considering using the "ation" rhyme throughout the entire song, but a lot of songs do that and I don't want to rip anyone off. I also am unsure what to have for the bridge/chorus, so if you have any ideas let me know.

Here's the recording of what I have so far. The lyrics stop about a minute in, so don't feel obliged to listen to the whole track, the rest is just filler until I finish the lyrics. Oh, and I'm not a singer so please keep your insults to yourself.

Untitled.

EDIT: Still don't know what to do for the chorus but I finished up the lyrics -

You looked right in my face and said you don't deserve resentment
That night when you disowned me, yeah, you said you never meant it
So I promised my forgiveness and you filled up with contentment
But I had my fingers crossed inside the pockets of my jacket

You always said that anger's justified when provocation's present
I grew up knowing you were wrong, accepting the unpleasent
But now today three states away I'm calling you pathetic
And if the whole world shit on you it's only cause you let it

Wow…I’m not really sure how I missed this (probably because I don’t visit the songwriting forum too often), but I’m incredibly happy to have stumbled upon it today. I listened to the three songs on your Myspace page, all good, but my favorite is Negating Expectiations. The lyrics in bold were especially moving. Good going girl!

Oh, and I’m glad you decided not to go with the "ation" rhyme throughout the song. I can’t speak for anyone else obviously, but I feel like it would have lessened the impact and meaning of the lyrics considerably.

I'm most definitely looking forward to hearing more.

WWWP · 01-05-2010, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NumberNineDream

I have to edit my library now.. oh my!

Checking the myspace page for now, feedback later...

Later:

Great job on Influences and Sounds Like

The connection isn't working much, so I'm not being able to hear the songs, but still looking forward to them.
Feedback on the songs laterer.

Ha, thank you. I'll take the credit for those works of art. =D

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonsubmissivewife

Wow…I’m not really sure how I missed this (probably because I don’t visit the songwriting forum too often), but I’m incredibly happy to have stumbled upon it today. I listened to the three songs on your Myspace page, all good, but my favorite is Negating Expectations. The lyrics in bold were especially moving. Good going girl!

Oh, and I’m glad you decided not to go with the "ation" rhyme throughout the song. I can’t speak for anyone else obviously, but I feel like it would have lessened the impact and meaning of the lyrics considerably.

I'm most definitely looking forward to hearing more.

Aww, thank you! Really, it means a lot. The lyrics you pointed out are my personal favorite, and it's reassuring to have someone else like them.

PS- Your name is in blue! Congrats.

Terrible Lizard · 08-15-2009, 12:59 AM

Fucktastic stuff, the whole flow is very alive.

WWWP · 08-15-2009, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terrible Lizard

Fucktastic stuff, the whole flow is very alive.

Thanks, I'm glad you think so. Any suggestions for a title?

Terrible Lizard · 08-15-2009, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Thanks, I'm glad you think so. Any suggestions for a title?

You could go with the obvious " The moon in your eyes" , or not. I was also thinking "Tracks in the Snow" or something.

WWWP · 08-15-2009, 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terrible Lizard

You could go with the obvious " The moon in your eyes" , or not. I was also thinking "Tracks in the Snow" or something.

Hmm... Tracks in the Snow has my attention.

Nicktarist · 08-15-2009, 09:07 AM

Quote:

That town is a drain; it'll suck you dry
If you don't get away
Yeah that town is a drain, even once you've gone
Your heart still remains.

I know exactly how you feel. Perfect poem in almost every way.

peace,
-nick

08-15-2009, 12:59 AM	#6 (permalink)
Terrible Lizard **ER OF HOLES Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Butt**, Nebraska Posts: 1,211	Fucktastic stuff, the whole flow is very alive. __________________ “YOU ARE SCUM SLUT.” -John Martyn

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