Something Real (lyrics, pop, review, song)

RickyyD · 12-21-2007, 09:12 PM

One of the first lyrics I've written.
Please give me pointers on how to make this better(:

[Verse 1]
Sitting at home, thinking of you
I wish you were here tonight.
I want you to know what I would do for you
I just want to hold you tight.

So you'll know

[Verse 2]
Laying in bed, I want to sleep
So I can see you in my dreams.
Never wanting to wake up
Don't want to face reality.

I wish you'd know

[Chorus]
Doesn't matter if it is
Day or night
Dark or light
You will always complete me.

You shine so bright
All through the night
You are the girl of my dreams.

If I had that
One chance
To say how I feel
I hope you
Know that
This is something real.

[Verse 3]
Texting calling talking to you
Means so much to me.
I want to say, I love you
And hear you say it back to me.

So I know

[Verse 4]
Looking at you, I feel different
It's like nobody is around.
Wanting to say the right thing
So I don't feel like a clown

One day you'll see

[Chorus]
Doesn't matter if it is
Day or night
Dark or light
You will always complete me.

You shine so bright
All through the night
You are the girl of my dreams.

If I had that
One chance
To say how I feel
I hope you
Know that
This is something real.

Ace · 12-22-2007, 04:39 AM

I will try to give this a more thorough review later tonight. For right now, my best advice is to completely get rid of verse 3. I see alot of things that need improvement, and alot of things that have potential once improved.
In the meantime, read the song writing tips on this site, and make some notes for future reference.

RickyyD · 12-22-2007, 10:18 PM

Alright thanks(:

~~under~~ · 12-23-2007, 01:01 AM

i actually really love this. good job. i dont have much to review about it. i can see it in a song easily.

RickyyD · 12-23-2007, 02:35 AM

(: I hope I can put some chords into this and actually make it into a song haha. Just bad with making chords for lyrics:\ lol

Crzyblueskyz · 01-27-2008, 12:55 PM

Yeah I see it in a song very easily, too. Nice work

Lizzie · 01-31-2008, 05:32 AM

Very typical, I've heard identical lyrics on every any other heartbroken pop song on the radio.

12-21-2007, 09:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
RickyyD Groupie Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 13	Something Real One of the first lyrics I've written. Please give me pointers on how to make this better(: [Verse 1] Sitting at home, thinking of you I wish you were here tonight. I want you to know what I would do for you I just want to hold you tight. So you'll know [Verse 2] Laying in bed, I want to sleep So I can see you in my dreams. Never wanting to wake up Don't want to face reality. I wish you'd know [Chorus] Doesn't matter if it is Day or night Dark or light You will always complete me. You shine so bright All through the night You are the girl of my dreams. If I had that One chance To say how I feel I hope you Know that This is something real. [Verse 3] Texting calling talking to you Means so much to me. I want to say, I love you And hear you say it back to me. So I know [Verse 4] Looking at you, I feel different It's like nobody is around. Wanting to say the right thing So I don't feel like a clown One day you'll see [Chorus] Doesn't matter if it is Day or night Dark or light You will always complete me. You shine so bright All through the night You are the girl of my dreams. If I had that One chance To say how I feel I hope you Know that This is something real.

01-31-2008, 05:32 AM	#7 (permalink)
Lizzie Diskobox Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: vancouver Posts: 660	Very typical, I've heard identical lyrics on every any other heartbroken pop song on the radio. __________________ white and black, are you looking for the sun boy? the sun doesn't shine down here, no, not in the shadow

12-22-2007, 10:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
RickyyD Groupie Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 13	Alright thanks(:

12-23-2007, 01:01 AM	#4 (permalink)
~~under~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,056	i actually really love this. good job. i dont have much to review about it. i can see it in a song easily.

12-23-2007, 02:35 AM	#5 (permalink)
RickyyD Groupie Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 13	(: I hope I can put some chords into this and actually make it into a song haha. Just bad with making chords for lyrics:\ lol

01-27-2008, 12:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
Crzyblueskyz Groupie Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 6	Yeah I see it in a song very easily, too. Nice work