Vertigo (work in progress...and it's a bit different) (lyrics, genre)

Ace · 12-14-2007, 05:55 AM

Meh. Best way to describe it is progressive.
It's very experimental.
One of the tunes I couldn't get out of my head, till I put it on paper. Have at it.
I will refrain from putting my usual verse/chorus markers, as I'm probably not finished yet.

------------------------------------------
If my head's spinning...
How do I know my bed is still?
I'm layin' here watching the ceiling move
It all seems so real

How do I know that time is passing?
I can see the shadows on the wall
Horrific in their very nature
It just seems so wrong

They shift in patterns unbeknown
To my normal self
But when I'm layin' here watching the ceiling move
I can't help but tell... of how they

Come to me
Follow me
Get through to me
And make me believe that

I will see
Greater things
Prophecies
On the other side of sanity

Hold my hand, so I don't fall
The floor is rushing up to meet me
I'm so unsure, I cannot stand
The floor has gone from underneath me

And the ceiling gives way
So I fall into space

I fall from my bed and my sanity,
My friends and my family
My head has abandoned me

Yeah, I fall into space

And all seems so lost
It's coming undone
Yeah, everything's gone

Yeah, it all seemed so lost
It all seemed so lost (x2)

Till you,

Came to me
Followed me
Got through to me
And made me believe that

I would see
Greater things
Prophecies
That are now, comin' true in front of me

And now I'm free
Of my sanity

Now I'm free
Of my memory

Crowe · 12-14-2007, 09:35 AM

Progressive, indeed. Uh, what, what what... what can I say here. I like it, but like your other piece - I need music. I feel like I need music to really enjoy your stuff (it's seeming like). The thing is, if I would say that to somebody, normally, that basically means that their work is too bland to judge purely on lyrics - but that isn't the case with you I'm discovering. There are a couple of word choices I'm having issues with here, though. Unbeknown is such a cumbersome word. Say "they shift in patterns unbeknown" out loud, it's messy... it sucks to say. Unbeknown is a bad word, imo. Unfamiliar would work - it's also smoother...

Seeing "yeah" written is laughable, but that's not your fault. I blame the entire genre of grunge for that.

The prophecy idea is interesting, but I fail to see how it fits with the rest of the song, unless the prophecies are the reason for your insanity...?

The line "horrific in their very nature" is right out of a "Goosebumps" book- it's corny, I feel like you can do better than that.

Record, record, record!

Dizzys in the wolf · 12-14-2007, 02:35 PM

This seems like it could be a pretty cool existentialist lyric.

Ace · 12-15-2007, 03:21 AM

Haha. I wish I had the ability to record. I work on an Allen and Heath 2800 mixer, and about to order a 16 channel input for local projects. I've been mixing tracks all week long for other people. I can't use any of it for personal use though, and I lack a band myself. Unfamiliar is definately a word I hadn't thought of when I was writing. I might put that one in. Only reason I used it, was I needed some kind of "known" sound on that line, to make it blend. Appreciate the suggestions.

12-14-2007, 09:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	Progressive, indeed. Uh, what, what what... what can I say here. I like it, but like your other piece - I need music. I feel like I need music to really enjoy your stuff (it's seeming like). The thing is, if I would say that to somebody, normally, that basically means that their work is too bland to judge purely on lyrics - but that isn't the case with you I'm discovering. There are a couple of word choices I'm having issues with here, though. Unbeknown is such a cumbersome word. Say "they shift in patterns unbeknown" out loud, it's messy... it sucks to say. Unbeknown is a bad word, imo. Unfamiliar would work - it's also smoother... Seeing "yeah" written is laughable, but that's not your fault. I blame the entire genre of grunge for that. The prophecy idea is interesting, but I fail to see how it fits with the rest of the song, unless the prophecies are the reason for your insanity...? The line "horrific in their very nature" is right out of a "Goosebumps" book- it's corny, I feel like you can do better than that. Record, record, record! __________________

12-14-2007, 02:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
Dizzys in the wolf Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ireland Posts: 158	This seems like it could be a pretty cool existentialist lyric. __________________ There’s something about seeing this city at night Where we can say what we want and do what we like. These streets are empty but we don't feel alone, We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.