acenoface's Songwriting Journal (lyrics, ballad, Creed, magazine, tune)

acenoface · 12-10-2007, 12:40 PM

Searched my person without cause
Tossed me like a salad
Brain was charging like a herd
No way to corral it
Made me take an orange pill
Easy on the palate
Could a word be more obscene
Here's my date with thorazine

Bright and shiny was the creed
For my new religion
Messianic fantasies
Maniac's ambitions
How'd a little orange pill
Beat me to submission?
Psychotropics flo.or the teen
Here's my date with thorazine

Magic powers
Granted me by cannabis
Reading thoughts and causing frozen time
Quit those outbursts
Said the psychoanalyst
Even though I'm feeling so sublime

What a lucky group of friends
Heard their sad confessions
Learned a lot about the world
Therapeutic sessions
Changing personalities
Immature regressions
Antivenom for a dream
Here's my date with thorazine

Ace · 12-10-2007, 07:25 PM

Couldn't read past the first 5 lines....rhyming is terrible.

acenoface · 12-12-2007, 11:07 AM

boo hoo, you break my heart

I guess this guy has never heard of near rhymes, cause damn if I'm gonna rhyme salad with ballad

Dizzys in the wolf · 12-12-2007, 11:13 AM

maybe you could try and fill it out a little more, cause at the minute it reads a bit like bullet points rather than a song.

acenoface · 12-12-2007, 02:16 PM

it's not poetry, they're lyrics. they're meant to be sung, not read.

Dizzys in the wolf · 12-12-2007, 02:19 PM

Dude, its just a suggestion, but singing in bullet points isn't really much different.

Ace · 12-13-2007, 07:06 AM

Meh. I put it to every tune I could think of....I give it 1/10.

Dizzys in the wolf · 12-13-2007, 10:46 AM

it actually works scarily well with "Pop goes the weasel".

acenoface · 12-13-2007, 12:26 PM

let's see if either of these critics can come up with their own trisyllabic mosaic rhyme for thorazine

Dizzys in the wolf · 12-13-2007, 12:27 PM

like Magazine? (''.)

12-10-2007, 12:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
acenoface Groupie Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: East Lansing, MI Posts: 21	acenoface's Songwriting Journal Searched my person without cause Tossed me like a salad Brain was charging like a herd No way to corral it Made me take an orange pill Easy on the palate Could a word be more obscene Here's my date with thorazine Bright and shiny was the creed For my new religion Messianic fantasies Maniac's ambitions How'd a little orange pill Beat me to submission? Psychotropics flo.or the teen Here's my date with thorazine Magic powers Granted me by cannabis Reading thoughts and causing frozen time Quit those outbursts Said the psychoanalyst Even though I'm feeling so sublime What a lucky group of friends Heard their sad confessions Learned a lot about the world Therapeutic sessions Changing personalities Immature regressions Antivenom for a dream Here's my date with thorazine __________________

12-12-2007, 11:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
acenoface Groupie Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: East Lansing, MI Posts: 21	boo hoo, you break my heart I guess this guy has never heard of near rhymes, cause damn if I'm gonna rhyme salad with ballad __________________

12-12-2007, 11:13 AM	#4 (permalink)
Dizzys in the wolf Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ireland Posts: 158	maybe you could try and fill it out a little more, cause at the minute it reads a bit like bullet points rather than a song. __________________ There’s something about seeing this city at night Where we can say what we want and do what we like. These streets are empty but we don't feel alone, We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.

12-12-2007, 02:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
acenoface Groupie Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: East Lansing, MI Posts: 21	it's not poetry, they're lyrics. they're meant to be sung, not read. __________________

12-12-2007, 02:19 PM	#6 (permalink)
Dizzys in the wolf Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ireland Posts: 158	Dude, its just a suggestion, but singing in bullet points isn't really much different. __________________ There’s something about seeing this city at night Where we can say what we want and do what we like. These streets are empty but we don't feel alone, We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.

12-13-2007, 10:46 AM	#8 (permalink)
Dizzys in the wolf Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ireland Posts: 158	it actually works scarily well with "Pop goes the weasel". __________________ There’s something about seeing this city at night Where we can say what we want and do what we like. These streets are empty but we don't feel alone, We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.

12-13-2007, 12:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
acenoface Groupie Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: East Lansing, MI Posts: 21	let's see if either of these critics can come up with their own trisyllabic mosaic rhyme for thorazine __________________

12-13-2007, 12:27 PM	#10 (permalink)
Dizzys in the wolf Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ireland Posts: 158	like Magazine? (''.) __________________ There’s something about seeing this city at night Where we can say what we want and do what we like. These streets are empty but we don't feel alone, We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.