First piece of work, please review (cover, quote, hands)

moonage-t · 11-15-2007, 05:01 PM

Shame you had to waste all your time on me,
oh how I dread to think of all those possibilities
you wasted...
Would you believe I lay awake every night
thinking of how I devoured your time

Not long ago you were a waitress, forlorn,
those perfect eyes refused to look up from the floor
and if it were not for those clothes I bought,
the ones that you cut up and now seductively adorn
Not long ago you were a waitress forlorn
til I took you out and revealed what your body was for
and if it was not for these hands of mine
then love I am sure you'd still be 9 til 5.

Such a shame you had to waste all your time on me...
discovering yourself but denying those possibilities
oh and darling I cry myself to sleep at night knowing that you chose them
envy that I have neither the time, nor the money, nor the girth of all these other men...

Your lips can be put to better use
than around the rim of a porcelain mug...
and your hands can be put to better use
than clasping the handle of a coffee jug.

11-15-2007, 05:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
moonage-t Groupie Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 14	First piece of work, please review Shame you had to waste all your time on me, oh how I dread to think of all those possibilities you wasted... Would you believe I lay awake every night thinking of how I devoured your time Not long ago you were a waitress, forlorn, those perfect eyes refused to look up from the floor and if it were not for those clothes I bought, the ones that you cut up and now seductively adorn Not long ago you were a waitress forlorn til I took you out and revealed what your body was for and if it was not for these hands of mine then love I am sure you'd still be 9 til 5. Such a shame you had to waste all your time on me... discovering yourself but denying those possibilities oh and darling I cry myself to sleep at night knowing that you chose them envy that I have neither the time, nor the money, nor the girth of all these other men... Your lips can be put to better use than around the rim of a porcelain mug... and your hands can be put to better use than clasping the handle of a coffee jug.