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10-17-2007, 08:59 PM | #1 (permalink) |
snickers
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: detroit
Posts: 2,194
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How Do You Do?
"How Do You Do?" How do you do? Are you aware of our connection? How long would it take for your body To intimate lack of emotion (if need be)? Do your thoughts travel in the night? Are your eyes their possessions? How deep do your sockets go? In the morning-- how long would it take? During the day are you really here? Hear, do you, really-- Because I do. But I have not, before. When we have distanced after nightfall And I know that you remain But there are doubts from time to time Like infection, bacteria. Are we here? Yes? Lovely, We shall leave-- Together, In the morning -Jake V.
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A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño Last edited by Trauma; 10-17-2007 at 09:30 PM. |
11-07-2007, 03:08 PM | #3 (permalink) |
Bancount: 3 ^_______^
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston
Posts: 911
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i'd suggest removing "infection, bacteria". those two words do not fit the tone and carry connotations you do not want associated with the rest of the poem
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