Treachery Against Existence (lyrics, quote, song, hands)

Voice_of_the_Soul12,13,01 · 10-09-2007, 02:20 PM

Overzealous spawns of Satan
Believing too much
In their own potential

Set a city ablaze
You kill millions
Nothing more gained
Than the blood on your hands

Swindle and steal
Like a dishonorable cretin
Leave a family with nothing
While you swim in an idle and
short lived paradise

You are merely human
Insignificant and powerless

Your reward for devastation
Is an eternity in damnation

Neither gain nor win
You are no God Almighty
And you have no right to life
Be it your own or another

FREEZE!

Warren · 10-15-2007, 10:49 PM

what do you believe in?

~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ · 10-15-2007, 10:55 PM

I'm actually going to give you some advice I think would help, despite the fact that most people tend to ignore your stuff. (Heck, I ignore this forum mostly anyways)

I think you should not end your lines so quick, as well as the verses/stanzas. Experimenting with the order/structure of the song might lead to a more creative appearance - as well, try to move away from cliched or stereotypical imagery. You could portray the same thoughts, but with less expected terms.

Hope this helps.

Warren · 10-15-2007, 11:41 PM

I agree with the above...

oh, do you like Mushroom Head? Because your lyrics in all your posts are quite similar.

Voice_of_the_Soul12,13,01 · 10-17-2007, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The-Starving-Artless

I'm actually going to give you some advice I think would help, despite the fact that most people tend to ignore your stuff. (Heck, I ignore this forum mostly anyways)

I think you should not end your lines so quick, as well as the verses/stanzas. Experimenting with the order/structure of the song might lead to a more creative appearance - as well, try to move away from cliched or stereotypical imagery. You could portray the same thoughts, but with less expected terms.

Hope this helps.

People have told me this, but I'm still struggling with how to do it. Could you give me some examples?

~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ · 10-17-2007, 12:33 AM

having trouble thinking tonight, sort of busy. I'll get around to it tomorrow, though

10-09-2007, 02:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
Voice_of_the_Soul12,13,01 #1 Schuldinist. Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 420	Treachery Against Existence Overzealous spawns of Satan Believing too much In their own potential Set a city ablaze You kill millions Nothing more gained Than the blood on your hands Swindle and steal Like a dishonorable cretin Leave a family with nothing While you swim in an idle and short lived paradise You are merely human Insignificant and powerless Your reward for devastation Is an eternity in damnation Neither gain nor win You are no God Almighty And you have no right to life Be it your own or another FREEZE! __________________ I don't mean to dwell But I can't help myself When I feel the vibe And taste a memory Of a time in life When years seemed to stand still

10-15-2007, 10:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
Warren Groupie Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: with my mom Posts: 11	what do you believe in?

10-15-2007, 10:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: VAN Posts: 2,530	I'm actually going to give you some advice I think would help, despite the fact that most people tend to ignore your stuff. (Heck, I ignore this forum mostly anyways) I think you should not end your lines so quick, as well as the verses/stanzas. Experimenting with the order/structure of the song might lead to a more creative appearance - as well, try to move away from cliched or stereotypical imagery. You could portray the same thoughts, but with less expected terms. Hope this helps.

10-15-2007, 11:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
Warren Groupie Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: with my mom Posts: 11	I agree with the above... oh, do you like Mushroom Head? Because your lyrics in all your posts are quite similar.

10-17-2007, 12:33 AM	#6 (permalink)
~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: VAN Posts: 2,530	having trouble thinking tonight, sort of busy. I'll get around to it tomorrow, though