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09-18-2007, 03:50 AM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: huntington beach, ca
Posts: 35
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5 hours - feedback is greatly appreciated
okay...this is my first attempt to write a song. i tried to follow the guidelines posted. i would really appreciate feedback...good and bad. please...any suggestions on how i can improve it
5 Hours My thumb is sore Dialing your number My ear is aching From the phone on my cheek And when we hang up, it’s another goodbye I’ve said it once I don’t know how long I can do it My hand feels so empty Without yours intertwined While my lips are dry without your kiss Can you really blame me for feeling this way? Thinking about what you’re doing in that empty room I’ve seen the movies I’ve heard the stories We’re worlds apart From the Pacific to the Atlantic You traded two seasons for four And me for New York Just remember, come back home and I’ll find you But another goodbye when summer ends Back to the east coast you go So here I am, stuck with this ridiculous predicament Hoping I won’t be another statistic When my phone rings, I rush Hoping it’s you on the other end The water seems colder and the surf looks smaller The Santa Ana winds come And I start shivering while it blows me away Who’ll keep me warm now? I know you have urges Craving for physical touch A kiss There’s no way I can take it Your lips locked with someone Other than mine Our time is up It breaks me to do this But I have to say my last goodbye
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