Death And Rebirth (Gender)

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 09-14-2007, 11:33 PM

Death And Rebirth

Autumnal branches branch out
In a wide array of length and colors.
It looks so pretty; but it's death.
Death of a season, death of trees.
Still I cannot wait for winter to come.
For Christmas. When Christmas comes
It is the only time I am happy and loveless
Simultaneously.

Spring flowers spring up,
In a wide array of species and colors.
It looks so pretty; arboreal birth
A beautiful, bucolic mirth.
I don't know if it is real,
And I don't think so.
But I need it so badly that
I don't care.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 09-18-2007, 10:05 PM

Bumpity bump.

The Dave · 09-18-2007, 10:32 PM

The first line is horrible "Branches branch out" well duh, what else would branches do? Be more creative with that.

I'm not going to nit pick it to death, it's just really sloppy. It's not death of a season nor death of trees, the season will come again, and well, the tree obviously isn't dead because it will grow leaves next spring.

Species has nothing to do with leaves, the leaf depends upon the type of tree so leaves, themselves, have no species. Also, you used: arboreal, and bucolic fairly close together, those being the only "uncommon" words in the poem and it makes them out of place, if you're going to use simple phrases, then stick to it, or, throw in more abstract words from the start, not near the end.

sleepy jack · 09-18-2007, 10:34 PM

Uh, species referred to flowers, which would be correct and arboreal isn't much more uncommon than autumnal.

The Dave · 09-18-2007, 10:43 PM

Bah, so it did. my fault, I was mixing up the seasons.

Arboreal is far more uncommon than autumnal, being that autumn is a common word and therefore you can quickly tell what autumnal would mean even if you haven't heard before.

sleepy jack · 09-18-2007, 10:52 PM

Autumn and autumnal are not the same words though, autumnal can either refer to autumn or middle age. It refers to autumn in this obviously, but still just because two words have the same root word (or the root word in one of the words is the other word) doesn't necessarily mean they're referring to the same thing. What is the common meaning of sex? Intercourse, does that mean sexism has anything to do with intercourse? No, its referring to the less popular meaning of sex, which is gender.

Anyway point is, autumnal is not a common word just because autumn is.

Also I think your criticism of death of seasons was extremely ignorant, this is poetry not a book report. The death of a season is talked about often. I imagine you can find several Emily Dickinson pieces on it, and I think Oscar Wilde refers to it in either The Garden of Eros or Humanitad. Now if you'd said it was cliche (which it is) that'd be an entirely different story.

The Dave · 09-19-2007, 12:34 AM

I actually forgot that that meant old age as well, that's my bad, you have a good point. But context clues usually give away what which meaning is implied in such cases whereas Arboreal and Bucolic could be a number of things, you assume Arboreal would relate to something pretty or majestic since it precedes the word birth, but you're not sure to what degree the beauty is. Same thing goes for Bucolic, it could be many things.

"Death of a season, death of trees."

I know it's been done before, and it can actually sound really well, but to just state it bluntly like that pretty much forces the reader to think of it in literal terms.

09-18-2007, 10:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
The Dave Me and The Major Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,830	The first line is horrible "Branches branch out" well duh, what else would branches do? Be more creative with that. I'm not going to nit pick it to death, it's just really sloppy. It's not death of a season nor death of trees, the season will come again, and well, the tree obviously isn't dead because it will grow leaves next spring. Species has nothing to do with leaves, the leaf depends upon the type of tree so leaves, themselves, have no species. Also, you used: arboreal, and bucolic fairly close together, those being the only "uncommon" words in the poem and it makes them out of place, if you're going to use simple phrases, then stick to it, or, throw in more abstract words from the start, not near the end.

09-18-2007, 10:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
The Dave Me and The Major Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,830	Bah, so it did. my fault, I was mixing up the seasons. Arboreal is far more uncommon than autumnal, being that autumn is a common word and therefore you can quickly tell what autumnal would mean even if you haven't heard before.

09-19-2007, 12:34 AM	#7 (permalink)
The Dave Me and The Major Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,830	I actually forgot that that meant old age as well, that's my bad, you have a good point. But context clues usually give away what which meaning is implied in such cases whereas Arboreal and Bucolic could be a number of things, you assume Arboreal would relate to something pretty or majestic since it precedes the word birth, but you're not sure to what degree the beauty is. Same thing goes for Bucolic, it could be many things. "Death of a season, death of trees." I know it's been done before, and it can actually sound really well, but to just state it bluntly like that pretty much forces the reader to think of it in literal terms.