First Song (lyrics, artists, Ching)

barry2 · 07-27-2007, 04:02 PM

Is pretty bad but you know w/e. o and its just like a little verse not a complete song
Simple is better
so get out of the water
before you get wetter
it might not make sense
but just go read my letter
youll understand
how you control the weather
(add)
well you take what youve got
and put it on a platter
to serve to the dutchess
of endless wet matter
(add)
but you know its gone
cause its light as a feather
all that remains is
simplicitys better

ill give one hint about it music equals the water.

barry2 · 07-28-2007, 06:51 PM

any feedback would be helpful

silvrshadow · 07-28-2007, 07:47 PM

i liked it... ive never thought of using water that way but it would be sweet to make it into a full song!

~~<3_BEAUTIFUL_HELL_FAIRY_<3~~ · 07-28-2007, 10:58 PM

wow..... umm hmmmm i would.....have to say....wow that was pretty good i liked it alot....

barry2 · 07-28-2007, 11:08 PM

haha no need to lie

nice sig~its a bit wierd though

~~<3_BEAUTIFUL_HELL_FAIRY_<3~~ · 07-28-2007, 11:15 PM

no really i like it... its actually really good....some of the stuff i write isn't that good either but that was actually pretty good..

ZeppelinAir · 07-29-2007, 03:52 AM

its okay for a first peice, brush up a bit and it could turn into a gem

barry2 · 07-29-2007, 11:17 PM

its my second time attempting to actually write outside of school. In school i didnt care and just rhymed stuff and hoped it made sense....kinda like this actually.

Thanks for the critisim. Im trying to replace a couple lines in the song like the go read my letter.... and the dutchess thing i might just take out.

But heres a uh like a chorus type thing... its kinda stupid but w/e so are some artists lyrics out now too.

Waters on the horizon
Breaking up the sky
watching all the raindrops
hit the ground and die.

07-27-2007, 04:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
barry2 Groupie Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 18	First Song Is pretty bad but you know w/e. o and its just like a little verse not a complete song Simple is better so get out of the water before you get wetter it might not make sense but just go read my letter youll understand how you control the weather (add) well you take what youve got and put it on a platter to serve to the dutchess of endless wet matter (add) but you know its gone cause its light as a feather all that remains is simplicitys better ill give one hint about it music equals the water. Last edited by barry2; 07-28-2007 at 11:59 AM. Reason: to explain the reason and add more

07-28-2007, 06:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
barry2 Groupie Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 18	any feedback would be helpful __________________ BASS PLAYERS RULE drums and guitars too....

07-28-2007, 11:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
barry2 Groupie Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 18	haha no need to lie nice sig~its a bit wierd though __________________ BASS PLAYERS RULE drums and guitars too....

07-29-2007, 03:52 AM	#7 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	its okay for a first peice, brush up a bit and it could turn into a gem __________________ not that old signature

07-29-2007, 11:17 PM	#8 (permalink)
barry2 Groupie Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 18	its my second time attempting to actually write outside of school. In school i didnt care and just rhymed stuff and hoped it made sense....kinda like this actually. Thanks for the critisim. Im trying to replace a couple lines in the song like the go read my letter.... and the dutchess thing i might just take out. But heres a uh like a chorus type thing... its kinda stupid but w/e so are some artists lyrics out now too. Waters on the horizon Breaking up the sky watching all the raindrops hit the ground and die. __________________ BASS PLAYERS RULE drums and guitars too....

07-28-2007, 07:47 PM	#3 (permalink)
silvrshadow Groupie Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1	i liked it... ive never thought of using water that way but it would be sweet to make it into a full song!

07-28-2007, 10:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
~~<3_BEAUTIFUL_HELL_FAIRY_<3~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: How does Bum ****ing nowhere sound? Posts: 203	wow..... umm hmmmm i would.....have to say....wow that was pretty good i liked it alot....

07-28-2007, 11:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
~~<3_BEAUTIFUL_HELL_FAIRY_<3~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: How does Bum ****ing nowhere sound? Posts: 203	no really i like it... its actually really good....some of the stuff i write isn't that good either but that was actually pretty good..