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07-16-2007, 05:26 AM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 5
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Lyrics plz review!
Heya,
Decided to write a remix to Fort Minor's "Remember the Name" and spinned off a bit to end up with this. I'd like to think the lyrics have to some degree a poetic feel to them, but hey it's the 1st song I've ever written so let me know what you think! I knew this kid once, He was called Rich, This is how his story goes. Yo, this is just a man with a mic Who wanted nothing more than just to get his rhymes on site He was 17, a man of passion and devoted respect Reliable, he would never defect He walked with a swagger and he talked with a sway Which undeniably helps with what you’re trying to portray It wasn’t all great though he had some bad habits, At 19, Cocaine became an addiction, the crucifixion of an obvious jurisdiction, mixed between the friction of his current constrictions. And then on that cold winter’s day it all came to a stop, Shot, stabbed, oiled and hammered, It was like this poor guy had been killed just for his standards The guy fought for his pride and he fought for his name But in the end 8 to 1 was too tough a task At those odds the poor guy was never gonna last. (chorus) Never sit back, never retract, You’ve got to keep workin’ Never withdraw, Never relax You’ve got to be determined. If you can’t walk the walk Then just don’t walk at all If it ain’t 200% You’re fu**in bound to fall. I remember how he used to have a diary with quotes inside, Of a dream that only he could achieve. Merciless execution cos he’s dying inside himself He felt for the 3rd world he felt for the poor He’d always support whoever knocked at his door He wasn’t arrogant just wanted respect Although his own ambitions you could never suspect A peaceful world was what he hoped to resurrect But dude. That ain’t gonna happen yet. When he was young he was bullied, abused they’d even spit on his shoes It was like a, personal vendetta against this unlucky youth No one to turn to, no where to run And if he tried to confront them they’d simply pull out a gun Personal, humiliation on the lowest foundation By some cowardly kids who supported racial discrimination But he turned it around, he used the harshest rejection as a fuel to reach the goal of a greater perfection He’d faced what he was and adjusted himself (chorus Repeat) (chorus Repeat) I hope we can all take something away from this PEACE JD. Edited! Thanks for any constructive comments u may have!! Last edited by the1JD; 07-16-2007 at 04:30 PM. |
07-16-2007, 07:45 AM | #2 (permalink) |
Atchin' Akai
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Unamerica
Posts: 8,723
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First thing that sprang to mind...Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air.
But then most rap has that effect on me. That'll be more my ignorance than anything else. Flows ok, but the subject matter is hardly original and none of it's content is earth shattering either. Constructive criticism...it begins to tell a story, but other than it being about a guy called Rich, I have no idea what the point of this is. "From zero to hero overnight"...how? And why would a cocaine snorting rapist deserve, "some god-damn respect"? Before you go giving me a hard time... ...just saying. |
07-16-2007, 10:03 AM | #3 (permalink) | |
Groupie
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 5
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07-16-2007, 10:39 AM | #4 (permalink) |
Atchin' Akai
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Unamerica
Posts: 8,723
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For a first effort...that's pretty good.
Whatever happened to the definition of respect? In my day, respect was something you earned. These days, respect seems to be gained through fear. Again...not aimed at you...just making a point. Good material subject matter maybe worth weaving into your lyrics? |
07-16-2007, 12:02 PM | #5 (permalink) | |
Groupie
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 5
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