The Crow's Rein (member, quote, Lute)

ZeppelinAir · 06-26-2007, 12:47 PM

something short and to the point,

The Crow’s Rein

A brand new scar from the star that fell and blinded my eyes,
I would love to see the street light shine one more time,
The stars are only half as bright now tonight,

Time and time again are these words spoken,
Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely,
Let the crow rein supreme over our deceived eyes,

Falling rain doesn’t wash away the hated from that eye,
It still blinds me and haunts my every thought,
Still remembering the day that my trust was betrayed,
Betrayed by the star that shined magically in my eyes,
But the star died because you lied,

Time and time again are these words spoken,
Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely,
Let the crow rein supreme over our deceived eyes

creepinson · 07-04-2007, 07:01 PM

I was enchanted until the final line of the 3rd stanza. it just seems a bit too blunt for an otherwise wonderfully worded and written piece. I'm sure you can find a way to get the same idea across without taking away from the rest of it... whatever, thats probably just me. Over all its great, especially the opening.

also if you have the time, i'm interested in hearing your thoughts on either "the deliberation" or "sunraze", i've sorta been hurting for feedback lately

ZeppelinAir · 07-05-2007, 03:01 AM

i will check them out

IrishWhiskey · 07-05-2007, 12:03 PM

"Time and time again are these words spoken,
Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely"

Those are absolutely beautiful lines, I read that over three times before I finished the rest of the poem.

I'm not as fond of the line about the crow reining supreme though.

Overall this is a great piece, I thoroughly enjoyed it and I LOVE the lines I quoted above.. good job

06-26-2007, 12:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	The Crow's Rein something short and to the point, The Crow’s Rein A brand new scar from the star that fell and blinded my eyes, I would love to see the street light shine one more time, The stars are only half as bright now tonight, Time and time again are these words spoken, Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely, Let the crow rein supreme over our deceived eyes, Falling rain doesn’t wash away the hated from that eye, It still blinds me and haunts my every thought, Still remembering the day that my trust was betrayed, Betrayed by the star that shined magically in my eyes, But the star died because you lied, Time and time again are these words spoken, Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely, Let the crow rein supreme over our deceived eyes __________________ not that old signature

07-04-2007, 07:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	I was enchanted until the final line of the 3rd stanza. it just seems a bit too blunt for an otherwise wonderfully worded and written piece. I'm sure you can find a way to get the same idea across without taking away from the rest of it... whatever, thats probably just me. Over all its great, especially the opening. also if you have the time, i'm interested in hearing your thoughts on either "the deliberation" or "sunraze", i've sorta been hurting for feedback lately Last edited by creepinson; 07-05-2007 at 08:46 AM.

07-05-2007, 03:01 AM	#3 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	i will check them out __________________ not that old signature

07-05-2007, 12:03 PM	#4 (permalink)
IrishWhiskey Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 48	"Time and time again are these words spoken, Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely" Those are absolutely beautiful lines, I read that over three times before I finished the rest of the poem. I'm not as fond of the line about the crow reining supreme though. Overall this is a great piece, I thoroughly enjoyed it and I LOVE the lines I quoted above.. good job