more of a poem...
 

But I would love to get some opinions on it... Could it be a song??

You were a little boy.
small, shy, and scared.
That has made you
Who you are today.

You went through Military school,
With loving help from your sister.
That has made you
Who you are today.

You started racing,
You wrecked and won.
That has made you
Who you are today.

You lost your dad,
On that February day.
That has made you
Who you are today.

You got through,
All of the pain.
That has made yu
Who you are today.

With lots of help
From family and friends.
That has made you
Who you are today.

You chose to leave
The team your father built.
That has made you
Who you are today.

Your brave and strong,
And I'm happy to say.
I'm sure your dad is proud
Of who you are today..

(Cheriejrfan)

And now someones writing terrible poetry,
About who you are today.

WHAT?????? So you think it's terrible????

This is not something I have been doing for a long time... I have come here for help and advice... you can't help me or give me some good advice??

I'm not experienced in poetry or songwriting, but I think any poem can be a song if it is put to music.

yo cherie chill dont get your panties in a knot. lots of great artist got laughed/kicked out of studios before they became famous. its part of what makes you grow as an artist. if you really care about what everyone thinks, you will get stuck in the idea of entertaining the masses and sacrifice artistic talent. isnt wrong or right, its just your choice.

Yeah, but this is really bad.

I've read some of your, their no better!!!

He hasn't even posted any.

Oh I'm sorry I thought that was you I was talking to... I guess I should look closer next time!!

O SHI

ZING

I just got pwnt.

I lol'd

So are we having fun yet??

Did you post this poem on here to get honest opinions on it.....or for people to tell you how good it is.

Cos really I can do either. :wave:

I was just hoping to get some feedback. How is it, If it needs work then some suggestions would be nice..

Its a nice poem.....not sure whether it could be turned into a song though! But its a good story, Im not exactly a poetry expert, lol, but it was a good read.

Thank You..

Damn crowq put on blast by the new guy,

Hey man, why does everyone gotta be hatin? I think if you're starting out poetry its an alright start, but i also think that if people give you their honest opinion of something, and its not very good (which lets face it, it really isn't) i don't think the first thing you should do is lash out, particularly at writers like crowquill, who have already more than proven themselves with a variety of usually.... often.... sometimes brilliant pieces of work. While your use of repetition did give a bit of extra zing to your final stanza, I think that in time you will find better ways to bring attention to certain ideas and concepts you wish to highlight.

more writing, less pwning!

oh, and somebody leave some damn comments on mah 2 last threads! Lawl><><0|25!

Just saying it is terrible is not giving me any kind of feedback, you on the other hand gave me something to think about and try, Thank You.